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OP, you're held back by your bitterness, your preconceived notions about other people and your anger.
I expect if we heard the particulars of your first twenty-seven years on the planet it would all start to make more sense. OTOH, some people are just born malcontents and never get past it.
OP, you're held back by your bitterness, your preconceived notions about other people and your anger.
I expect if we heard the particulars of your first twenty-seven years on the planet it would all start to make more sense. OTOH, some people are just born malcontents and never get past it.
Get thee to a therapist, posthaste.
Good post.
OP, here's a thought: probably around half the people you're imagining had a great time socializing in college, having the stereotypical college experience, were actually living what you consider to be the boring, responsible fuddy-duddy life of workaday responsibilities, with their studies squeezed in around the job or two that paid the tuition and living expenses. It quite possibly was more than half the students at your school.
The fact that you apparently were oblivious to this fact makes me wonder: who was paying your tuition and living expenses at college? OK, you did community college the first two years, and were living at home. What about the next two years? Where did you get the idea, that everyone was partying and dating and having fun all the way through college?
Too many people fall for stereotypes and media images of what their lives are supposed to be like, then end up resentful, because their own life, like most people's, doesn't measure up to an image that really only describes a small minority of people. TV, Hollywood, a few relatives' sugar-coated reminiscences of college life from a bygone era, are not reality. Reality is usually much more mundane, and sometimes even depressing. ;You'd be surprised how many students end up in the college mental-health counseling center, because they struggle to adjust to college life, they can't find their niche, or can't adjust to being away from home, or have other emotional issues. Some find working and studying to be an oppressive grind. Some students are alcoholics already at such a young age, and end up dropping out.
You're poisoning your own mind with images of happy-go-lucky young people with hardly a care in the world, breezing through college with a group of supportive friends. Stop doing that to yourself. Instead, start putting together a plan for creating the life you want.
And fluffy (quoted above) is right; the first step toward getting the life you want is to get some therapy. While everything is shut down, and there's no option to socialize anyway, you can make great use of this "down time" to invest in yourself by getting some counseling. Some therapists are seeing people in person, others are seeing people online. You can do an internet search for psychotherapists, who deal with depression, shyness, and whatever issues you think might be at the root of your self-isolating and depressive habits, possibly stemming from early childhood experiences. What kind of family environment did you have, and early school experiences? I'm guessing, that something happened to send you the message, that it wasn't safe to venture out of your shell to make friends, explore the world, and be spontaneous and creative.
Check your health insurance to see what types of therapists they will cover. You can try a couple of therapists for initial intake, and see which one feels like a good fit. Don't go with anyone who only wants to write a prescription for depression, unless they say it's only temporary. Go for one that assigns "homework", for self-reflection, and who provides plenty of feedback. Don't go for ones that just sit silently taking notes; that's not going to get you anywhere. You want someone who has methods to get you from depression to joy. You can ask about all this over the phone, when you first contact them, and they return your call.
This is your project for 2021, OP. Life isn't going to turn itself around magically, and start giving you what you want. You need to create that for yourself, and fundamental to that process is getting rid of any obstacles and self-defeating beliefs or behaviors you may not even know you have.
Some of this discomfort I suspect is just learning to grow into your introverted personality. It can be a burden if we compare ourselves to the extroverts out there. Our style is different and making peace with that in an extrovert-centric world can be difficult.
Such good advice here. It's not what you are that causes the problem. It's how you think about what you are.
.... I am currently 27 (I was a transfer from community college) and have just graduated university. I've been really depressed lately, because I feel like I missed out on my youth..... < snip > .....The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. .....
JustAGuy - you've told us what your complaint is about "mature" people but you've said nothing about what you consider to be the fun youthful things that you think you've missed out on. You've only given us one half of the story.
So please explain to us what are the fun youthful things that you were expecting for yourself and feel you've missed out on. If you won't do that then your complaint is meaningless because there are no other stated perspectives and expectations of yours to compare it with.
Where do you live that at the ripe old age of 27, everyone is over the hill? Instead of fixating on some perceived injustice about a specific college experience you didn’t have, why not have some fun now? Otherwise you’ll be a 30-something whining about your 20s not being fun.
You actually have to build your own social life. It’s not just delivered to your door.
LOL. I had two real friends in my 20s in San Francisco Bay Area, both were married and one had a family. I flew solo, then and now, finding all the 'couples' stuff insidious at-best and horrifying at-worst to a young man's desire to spread his wings. Two friends was plenty, with a few acquaintances to be explained below. One became a racing partner and we campaigned motorcycles for three seasons, and his wife hardly made a peep about it but had nothing to do with it either: very wise woman, she. The other taught me that IT was the wave of the future, and he sure was right. I took his advice. He didn't, and started some sort of book store for rare books in the decades after. We go where our interests are.
