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Old 08-08-2019, 09:20 PM
 
714 posts, read 124,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddm2k View Post
This wouldn't happen to be in the American south, small town, would it?

No. Very far from it.
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Old 08-08-2019, 09:22 PM
 
714 posts, read 124,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Yes and most of it stems from the combination of my race, size, and my gender. It makes me mad and less trusting of people since they donít trust me obviously.

I can agree with this. Sometimes, simply the "wrong" combination of things can lead to distrust.
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Old 08-08-2019, 09:24 PM
 
714 posts, read 124,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
Do you feel like people are looking at you weird? A friend of mine told me that when he was younger he got this feeling that people changed when he was around.

It's just my personal opinion, but usually people who feel like this are projecting their insecurities on others.
For example, because people have said that you are different, you start feeling different and notice other people staring at you more. Then your brain is having this confirmation bias and you only notice things that confirm that you are different.

If you don't stand out a lot(wear clothes that have bright colors, or have an appearance that is noticable - uncommon hairstyle or style in general), then it's probably just the way you look at others. You are suspicious of others, and in turn they are suspicious of you.

I hope it makes sense for you. Don't give too much thought to these things. If you get anxious, close your eyes and focus on your breath for a bit.
People will always be curious, people will always stare, and it has nothing to do with you. Live your life and accept that all people are different. And if everyone is different, everyone is the same.

Wanted to rep you on this but I guess that was going overboard...
Anyhow, thanks.
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Old 08-08-2019, 09:32 PM
 
714 posts, read 124,777 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
When I was in high school, I got stoned and went into an alpha beta and shoplifted some cold medicine (I had a gnarly cold). I got caught. For years after that, I felt VERY uncomfortable going into stores. I felt I was a suspect; I was being watched.

Back in high school, I went into a store with a couple of friends and one of them stole a can of soda. I never hung out with that person again (or at least never went back to that store with them). I've also worked in retail and unfortunately had to deal with not just customers stealing, but employees as well.
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Old 08-09-2019, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,738 posts, read 1,911,578 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Obviously, what you should be doing is, every time someone says you're different from everyone else, ask, "Really? How exactly?" And badger them until you get an answer.

One obvious possibility is that you look shabby or unkempt. Ask some friends if you need a better haircut or a better wardrobe.
I dress nicely all the time. Check my photo gallery. Typical pics from my activities.

Having had a side-job in retail, I know I've judged the unkempt types. Most shoplifting was done my cute, blonde college girls from my experience.....So I get the retail side-eye.

I just don't need the grief and there is something satisfying about being able to have goods and groceries delivered to my door....
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Old 08-09-2019, 08:26 AM
 
40 posts, read 5,663 times
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Why don't you just ask them? If you are on a train and the conductor ask you for proof of payment, of course show it to her/him, but ask "why are you asking me and not others?" If a clerk is following you around a store, ask them "are you following me? Do I look like a shoplifter?" I would ask with a smile - to begin with.
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:53 AM
 
6,963 posts, read 2,503,952 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Yes, this is serious. I'm asking this because it's come to the point in my life of seriously starting to wonder why everywhere I go in every place I've lived, I am told that I am somehow "different from everybody else." Not just that, but I am always singled out in public places as someone with a potential to be doing something wrong? For example, when I ride the trains, the conductors come right for me asking to see proof that I've paid but walk right by other passengers. In stores, the sales people will either follow me or stand around waiting in the aisle wherever I am while other people walk out the door with theft detectors ringing. I just don't get what I'm doing so differently than everyone else when out and about.


I know it would be easy to write this one off as a race thing, but this happens no matter what race and no matter how many others like myself are around. I'm the one singled out, not them.



I certainly don't feel that I'm anything other than a regular human being.


Does anyone else have this problem, and how does it make you feel?

Are you Black? Are you male? Do you wear sunglasses inside? Do you wear a hoodie or a hat more often than not?


There is nothing wrong with any of the things I mentioned. But the combination of all those things together often trigger suspicion in others.
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Old 08-09-2019, 09:57 AM
 
6,963 posts, read 2,503,952 times
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Oh...and for the record, I'm a grown white woman. From time to time, I've been approached by retailers, asking if they could help, or been given the side eye. Seems it typically happens if I'm perceived as just lolling around. If I don't seem to be shopping with intent.


When I ride the metrolink, sometimes I get asked to show my ticket. So I show my ticket. It's not a big deal to me.
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Old 08-09-2019, 11:51 AM
 
8,338 posts, read 6,103,982 times
Reputation: 5920
Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Yes, this is serious. I'm asking this because it's come to the point in my life of seriously starting to wonder why everywhere I go in every place I've lived, I am told that I am somehow "different from everybody else." Not just that, but I am always singled out in public places as someone with a potential to be doing something wrong? For example, when I ride the trains, the conductors come right for me asking to see proof that I've paid but walk right by other passengers. In stores, the sales people will either follow me or stand around waiting in the aisle wherever I am while other people walk out the door with theft detectors ringing. I just don't get what I'm doing so differently than everyone else when out and about.


I know it would be easy to write this one off as a race thing, but this happens no matter what race and no matter how many others like myself are around. I'm the one singled out, not them.



I certainly don't feel that I'm anything other than a regular human being.


Does anyone else have this problem, and how does it make you feel?
I have this problem a lot. And no, I don't see this as a race thing. I'm a black person and I don't play into that. I've seen them do that to whites, Asian, and others. I think there is just something about me that brings about certain forms of attention.

But I've been desensitized to it for the most part. However, some people just get so sloppy that it is distracting. Now, authority figures, I kinda let it ride for a bit. But I also have non authority people follow me around. When that happens, I just whip out my phone and record them. To me, non-authority figures are potentially more dangerous. There is no telling what their intentions are and what they are going to do.

Now, I do get a feeling about something else happening with me...that I can use to my advantage.
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Old 08-10-2019, 07:24 AM
 
714 posts, read 124,777 times
Reputation: 682
Quote:
Originally Posted by FortWingate View Post
Why don't you just ask them? If you are on a train and the conductor ask you for proof of payment, of course show it to her/him, but ask "why are you asking me and not others?" If a clerk is following you around a store, ask them "are you following me? Do I look like a shoplifter?" I would ask with a smile - to begin with.
Then I would be seen as "starting something." That does nothing but causes even more suspicion and more unwanted attention.
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