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Old Today, 02:16 AM
 
1 posts
Reputation: 10

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Hello all, I am new to this forum and may be unfamiliar with the rules. I apologize in advance. I am also aware that the severity of my case is really trivial compared to others. Anyways, help would still be appreciated.
About half a year ago I got into an argument with one of my good friends. The content I need not describe. Itís really trifling, and our friendship is completely unscathed. For him, I am very certain that he already forgot it or doesnít care about it anymore. Itís merely an insignificant incident.
The problem is, I think about it over and over in my head. Sometimes I get indignant and angry at what he did wrong. Sometimes I get guilty and feel very sorry for what I did wrong. I replay the scene again and again in my mind so often in the day that it bothers me. When I study, eat, sleep, it just seems to haunt me forever. For this reason, I get angry or guilty out of nowhere.
I really need to forget it. Itís not of any significance whatsoever. It belongs to the past and has no effect on anything. But I just dwell on it indefinitely.
Are there any tips that you would offer? Thank you so much!
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Old Today, 02:40 AM
 
Location: on the wind
7,423 posts, read 3,078,107 times
Reputation: 25091
Did you ever talk with the friend until you both came to some mutual "agreement" or settlement over it? If something was just left dangling unfinished, maybe that's why you can't close it out in your mind. There's still a "yes, BUT..." in your mind. Maybe you tend to be someone who always has to be right about things. To have the last word. If you didn't get that, its never finished. The significance or insignificance of the "thing" isn't the point. If you can't get past it, its not insignificant.
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Old Today, 04:48 AM
 
3,156 posts, read 1,600,270 times
Reputation: 3257
You make a point of saying your relationship is unscathed but that is not true. You are still hurt over it so you are in denial. It's okay if your relationship has changed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Did you ever talk with the friend until you both came to some mutual "agreement" or settlement over it? If something was just left dangling unfinished, maybe that's why you can't close it out in your mind. There's still a "yes, BUT..." in your mind. Maybe you tend to be someone who always has to be right about things. To have the last word. If you didn't get that, its never finished. The significance or insignificance of the "thing" isn't the point. If you can't get past it, its not insignificant.
Good post.
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Old Today, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Germany
209 posts, read 37,642 times
Reputation: 422
What is it really that you are mad about? is it that he got past it and you didn't? Are you afraid that you will lose him as a friend if you say what you think?

All of this is significant, but at the same time, insignificant. Do you like him as a friend? do you trust him? do you love him?
That is the essence of human relationships. We can all look back and think "I should have said something, I should have done something different". It is pointless. You are living in this specific situation and having trouble getting over something cause of regrets, anxiety, whatever. There's nothing to be sorry about, and your friend obviously understands it. Regret is useless. You felt it, accept it and be done with it.

You don't have to apologize about anything and your friend doesn't either. If you feel like apologizing do it. But do it only if you feel like it.
Enjoy your friendship and have fun. Good friends are a rare sight these days.
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Old Today, 05:17 AM
 
3,156 posts, read 1,600,270 times
Reputation: 3257
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
What is it really that you are mad about? is it that he got past it and you didn't? Are you afraid that you will lose him as a friend if you say what you think?

All of this is significant, but at the same time, insignificant. Do you like him as a friend? do you trust him? do you love him?
That is the essence of human relationships. We can all look back and think "I should have said something, I should have done something different". It is pointless. You are living in this specific situation and having trouble getting over something cause of regrets, anxiety, whatever. There's nothing to be sorry about, and your friend obviously understands it. Regret is useless. You felt it, accept it and be done with it.

You don't have to apologize about anything and your friend doesn't either. If you feel like apologizing do it. But do it only if you feel like it.
Enjoy your friendship and have fun. Good friends are a rare sight these days.
This is another good way to approach it.

My first reaction was the OP might possibly think her friend behaved worse than the OP and, therefore, the friend should feel even more sorry about it.

Hey, if you both did wrong, doesn't matter who did wrong first or who did it more, it is even-steven. Learn from it and move on, with or without the friend.
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