Too bad you don't have pals for your helling. Yes, old middle aged people are boring. God knows I don't want anything to do with them, though I count at least two as friends. Oh, I'm 53, and live the way a bachelor should with a motorcycle and Shelby GT350R in the garage. Don't give in the to rat-race; I've half given-in because to earn enough money for the toys requires pretty conscientious career-building. Unless you're very good at something very few people can do, in which case you'll be a millionaire or even billionaire fast enough. If it's rare enough, and you're good enough.
There are guys out there in their 20s into helling, get something going via your hobbies. That's how men meet, common interests. I hung out with racers when I was racing, and guys who attended motorcycle track days before that. My kind of people. The only trouble came, as in "every single time," when some woman got involved and started to whine about needs of the "family" or etc. which is code for supporting her and her goals, not yours. There will be time for that, if so-inclined, though I wouldn't recommend it...
Where do you live that at the ripe old age of 27, everyone is over the hill? .
This is what I'm dying to know. Such places do exist around the US, but if the OP is in one of them, he should move. He has a brand-spanking-new college degree; he could probably peddle his skills in a variety of locations.
I know this is an odd first thread to make, but I felt like this might be a good place to seek some advice. I am currently 27 (I was a transfer from community college) and have just graduated university. I've been really depressed lately, because I feel like I missed out on my youth. I didn't develop any close friends throughout community college or university. All the friends I made were mostly acquaintances or temporary friends that just came and went and never saw outside of school. Because of this I never developed a close friendship circle.
I thought I had one final chance and developing a close friendship circle when I contacted some people I met at University. But most of them acted like they didn't know me, and the ones that did, didn't seem interested in being friends with me. I guess I was just good for working on group projects and nothing else (I'm thinking about sending them angry texts because I'm just so upset right now).
And now, my one last chance at a youthful social life is gone. I'm just so angry and depressed right now. It feels like it's impossible for me to be happy. The only type of people I'm going to end up meeting now are "mature, settled-down" type people whom I cannot relate to. I cannot relate to people who are only interested in "moving up the corporate ladder, settling down, getting married and having kids". They don't have fun or interesting social lives.
The "mature" crowd's social lives consist mostly of boring get-togethers or dinner parties where all people talk about are their jobs, the weather, or other small talk with people they don't actually like. It's so fake, that it makes me sick just thinking about it. The worst thing about the "mature, settled crowd" is how judgmental they are. Like if you don't dress a certain way, or make a certain amount of money, or are not interested in getting married and having kids, or are not a corporate slave, they will look down on you. I absolutely hate people who immediately ask "And what do you do for a living?", right when they meet you. Like that question alone is a judgment on your occupation and how much money you make. I don't need toxic people like that in my life.
I wanted the type of youthful social life that I missed out on. I wish I could just make friends that I could be myself around, whom are genuine, and fun to be around. I don't want my only options to be boring "mature, settled down" types and/or corporate slaves. Because I refuse to conform to the "mature" crowd. I know that if I were to do something like that, I'd just become even more depressed and probably completely lose it.
I just cannot take this anymore. The fact that so many people got to experience the fun youthful years, while I'm forced to miss out on it, is just infuriating and depressing. Everyday has just been unbearable for me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to conform to the "mature crowd".
Your post sounds like an "incel", blaming others for your misery. Definitely do NOT send angry texts to any of your acquaintances from college. It sounds to me as if what you're longing for is the freshman dorm camaraderie, or the frat house, where everyone is so early on their path that there's no sorting according to achievement - although they were sorted to some degree by the college admissions process - and everyone is eager to make new friends. But that ship has sailed. Most people, by age 27, have settled on a career path and are seriously dating someone, considering getting married. They're looking more ahead towards nuclear family than towards finding a group of bros. The cure for this at age 27 is to get out and do things with other people, by getting involved in activities that you enjoy, and by getting involved in service organizations where you do things for others, together with other people whom you might wind up becoming friends with. It's made all the more challenging by the pandemic, but hang on, the vaccine will have changed things in just a few months.
Are there any sports that you like to do? Skiers can join ski clubs, basketball players can find a pickup game at the gym, hikers can join hiking/outdoor clubs. You at all religiously inclined? Join the young singles group for your church - and if you're not religious, consider a Unitarian church that might have a young singles group. Can you sing? Join your local community theater. They are ALWAYS in need of men. You like to run? See if you can find some running buddies on meetup. You will have more success finding like-minded friends if you look for them in group activities that do the things that you like to do.
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Where did you get the idea, that everyone was partying and dating and having fun all the way through college? 
