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It does not bother me as such. It is rather amusing and puzzling, until it gets annoying.
The yoga instructor actually turned out ok. He does this thing with chairs, and i try to be a purist about it. I’ll see how it works out.
I'm glad you don't feel the need to find another yoga teacher because of that strange behavior, yet. I have been known to say provocative things to get attention but don't take that route often.
Honestly, I've never noticed whether or not people are looking at me: not that I'd care. I don't do the eye contact thing when talking to people. I knew a mafioso, who lectured me on my lack of eye contact, in a grandfatherly way. He was from a very urban culture where people are constantly lying, and spend an awful lot of their time, trying to figure-out each other's lies.
But I am good at explaining. I told him that I'm from a (rural, Mississippi, non-white) culture where looking people in the eye, is perceived as a challenge or something else bad, like maybe wanting to interact with them. And it's true. Eye contact, in Mississippi, can get you killed. After that, he relaxed around me, and realized that I was computing all sorts of peripheral things, and didn't NEED to watch anyone's face.
So, he'd make sure to be at a slightly oblique angle from me, across conference tables, so that he could watch every nuance of my face and body language, as others were making proposals, and I was seemingly off in another world - but wasn't... really. And he's not the only one. "I want her at the table." "I want her on the plane."
Anyway, who can blame men, for not looking at women? For the last couple of decades, they've been afraid of being perceived as predators. I've had them tell me that they're afraid of even being seen as noticing that a woman was in the room, unless she was the person there, with whom he HAD TO interact.
I've noticed times when a man would avoid going through an entrance door, when some woman was blocking it, talking to someone. Just saying "Excuse me", carried too-high a risk of getting attitude or suspicion.
And I've seen women get absolutely livid, because a man didn't remember them, or notice them, or something. Once, when we were in the city hall of a posh little exurb, somewhere, and some functionary who was plopped-down on a sofa, got up in my Decorator's face, because he didn't notice and/or remember her. She was pretending to be joking, but was shaking-mad about it.
Later, in the car, "I assume she's pretty?... or maybe used to be pretty? WHO is she?" (he has to ask if women are attractive: he really has no idea)
On a jobsite, my Decorator doesn't look at anyone with whom he's talking. In refineries, my husband doesn't spend more than a millisecond looking at anyone, either in R&D, or workmen. I don't, when going over things with associates, or when making inspections of properties.
Frankly, I find it creepy, when people insist on getting-close, and maintaining eye contact. It gives me headaches.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 06-04-2022 at 12:57 PM..
Maybe you reminded him of an ex. Or maybe he thought you were sensitive and didn't want to come off as "mansplaining" so he "mansplained" to someone else lol..... or maybe he's one of those people who find it easier to not look at the person he's actually addressing. Some people are like that, those who read people very well..... it can be distracting, because your mind is simultaneously gauging their subtle body language cues and it can sometimes be too much information and your mind gets sidetracked from what you were talking about. Easier to just look away or look elsewhere.
There are a lot of different reasons why he didn't look at you..... and a lot of them having nothing to do with color or gender.
Maybe you reminded him of an ex. Or maybe he thought you were sensitive and didn't want to come off as "mansplaining" so he "mansplained" to someone else lol..... or maybe he's one of those people who find it easier to not look at the person he's actually addressing. Some people are like that, those who read people very well..... it can be distracting, because your mind is simultaneously gauging their subtle body language cues and it can sometimes be too much information and your mind gets sidetracked from what you were talking about. Easier to just look away or look elsewhere.
There are a lot of different reasons why he didn't look at you..... and a lot of them having nothing to do with color or gender.
Wow, i never thought there was so much going on in a simple face to face human contact. I am going to chalk it up to his lack of manners and unfamiliarity and discomfort with anyone other than white the first time it happened.
As for the more recent incident with the yoga instructor, it still has something to do with comfort level with poc and ethnicity, nothing more.
Honestly, I've never noticed whether or not people are looking at me: not that I'd care. I don't do the eye contact thing when talking to people. I knew a mafioso, who lectured me on my lack of eye contact, in a grandfatherly way. He was from a very urban culture where people are constantly lying, and spend an awful lot of their time, trying to figure-out each other's lies.
But I am good at explaining. I told him that I'm from a (rural, Mississippi, non-white) culture where looking people in the eye, is perceived as a challenge or something else bad, like maybe wanting to interact with them. And it's true. Eye contact, in Mississippi, can get you killed. After that, he relaxed around me, and realized that I was computing all sorts of peripheral things, and didn't NEED to watch anyone's face.
