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Old 10-06-2022, 02:30 PM
 
6,296 posts, read 4,192,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
As I said earlier, if you're perfectly happy with your life now, you're not apt to have many regrets.
Happiness is not something I take for granted or happens by accident. It’s more a matter of readjusting expectations, learning to live around some things (aging, health, circumstances beyond my control, and accepting choices) and letting go.

Yes I’m generally happy but I do what I can to set the stage to be happy, despite the challenges.
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Old 10-06-2022, 02:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
I feel the same way about many of my mistakes when I was younger, particularly socially. I was very shy, risk averse and non-assertive. I married late. We waited a few years before trying to have children. Ended up adopting. My children are a couple of those wonderful things.
I was a hapless victim of circumstances beyond my control growing up and my childhood was a matter of survival. I suffered terribly and my main mission in life was survive and thrive and live a happy life. I did do one thing that was awful as a recovering older teen but post trauma pain is a selfish mistress and thankfully I didn’t succeed . Had I regretted it I wouldn’t be here so I forgave myself and learned a valuable lesson.

Your children are blessed.
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Old 10-06-2022, 03:26 PM
bu2
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
I was a hapless victim of circumstances beyond my control growing up and my childhood was a matter of survival. I suffered terribly and my main mission in life was survive and thrive and live a happy life. I did do one thing that was awful as a recovering older teen but post trauma pain is a selfish mistress and thankfully I didn’t succeed . Had I regretted it I wouldn’t be here so I forgave myself and learned a valuable lesson.

Your children are blessed.
Your comment reminded me of the movie, "Coyote Ugly." The protagonist wants to be a songwriter. Her boyfriend grew up in foster homes and told her his dream was simply to live on his own. That was his dream.
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Old 10-06-2022, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
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I make a distinction between regrets (knowing the right thing to do, and not doing it anyway, usually out of some combination of cowardice or sloth) and disappointments (expecting something and not getting it).

Due to very poorly-set expectations in my youth, I have tended to have quite a few disappointments, but ... as I have been pretty consistently true to the light I had at any given point in time, not so many regrets.

I could, technically, regret my first marriage which was super ill-advised and ended super-badly. Particularly since it's the "gift" that's kept on giving. My first wife was diagnosed ultimately with paranoid schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder. The son we had together eventually ended up with schizoid personality disorder, a not-infrequent problem of the children of schizophrenics, and died indirectly of that condition in young adulthood. Yet: I was just doing what I knew at the time. "Just marry a good Christian girl, and everything will be fine", they said. Yeah, right!

Even if that HAD been selfish, cowardly or lazy on my part, would it serve any useful purpose to beat myself up about it? As it is, it was more inexperienced, naive and overly trusting / credulous. And life has wised me up accordingly.

To the OP's point of the "power" of regret ... yes, certainly owning some truly regrettable thing you did allows you to grow and correct your thinking. There are people who are very reactive, un-self aware, lacking in sufficient empathy for others and do deliberate harm. Running from that would not be a Good Thing either.

But in my experience and observation, people of reasonably good conscience tend to be too hard on themselves, rather than too easy. As someone or other once said, "the whole problem with the world is that the wise are unsure of themselves, and fools are cocksure".
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Old 10-07-2022, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Wooster, Ohio
4,140 posts, read 3,046,164 times
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I regret that I have put on a few extra pounds over the years. That weighs on me.


On a more serious note, given the chance, I would not take the opportunity to go back in time and make changes. Some of the changes would be off limits to me because I do not have the necessary skill set. I am afraid that other minor changes might result in an unforeseen catastrophe to me, rather than the avoidance of a minor problem.


I see conception as a role-playing game, where your genetics and environment determine your skill set. You can't choose your parents, or even the sperm and egg that formed you. The best you can do is to go in the areas that best utilize your skill set. I am pretty satisfied about how I performed overall.
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Old 10-07-2022, 11:30 AM
 
Location: USA
246 posts, read 120,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiGuy2.5 View Post
Regret has an element of hindsight to it. The funny thing about hindsight is that it's impossible to put yourself back into your state of mind prior to the events unfolding.

When we have a full 20/20 view of what transpired, the decisions you made, and the final outcome it's easy to say I "regret" this or that. In reality you were working with the information you had at that time and made your decision. Whether your decision panned out like you expected or not is what causes your "regret".

For example, I regret the best man I chose for my wedding. It was between my childhood lifelong friend who my mom calls her second son but rarely saw OR a friend I hung out with 2X a week or more, worked with, and made me his best man at his wedding. I chose the friend I saw all of the time because at that time he truly WAS my best friend. Eventually he moved to Raleigh and my childhood friend moved back so we reconnected. I'd love to reverse my decision but it's not possible. Its not that my choice was bad, I just feel that my childhood best friend deserved the honor more. Either way, its done.

To the poster who said they regret moving to Florida for retirement. You took a risk and it didn't pay off. You could have just as easily loved every bit of it and regretted not moving sooner, so you never know.
Hi ChiGuy , I just want to tell you , that I feel you have had a terrific life so far and that I sincerely hope you keep on keeping on with making the right choices about life (with the exception of your best man). I am truly amazed that with all things that come a persons way , that this , even being young, is your worst regret. I have many , because I made many rotten choices. The other side of that coin is , I have so much to be grateful for , some good choices and some luck. I am very happy for you , You will have bigger choices, I wish you all the best.
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Old 10-07-2022, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,523 posts, read 84,705,921 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
Your comment reminded me of the movie, "Coyote Ugly." The protagonist wants to be a songwriter. Her boyfriend grew up in foster homes and told her his dream was simply to live on his own. That was his dream.


This reminds me of a conversation on the Retirement forum when someone asked if people had found what they'd hoped for in Retirement. Some had been traveling, others had been disappointed that health did not allow them to travel as they'd planned, and so forth.

I think the best answer was the person who said, "I worked all my life and my dream was always that I wouldn't have to work anymore, and now I don't because I'm retired." Simple. I could relate to that.
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Old 10-07-2022, 02:45 PM
 
21,884 posts, read 12,943,092 times
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I disagree with the definition of regret being "knowing the right thing to do, but not doing it." With most of my regrets, I (obviously) thought I was doing the right thing, or I wouldn't have done it. Or I thought not doing it was the right thing, so I didn't do it. It turned out in many cases I was wrong; to err is human... You could also call those "mistakes," but I do regret them. If you know you're doing the wrong thing and later feel guilt about it, I would instead call that "remorse." I do, however, agree with the definition of "disappointment" being "sadness at events not turning out as one desired."

Last edited by otterhere; 10-07-2022 at 03:15 PM..
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Old 10-09-2022, 05:53 AM
 
Location: Inland FL
2,529 posts, read 1,860,634 times
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Yes I regret not investing in index funds at 18. Lost out on ten years worth of growth.
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Old 11-05-2022, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Southern California
12,767 posts, read 14,963,616 times
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I can honestly say NO...not in any aspect in my life school wise, career, w/ family, etc.
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