"Frozen" (counselor, therapy, dating, emotion)

[otterhere]

No, not the movie; my life. Without going into too many complicated details, although I'm happy to answer any questions, I find myself stalled on the road to retirement and the next chapter of my life (I considered posting in the Retirement forum, but have concluded this must be a psychological problem). First I delayed it due to a couple of pay raises that would enhance my pension, then because a senior pet was living longer than I had anticipated (about which I'm very happy, but my ability to travel/relocate is more limited).

That was fine while I was still going in to the office to work and pursuing my hobbies with friends on the weekends, as I was enjoying looking at real estate online and researching various retirement destinations while being content to wait a while longer (I'm very good - perhaps too good - at delayed gratification), but since WFH, I seem to have lost my motivation and momentum. It's actually a wonderful opportunity, as not only do I get to spend my pet's last months or years with him, but I could spend the better part of each day (my work is not that onerous) preparing my house for sale by decluttering and/or making simple repairs. Since buying property online has become more normalized due to COVID restrictions, I could also select and purchase my next property now and either rent it out or contemplate a physical move, even with my senior pet in tow (not ideal, but it could be done). I won't be returning to the office in person, but will simply retire when finally recalled. In the meantime, I could theoretically live anywhere, yet here I sit...

Paralyzed.

I don't know if it's because of "quarantine torpor," encroaching age with its diminished energy, the relative isolation and lack of interaction with the world, or just cold feet when it comes time to pull the trigger, but I find myself doing none of the above. I admit that I have a fear of commitment and great difficulty making decisions (I've made them, but I also regret many of them), so such dramatic changes are intimidating to me, yet I know for certain they're necessary and want to make them soon. What would you recommend?

[Lodestar]

otterhere, would a visit to a Lifecoach help? I've never used one but I hear they help a person sort through all this.

Who wouldn't wonder what the stall is about? Right now there are so many reasons to choose from. Perhaps only someone who knew you as well as you know yourself could help you sort that out. But I think a Lifecoach just cuts through the reasons and talks about pros and cons to help you make a choice.

I'm sure you know that some of us just take one step and put it in front of the other nonstop all our lives. Rinse and repeat. Others of us for whatever reason take some steps and then rest a while. Some take a couple of quick steps and never take another. LOL.

Different styles. Most important thing I can think of to say to you is not to judge yourself or add any emotional distress about it to your life right at this moment. Most everyone is in a state of flux right now or on hold.

There are times when our bodies know what our minds don't. Maybe it's "cooking" and will send the message over when it's done?

[otterhere]

I've considered short-term, goal-oriented therapy of sorts to help me get unstuck and also listen to and repeat back to me what I'm saying I want. At this point, after so many delays and looking at so many different options (I have no real ties here and could live virtually anywhere, including overseas) that my head is spinning with all these choices, and I've developed "analysis paralysis." My friends are tired of hearing me vacillate and seem disgusted that I've delayed my retirement (I'm not so miserable in my job that I can't stand it for a while longer if it benefits me in the long term), so no one there is helpful. My most trusted confidant simply advises, "Stay where you are; that's cheapest and easiest."

There are practical reasons why I don't want to delay it indefinitely; in addition to growing older, my house will be needing some major maintenance I don't care to invest in since I'm not staying. Sometimes I think I should just make a move, even if it's the wrong move that will need correction, just to break out of this inertia. I resolve to take baby steps (trashing, selling, or donating anything I wouldn't take with me) just to get the ball rolling, but days pass and I just "maintain" my usual routine. At times it's a struggle to get basic chores done (I honestly don't think this is depression, but just ennui and lack of initiative resulting from the quarantine boredom in which many of us find ourselves these days).

Still, at times I actually panic thinking that years will pass and I won't have acted.

Although Zoom sessions won't be as satisfying to me (as I said, I require some human interaction for optimal functioning), I'll look into finding some counsel. Are "life coaches" generally highly educated and qualified enough to be of help? I feel I need bigger guns.

[Lodestar]

I only know two and both are out of the psychological counseling business and into something more cut and dried and less stressful for them. So, yes, those two are.

Also I would guess they serve as good examples of following their own advice.

It's definitely something you'd want to ask - "What qualifies you to help me make decisions?" Imagine you'd have your own idea of a satisfying answer.

Oh. I'm going to add here a thought I've been having about the recent proliferation of telephone counselors. It probably doesn't apply in your case.

People often seek out counselors to talk about things they wouldn't share with anyone else. To a large extent they are protected by a qualified counselor's credentials and the confidentiality laws. But talking about private personal information on a telephone or computer is no guarantee of privacy these days. I have some concerns about that and think its worth remembering.

[otterhere]

Maybe I should have posted in Retirement (crickets).

Thanks for the suggestion, Lodestar!

[silibran]

I retired as soon as I could. I have never—not for an hour—regretted it.

List your greatest fears about retiring. Then list all the positives. Then consider that we have a finite number of days in this life. Really, how do you want to spend the next (possibly) twenty years? Or the next ten?

[otterhere]

I'm prepared to retire at any time. It's just that: a) I still have my pet, so am not going anywhere; also, thanks to COVID, most of the things I would otherwise be doing (one goal was to spend all day in the gym taking classes) are now cancelled, and c) I'm making twice the money WFH that I would if retired, and it's ridiculously easy, so it's okay for now.

It's true that I had a fear of retirement for a while, but that fear was of sitting home doing nothing all day in my small town (I was commuting to my hobbies in nearby big cities). However, since I've been sitting home doing nothing all day in my small town for ten months now since quarantine began, I've overcome that fear via "exposure therapy."

I don't WANT to spend even another year NOT changing my life, but feel stuck... Not only by indecision, but I feel I've lost some confidence and courage this year, for some reason.

[ellie]

Yeah, I think you need to talk to other retirees about the inertia you’re feeling. It sounds like WFH is more productive than just sitting around with nothing to do. That’s not a bad thing at all.

Is there anyway you can connect with some of your friends for conversation or brisk walks through the neighborhood?

[otterhere]

Originally Posted by ellie

Yeah, I think you need to talk to other retirees about the inertia you’re feeling. It sounds like WFH is more productive than just sitting around with nothing to do. That’s not a bad thing at all.

Is there anyway you can connect with some of your friends for conversation or brisk walks through the neighborhood?

Most of my friends here are terrified of COVID and aren't doing anything (not doing anything is the norm in this small town, which is why I want to leave). I have gotten - and do get - together with friends in the bigger cities, but it's sporadic and no longer a regular weekly thing. It is helpful and boosts my spirits/energizes me, but - again - they're tired of hearing me hem-and-haw and naval-gaze. Most of them can't seem to relate to my hesitancy/indecision.

[Threestep2]

Why can you not take your furry friend with you?