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Old 08-08-2019, 12:49 PM
 
881 posts, read 212,601 times
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projection of their own issues. good luck hearing them admit to that! responsible people will want to learn how to deal with own issues with a heart-to-heart discussion, not go on 'automatic pilot' by what they see.
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Old 08-08-2019, 01:01 PM
 
3,730 posts, read 945,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku View Post
projection of their own issues. good luck hearing them admit to that! responsible people will want to learn how to deal with own issues with a heart-to-heart discussion, not go on 'automatic pilot' by what they see.
See, some people get it!

In all these small, methed-out towns, it's like people are afraid to make eye contact. They are in a rut. Almost OCD-like with engaging in inexplicable, unproductive behaviors. These are not all vices like smoking or drinking. This could be video games, vaping, or obsessing over a relationship, spat, or conspiring for physical revenge in return for some verbal or nonverbal "offense".
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Old 08-08-2019, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,737 posts, read 1,910,452 times
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This is one reason I no longer enjoy shopping at stores. I hate getting the side eye from clerks sure I'm going to steal something. It isn't just a racial thing. I probably have more money than the entire staff and have no need to steal. I shop on-line, mostly. The UPS and FEDEX guys are kind and helpful. No side-eye.

I have felt that people were looking at me weird due to my age. I live in a town where senior citizens are NOT valued and I get the feeling like clerks or baristas are thinking "oh my she is so old"....probably just me.
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Old 08-08-2019, 05:54 PM
 
4,116 posts, read 4,175,950 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
This is one reason I no longer enjoy shopping at stores. I hate getting the side eye from clerks sure I'm going to steal something. It isn't just a racial thing. I probably have more money than the entire staff and have no need to steal. I shop on-line, mostly. The UPS and FEDEX guys are kind and helpful. No side-eye.

I have felt that people were looking at me weird due to my age. I live in a town where senior citizens are NOT valued and I get the feeling like clerks or baristas are thinking "oh my she is so old"....probably just me.
No question about this quote in total. 1st off this whole society is suspicious of everyone else. It is really fearfulness not paranoia also tho, as my doc likes to clarify for me.

If, you think you're being judged or watched it is fear NOT paranoia driving it. Also, it makes you MORE likely to LOOK suspicious thereby feeding the vicious circle, Trust me, been there done that re this cycle of worry or all-consuming energy drain that really, as you say, makes it far easier to shop online for instance than ever go out.

W/ more road rage than ever (aka MORE cars on road from yesteryr), more unisured drivers, crackpots, traffic laws made daily, too many pedestrians crossing, etc. etc. etc. aka - TOO MANY HUMANS ON EARTH since I was 16 & got my driver's lic. -- that it now makes doing ANYTHING much outside home a hassle.

As my mom used to say prior to her passing; "If you don't ABSOLUTELY need to do something -- DO NOT DO IT --
as you can't always undo what you've already done".

If that makes any sense to anyone.
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Old 08-08-2019, 06:06 PM
 
9,579 posts, read 9,354,616 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Yes, this is serious. I'm asking this because it's come to the point in my life of seriously starting to wonder why everywhere I go in every place I've lived, I am told that I am somehow "different from everybody else." Not just that, but I am always singled out in public places as someone with a potential to be doing something wrong? For example, when I ride the trains, the conductors come right for me asking to see proof that I've paid but walk right by other passengers. In stores, the sales people will either follow me or stand around waiting in the aisle wherever I am while other people walk out the door with theft detectors ringing. I just don't get what I'm doing so differently than everyone else when out and about.

I know it would be easy to write this one off as a race thing, but this happens no matter what race and no matter how many others like myself are around. I'm the one singled out, not them.

I certainly don't feel that I'm anything other than a regular human being.

Does anyone else have this problem, and how does it make you feel?
Obviously, what you should be doing is, every time someone says you're different from everyone else, ask, "Really? How exactly?" And badger them until you get an answer.

One obvious possibility is that you look shabby or unkempt. Ask some friends if you need a better haircut or a better wardrobe.
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Old 08-08-2019, 06:39 PM
 
6,353 posts, read 2,955,326 times
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Profiling is part of the public duty for some.

I usually turn it around on them and beat em to their own goal. How? As they are glaring or coming towards me I make a big to do! Such as hey! So nice to be noticed.I noticed you have (insert an observation such as they have colorful hair). That usually brings their guard down. From there it's just a smile ..a nod..then move along.
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Old 08-08-2019, 06:44 PM
 
3,921 posts, read 1,531,967 times
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"Does anyone else have this problem..."
yes, but not as intense as OP.
"...and how does it make you feel?"
certainly not ignored at which some complain.
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Old 08-08-2019, 06:47 PM
 
1,230 posts, read 287,724 times
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When I was in high school, I got stoned and went into an alpha beta and shoplifted some cold medicine (I had a gnarly cold). I got caught. For years after that, I felt VERY uncomfortable going into stores. I felt I was a suspect; I was being watched.
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Old 08-08-2019, 09:02 PM
 
1,512 posts, read 833,915 times
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When I cut my long hair off the difference in how I was treated couldn't have been more pronounced. It ain't fair or right, but people do judge on appearance. So do I. People are picking up on something in your appearance and/or behavior. Whether its something you are willing or able to change is the question...
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Old 08-08-2019, 09:19 PM
 
711 posts, read 124,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
Think of yourself like a mirror. When people judge you, they are basically judging what they don't like about themselves.

Madonna said it. We only see what our eyes want to see. :P

So instead of just seeing, think. if you are just standing around minding your own business, and a random girl says "she's weird, nobody wants to know her", who is the weird one? she is saying the truth, but for herself.
The companion asked her if she knew you probably because he noticed that she was looking at you weird.

Hmm, interesting. Good assessment there.
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