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Old 08-09-2019, 03:29 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku View Post
mean people can also feel threatened by people who care enough to be nice. it's like "be mean like me so i can feel okay about being mean, too". it's happened. cynicism and skepticism about being nice are two different things. both require some effort to discern

what's really going on.
I can see that. There are all kinds of people.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:31 PM
 
7,547 posts, read 11,659,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
To me, letting someone walking all over you, pick on you, handle you, step on you, etc. and just grinning and bearing it is too nice. Refusing to stand up for yourself is too nice. In other words, letting someone have their way with you without so much a protest would fall under "too nice".
Shrugs.

For every person who gets walked on or picked on, there's a person who does the walking on or picking on. So, by my count, that's a lot of people doing the walking on or picking on... and how many of THOSE people do you think come from the 'never be too nice' camp?

I'd rather be a pushover than an a@@.

Women like the a@@hole better than the pushover?

Who gives a sh@t? Why would I want them then?
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:51 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Shrugs.

For every person who gets walked on or picked on, there's a person who does the walking on or picking on. So, by my count, that's a lot of people doing the walking on or picking on... and how many of THOSE people do you think come from the 'never be too nice' camp?

I'd rather be a pushover than an a@@.

Women like the a@@hole better than the pushover?

Who gives a sh@t? Why would I want them then?

At the risk of derailing the thread. People (male and female) act on self preservation. (Some) women look for men that they trust can hold their own. Because often times, a man that lets himself get walked on is also going to allow the woman to get walked on if she's with him. At least the --hole, if you may, is not going to put up with that crap. The woman would feel more protected with the --hole for plenty of reasons. A woman (in general) is not going to want a man who refuses to fight his own battles. At least the --hole is less likely to let others have their way with her.

Shrugs.

Nobody is telling you to or even advocating walking around picking on people and walking all over them. Those are two different extremes. I myself have gotten walked on, picked on, crapped on, etc. by people for most of my life. I tried your supplicating and grinning and bearing crap only to have them multiply and multiply, eventually it became a day in and day out thing. Eventually, I got cornered and I had to stand up for myself. I still get crapped on from time to time, but usually these people run because they know that whatever they bring, I can counter.


You can do what you want, but there are plenty more choices than just "be too nice/pushover, and be a complete cruel and mean-spirited person. When I step outside, I don't just see that many people who are too nice and pushovers nor do I just see a bunch of mean-spirited people. Those aren't the only types I see. I also see people that are somewhat in the middle that are neither too nice or extremely mean spirited, and they make up the majority to me.

If me believing that it's not good to be TOO nice (or TOO anything for that matter, including mean) makes me an ---hole, then I guess that's who I am. And a lot of "nice people" aren't really as nice as they would have you think.


That said, I also agree with what you say about what women want and why you would want them anyway. I'm with you on that.
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Old 08-09-2019, 04:11 PM
 
706 posts, read 122,222 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
I don’t think being nice in the world translates to being uptight or an inability to ‘let loose’. In fact, I think a nicer person would be able to let loose with greater ease than someone who isn’t nice - as nicer people tend to be more outgoing and relaxed as well. That said, we all have people we want to let loose around - and those we don’t.

Yes, I get that.. maybe

Some people do equate 'too nice' with being uptight and being unable to let loose. Again, it's probably a difference in cultures.
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Old 08-09-2019, 04:49 PM
 
4,860 posts, read 4,108,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
It is not a bad thing at all.

They are warning you that there are people who will take advantage of your niceness. So while it is great to be nice, it can be harmful to be naive. So aim for nice, but be aware so you're not a victim.
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Old 08-09-2019, 05:04 PM
 
7,547 posts, read 11,659,006 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post

If me believing that it's not good to be TOO nice (or TOO anything for that matter, including mean) makes me an ---hole, then I guess that's who I am. And a lot of "nice people" aren't really as nice as they would have you think.
Nah, not directed at you.

It was a reactionary post.

In the adult world, pushover versus taker is actually complex. It's a lot of 'how much are you really out for yourself' versus 'considering how other people'.

In any case, people who are 'too nice' get way too bad of a rep either way.
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Old 08-09-2019, 05:07 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,378 posts, read 553,808 times
Reputation: 1260
Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Yes, I get that.. maybe

Some people do equate 'too nice' with being uptight and being unable to let loose. Again, it's probably a difference in cultures.
I equate nice with friendly and outgoing. That said, one needs to be discerning as well.
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:42 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,184 posts, read 71,306,112 times
Reputation: 77398
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
Perhaps OP can explain a bit what makes him TOO nice....others here are just guessing away.
OP has gone AWOL for a couple of days. This question was asked early on. We have no idea, what we're trying to address.
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Old 08-09-2019, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
14,885 posts, read 9,219,586 times
Reputation: 9939
Because people like to crap on you plain and simple there’s nothing to overthink here.
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Old 08-10-2019, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,521 posts, read 8,002,921 times
Reputation: 53757
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I know you asked her, but since I agreed, I can give you my take. The genuine nice guys are excluded. I'm thinking about the fake nice guys who take it way too far and often have this vibe as if they are going to explode.

As to 'rectums', they tend to attract people from what I've seen.
Phony people tend to be shallow. They're not nice, insecure maybe? I've had a couple of rectums in my life, but they didn't last long. I tend to gravitate towards decent, honest, nice people. They really are out there.
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