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So in other words, no, you don't have any helpful advice.
OP, are you in a position where your GF could come live with you? Seems like your GF needs to put some time and distance between herself and her family.
Oh, helpful like: inviting the unhappy and unlucky to live in your home, losers who bummed around chasing who knows what lunatic ideology and have now come back because they're "broke." Uhm hmm.
What planet are these people from, one wonders. The best "time and distance" needed is the time for OP to leave town, or preferably the GF and her disturbed sister.
When I read the thread title, I had a sense of déjà vu.
Many moons ago I lived with a girl in an apartment in East London.
One evening her elder half-sister came over for a visit, this was the first time that I’d seen her.
The sister got plugged in to the cognac and my girl asked me to take her sister home to South London.
When we arrived I walked her to her door and she urged me to come up for a drink, I declined, citing the fact that I was driving my London taxi and couldn’t take a chance and have a drink.
Later that week my girl said, “Did you get Cherie home okay?”
When I said that I had, she said, “She called me and said that you gave her a long kiss goodnight and said that you looked forward to seeing her soon.”
I said, “I hope that you’re kidding, I brushed my cheek with hers, no lip contact, just as I do with your mother, then left as she walked in to her building.”
“Why did she say that you kissed her then?”
This is where I maybe went wrong, I said, “Probably because she’s got a face like Winston Churchill, hasn’t got a boyfriend, and is jealous that you have one.”
She believed me, but it all began to go down hill after that.
Oh, helpful like: inviting the unhappy and unlucky to live in your home, losers who bummed around chasing who knows what lunatic ideology and have now come back because they're "broke." Uhm hmm.
What planet are these people from, one wonders. The best "time and distance" needed is the time for OP to leave town, or preferably the GF and her disturbed sister.
You know what? He and his GF have been together for 5 years, and most of those years were fine. He's not going to dump his GF, so yeah...telling him to leave is bad advice.
To me it's understandable that if you really like someone, you might be tempted to think their family doesn't matter. Unfortunately, I think this probably is rarely the case unless your beloved cuts off the family or is really strong enough to resist them. In this case, assuming the sister is really what the GF says she is, and since the GF is easily sucked in to also go along with these schemes, it doesn't bode well for the relationship; it doesn't sound like the GF is too much more stable than the sister is.
100% agree.
The sister either has real mental problems or is an attention-seeking, lying drama queen. Even if the g/f gets therapy, the sister is still going to be causing distress that will get exhausting to deal with. There are too many potential partners out there to put up with situations like this.
So in other words, no, you don't have any helpful advice.
OP, are you in a position where your GF could come live with you? Seems like your GF needs to put some time and distance between herself and her family.
Unfortunately no.
However yes she has distanced herself from her family and established some boundaries. However she's still dealing with the trauma of the events that unfolded and the fact that she got manipulated by her. I just want to help her move on from it all. We are not having any relationship issues.
However yes she has distanced herself from her family and established some boundaries. However she's still dealing with the trauma of the events that unfolded and the fact that she got manipulated by her. I just want to help her move on from it all. We are not having any relationship issues.
Thanks for coming back to this.
Does your GF work outside the home? Does she have benefits? Here in the US, a lot of times, part of our benefits package include pyschological care...and often, a certain amount of free counseling sessions. Maybe encourage her to seek 'outside' help. It's surprising how much it can help to get objective counseling.
OP, I'm not going to judge your decision to go back into a relationship with this girl. You did what you wanted to do.
As far as you HAVING to help her though, no you don't. It is not your JOB to help her through mental problems. You can support her by telling her to go to a mental health professional. If she understands that she has a problem and she wants to fix it, she will go, or she will at least try different solutions till she finds something.
Do not invest your psychological energy fully into her because it is gonna drain you and if you really want to be able to help, you should first of all be setting boundaries and being open with what you think.
I advise you to be mindful of how much time you spend worrying about that, because it is not your problem. A person in need should be able to tackle their problems with support. If they don't put in the effort themselves there is nothing you can do.
Like it or not, this is the reality of it. It may be sad that you can't lift that weight off her shoulders, but it is important for the development of her character and mental strength to not be pampered all the time.
You are not her psychologist. You are her boyfriend.
I wish you luck and if it ever gets too much, don't stay just because you feel bad about her. It would be unfair for both of you.
^All of this. All of it. It's often something young people (and at times, not-so-young people) have to learn the hard way... and that others can learn about from the advice of those who learned it the hard way.
However yes she has distanced herself from her family and established some boundaries. However she's still dealing with the trauma of the events that unfolded and the fact that she got manipulated by her. I just want to help her move on from it all. We are not having any relationship issues.
How on earth is she "distancing herself" from her family WHEN SHE IS LIVING WITH ALL OF THEM.
This doesn't make sense, OP, can you see that? I know you are desperate to hold onto this troubled, naïve woman for some reason, but you managed to go a year without her. You can do it again. But you won't. Do you enjoy being the hero?
How on earth is she "distancing herself" from her family WHEN SHE IS LIVING WITH ALL OF THEM.
This doesn't make sense, OP, can you see that? I know you are desperate to hold onto this troubled, naïve woman for some reason, but you managed to go a year without her. You can do it again. But you won't. Do you enjoy being the hero?
I think some people do-- I've known people who seem to enjoy the "rescuer" mindset (for various reasons). Or, they get emotionally entangled with someone and can't let go, even when it's the equivalent of standing on the tracks watching the train bearing down but not being able to just step off to the side. (And, I get it, it's hard, but... eventually something's got/going to give...)
I'm still interested to know whether the sister is really an unstable drama queen or if it's only the girlfriend claiming all of these things... (Only because some of these scenarios seem somewhat fantastic and it has the same vibe as things I've heard from chronic liars...)
ETA: Actually, I've just noticed that OP hasn't been back in a week. Oops.
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and if it ever gets too much, don't stay just because you feel bad about her. It would be unfair for both of you.