So, he'd make sure to be at a slightly oblique angle from me, across conference tables, so that he could watch every nuance of my face and body language, as others were making proposals, and I was seemingly off in another world - but wasn't... really. And he's not the only one. "I want her at the table." "I want her on the plane."
Anyway, who can blame men, for not looking at women? For the last couple of decades, they've been afraid of being perceived as predators. I've had them tell me that they're afraid of even being seen as noticing that a woman was in the room, unless she was the person there, with whom he HAD TO interact.
I've noticed times when a man would avoid going through an entrance door, when some woman was blocking it, talking to someone. Just saying "Excuse me", carried too-high a risk of getting attitude or suspicion.
And I've seen women get absolutely livid, because a man didn't remember them, or notice them, or something. Once, when we were in the city hall of a posh little exurb, somewhere, and some functionary who was plopped-down on a sofa, got up in my Decorator's face, because he didn't notice and/or remember her. She was pretending to be joking, but was shaking-mad about it.
Later, in the car, "I assume she's pretty?... or maybe used to be pretty? WHO is she?" (he has to ask if women are attractive: he really has no idea)
On a jobsite, my Decorator doesn't look at anyone with whom he's talking. In refineries, my husband doesn't spend more than a millisecond looking at anyone, either in R&D, or workmen. I don't, when going over things with associates, or when making inspections of properties.
Frankly, I find it creepy, when people insist on getting-close, and maintaining eye contact. It gives me headaches.
The other person involved was also a woman and he had no problem with face to face conversation. Just saying.
Interesting. Does not happen to me, though, not even when I am 6'3" with my heels.
I would think for OP - you are intimidating, too pretty, not pretty, too much in his face, have had makeup smeared and he feels uncomfortable looking at it, something in your teeth, he is just rude, he doesn't like women, he is a racist, he doesn't want to come off as staring or sexual, watched too many HR videos about harassment, you are showing nipples or bust, etc.
I had a bf once who said he comes from an area (ghetto in NY) where you don't look at people if you don't want to risk getting into a fight. Others may think you are challenging them by looking at them
LOL. The second paragraph is too funny, I could not stop laughing. Wanted to rep you, but could not. Your analysis in the third paragraph sounds so right. I think that guy in the OP maybe has a little autism.
How did he talk to or answer questions from someone else besides you, OP? Did he look at somebody else too? Or did he look straight into that person's eyes?
There are some guys, or gals too, may keep leering at others or the surrounding while talking to someone. On the other hand, there are some people (rare though) who really dislike people who talk to them and look straight into their eyes. Both types appear to be strange/weird/dishonest, or they have some kind of disorder. Who knows?
I heard a story about this guy (in a high position) who had a very bad temper and hated people who looked straight into his eyes while talking to him. One time he had his assistant with him in his car. He caught her to look at him in the mirror. He yelled at her and dropped her off right on the highway. None of his employees dared to look into his eyes while talking to him. That was very absurd. But anything can happen in the world.
Someone once said animals view direct eye contact as confrontational . Someone I knew used to want to sit side by side rather than across. I found that a bit weird.
Ummm, that is ultra weird. Who the heck doesn't face a person when talking to them? It's almost like a skit from SNL.
Possibilites:
1) You are so vibrantly beautiful that he is intimidated and dare not look at you directly.
2) Is it possible that he is on the spectrum (autistic)? My friend's little boy never looks @ you when talking, he looks down etc.
3) Some guys are super shy and if they are attracted to you, they literally can't look directly at you.
TBH it's perplexing. It's just strange to do that.
Yes to this response ^^^
Don't be offended. With a crowd in the room the host usually looks at someone that fits easy to look at and not become nervous. The instructor s likely an introvert. Not everyone will feel comfortable speaking in front of groups of 10 or more ever. Some are better at teaching private or two people than 15-30 people.
Ummm, that is ultra weird. Who the heck doesn't face a person when talking to them? It's almost like a skit from SNL.
Possibilites:
1) You are so vibrantly beautiful that he is intimidated and dare not look at you directly.
2) Is it possible that he is on the spectrum (autistic)? My friend's little boy never looks @ you when talking, he looks down etc.
3) Some guys are super shy and if they are attracted to you, they literally can't look directly at you.
TBH it's perplexing. It's just strange to do that.
The OP is retirement age based on other posts of hers I have seen. I doubt your options 1) and 3) apply in this case.
I guess it's better than him staring at your breasts while he's talking to you. Hey dude! My eyes are up here^^!
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