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It seems like so many things are seen as 'abusive' these days. Obviously there's physical abuse, i see a lot about verbal abuse and emotional abuse as well. None of these things are right but is it considered abuse if couples fight and someone yells? Is it abusive if in the parent/child relationship the parent yells? My mom and I used to have fights when I was a teen that got physical...she often started it. I could never imagine treating my kids that way.
I was watching the show , the Maid and the main girl in it said she was experiencing financial abuse because she was living with her boyfriend and he took her atm card and she had no job. I had never heard of financial abuse..but i cant help but feel like anyone in that situation should have just left or said give me my Mod cut. atm card or gotten a job...continuing to stay and calling it financial abuse while the other person does, provides for you and you don't work isnt exactly abusive. If you are told you cannot get a job or have access to money then I can see some abuse there...but it's up to you to leave.
I've also noticed on reddit forums when a woman writes in saying her partner yelled or got angry she is told to leave. When the man writes in and says his partner/wife yells or gets angry over things he is told she needs therapy. Why should the man not leave the angry woman but the woman should automatically leave the angry man? I wouldn't want to stay with an angry person...but sometimes when you get married and have kids you kind of have to try and work it out...at least I think you should.
Anyways, relationships arent always easy...it seems as time goes on more and more is less acceptable. I do sometimes yell at my kids and i feel bad after...but sometimes that's the only way they'll listen.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-08-2021 at 02:03 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
Please think about seeing someone maybe, no? Think about your priorities.
Abuse is a HUGE word and means many things and used to define many situations. I have done a lot of research, but I wouldn’t know where to start here. Just make a call. Take it from there. Check back here too.
Oh sure, there are many types of abuse, some that are a lot more obvious than others.
Narcissistic abuse is one of the much more "invisible" types of abuse that many may not notice in someone unless they know about narcissism. That's the kind of abuse that often happens behind closed doors. I know physical abuse often does too, but w/ that there are bruises, etc. as a result of it. Narc abuse sufferers don't show it outwardly. It's all internally unless they tell someone & even then, many may not understand it.
Please think about seeing someone maybe, no? Think about your priorities.
Abuse is a HUGE word and means many things and used to define many situations. I have done a lot of research, but I wouldn’t know where to start here. Just make a call. Take it from there. Check back here too.
*sigh* not sure why it is assumed that I'm going through abuse or abusing someone because I asked about it. Typical citydata response.
The premise of your question is based on your experience with reddit forums. Please do not form your opinion of how to handle abusive relationships based off of any internet forum. You don't know these people at all; they might have an agenda, they might be a troll, or they might be a person who is trying to give you heart felt genuine advice but based off their own experience which is totally different from yours.
I've read advice where the abused is being told to "just leave" or "why did you enter this relationship in the first place?"...not helpful. The best advice I've heard is to "have a plan", this is absolutely true! But keep in mind this too can be difficult, especially when you're dealing with someone who would literally murder you. Abusers could make a plan based off of your own plan.
Op, I think anyone who is in an abusive relationship (verbally or physically man or woman) should find a therapist or shelter (not a forum poster) who can help them moving forward and to get out. Consider my own opinion for example, I'm a gun owner and 2nd- Amendment proponent. My personal advice would be to, "Carry a 9mm, .38 spl, or a 22lr. because Restraining Orders don't mean s**t to abusers, what they need most is bullet bad guy repellent." But, MY advice doesn't apply to everyone. Many people simply don't like firearms, some are afraid of them and think they are part of the problem.
Get off of forums if you're being abused and talk to someone who can actually help you in person and in real time. Find a social worker, therapist, or shelter.
People these days need very large safe spaces and complete harmony in their lives. Otherwise they feel abused.
that was kind of the point of my post here. It does seem like anytime there is strife and conflict in a relationship someone (whether it be on a forum or elsewhere) says there is abuse going on and it's typically the man accused of abusing the woman. No one should be in an unhappy relationship but sometimes I feel like 'abuse' can be a strong intense word to use.
I've seen women do things like go out with friends and get drunk and act crazy...then the next time they want to go out if their SO says no they say he is being controlling and abusive. If it's the man wanting to go out and do these things he's an alcoholic who doesn't want to spend time with his SO.
I would consider abuse either something severely traumatic in a short period of time, or something occurring over a longer period of time. For instance, if I struck my spouse, I don't know what else it might be other than abuse. But there are times where maybe either one of us aren't in a good headspace, or we argued about something, and maybe we don't have healthy lines of communication open at a specific moment. I tend to shut down when I'm in a bad mental space, because it's just the way I cope personally. I've read people describe this behavior on here as manipulative and emotionally abusive. I just can't help but disagree. After either of us are done brooding, we pick back up healthy lines of communication eventually. But if it was something that was occurring over a prolonged period, and used to manipulate the partner, then perhaps then it could be described as abusive. People in relationships argue, sometimes they can't stand being around one another and need their space. This is natural, and I don't think it's abusive until it becomes more of the norm rather than the exception.
Yep. Not speaking to your partner because you're upset can be viewed as emotional abuse. Yelling or speaking about something your partner might disagree with is verbal abuse.
Yet ignoring problems is viewed as not being open or letting things fester.
Basically if you're not perfect in a relationship at all times you're screwed.
I wouldn't over-simplify the situation an abused person has been in. Unless you have walked in their shoes applies here. It typically takes an abused person 7 times to leave their abuser for good. That's how strong of a hook they have in their ability to think the situation through. Why don't you just leave? is the question of an ignorant person who could use to do some reading up on abuse. Situations are complex and there is an abuse cycle. It involves a fight, then a hot make up period where emotions run high in the opposite direction, then calmness for awhile, then the tension starts to build and lastly the abuse happens again. Then the make up period happens again, it is called trauma bonding.
Is yelling at a person who is standing right in front of you abusive? I would say it is, but certainly not on the same scale as other forms of abuse. There is no reason to scream at somebody just because they're not doing what you want them to do, it's more a sign of a lack of control in the person yelling and a lack of skills in how to resolve a situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767
The concept of "abused" is being, well, abused.
People these days need very large safe spaces and complete harmony in their lives. Otherwise they feel abused.
that was kind of the point of my post here. It does seem like anytime there is strife and conflict in a relationship someone (whether it be on a forum or elsewhere) says there is abuse going on and it's typically the man accused of abusing the woman. No one should be in an unhappy relationship but sometimes I feel like 'abuse' can be a strong intense word to use.
I've seen women do things like go out with friends and get drunk and act crazy...then the next time they want to go out if their SO says no they say he is being controlling and abusive. If it's the man wanting to go out and do these things he's an alcoholic who doesn't want to spend time with his SO.
Do you want to learn about abuse, or do you want confirmation in your beliefs from somebody else who feels the same way you do? One is a discussion, the other is an echo chamber.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 10-08-2021 at 01:56 PM..
Reason: Corrected a technical glitch in the post.
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