Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-07-2022, 12:05 PM
 
3,657 posts, read 3,286,249 times
Reputation: 7039

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Natnasci View Post
You can have both. I have regrets, especially the things I've done that may have hurt people, but I accept them and move on. They aren't holding me back.

To say to myself that I have no regrets, sounds a bit uncaring.
It isn't uncaring to yourself. You need to be happy and healthy too, not just to others.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-07-2022, 12:08 PM
 
3,657 posts, read 3,286,249 times
Reputation: 7039
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
40 years ago I was too cheap to shell out $10 for a wedding band at K Mart as part of job interview wardrobe.
Sounds like you had misguided information. Many were gainfully employed who weren't married and didn't wear fake rings to interviews and worked in the 1980s.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-07-2022, 06:35 PM
 
178 posts, read 115,740 times
Reputation: 658
Just to expand on my extremely brief post #76.

A visualization could help. Say I am digging soil. Eventually, I unearth old... something. I look closer. It is old clothes. A skirt, a scarf, a pair of pants. They are half-rotten. I pick some up, they fall apart in my fingers. Do I think they are valuable to me now? No. Do I want to clean them up and wear them? No. They are half compost, and soon will be 100% compost.

The regrets of the past are like that, to me. I used to, too, carry memories of something that evoked strong emotions. Something happened (I grew up? maybe too late, but still did?), and have no emotions for those "half-compost" whatevers.

The road to where I am in life, took turns and ups and downs. I don't regret the turns, the ups and the downs. They all created me the way I am right now. I have an optimistic core (with a somewhat pessimistic shell), and in that core I have always trusted that everything will turn out all right. It did, every time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-12-2022, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Southern California
12,767 posts, read 14,963,616 times
Reputation: 15331
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Wow!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruegel View Post
...
The same.

Yes, some of us live on the straight & narrow.

Bruegel,
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2023, 02:34 PM
 
3,493 posts, read 3,200,839 times
Reputation: 6523
Quote:
Originally Posted by eeyore1974 View Post
Odd I have never once broached the subject of marriage in an interview or looked at a finger for a ring.
People have brought up divorced as the reason for job change on more than one occasion.

During the mid-1980's (I presume you were just a kid then) the AIDs epidemic was in full swing. And the TV was outing the gory details of what stuff guys were doing on Folsom St in SF. There were 30 yr old guys rather suddenly getting real gaunt & skinny. And getting sickly & dying. And it was usually the good looking ones, usually popular and more talented than average. (up to then, being nicely dressed and groomed and being more talented than average was part of being "closet" a necessity if you were "that way.") Some of them now coming up with big red patches of KS all over their bodies. Eeeww! It was embarrassing for, say, a group of businessmen, who are, to quite a degree, "image" focused. So, take no chances! The term "bachelor" was by then long gone. And bachelors (not otherwise specified) weren't just only potentially party boys, but something way more "unreliable" hires than just a risk of oversleeping and hungover.

Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 10-23-2023 at 02:47 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2023, 03:47 PM
 
867 posts, read 456,969 times
Reputation: 1040
Yeah, there's regrets and some very big like my marriage and things involved there but some people and other relationships too and some life regrets.
A lot of things l could've done different, sometimes wish l did but at the same time, l was never gonna be the norm and never have been so that comes at it's costs and l always knew it would even back in school.
When you've always known the trail your gonna take isn't on any map you also knew to the rest that might come with it.

Butttt, l can say l've done and lived everything l've ever wanted to do and more , and that most will never do except for maybe ticking a few things on some silly bucket list for a few wks or mths of their life at the end of it, if they're lucky and still able ,when they're old and done with the rest. No bucket lists for me l've already done em all and many more and lived it my whole life.
So yeah there's some regrets but there's also a huge satisfaction and contentment now and l'm not even at bucket list age yet but l've never lived the life they'll live while waiting either.
They'll have regrets too, l knew that, saw it in older people even when l was a kid,not in my own family they were different to but l saw it everywhere else, l didn't wanna be them.
l use to think l'm not working my whole life in shythole taking orders and living in some suburb until l'm 65. l'm doing it now l wanna live my dreams, my life will be my dreams, and l have and it has but, that comes with both sides of the coin too but eh, knew it would.

Last edited by randomx; 10-23-2023 at 04:05 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-24-2023, 01:11 AM
 
15,951 posts, read 7,012,752 times
Reputation: 8543
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I think there are two general categories for "regrets." One is that which affects yourself (choices made, directions taken or not, etc.) and those that affect others (estrangement, breakups, maybe cruel treatment). I have more of the first kind than the second, although I recognize that I couldn't have been a different person at those times.
That is a good way to distinguish between regret and remorse. Remorse makes us to be more mindful of how we act or neglect to act or speak. It makes us be better selves, be kinder, gentler, more giving.
Regret is about the choices we made and you hit the nail on that, that we could not have done otherwise. That i think one can get past by being thankful for what we have accomplished and where we are todday.Count the blessings. Dwelling on those regrets is not useful.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-25-2023, 05:00 PM
 
867 posts, read 456,969 times
Reputation: 1040
Yeah any distinctions pretty easy stuff though couldn't imagine anyone not knowing the difference, there's all kinds of regrets for all kinds of reasons.
Me , not saying l live life or walk around moaning to myself about regrets , it's not like that l was just commenting really.ln reality l'm 50s and excepted many moons ago what's done is done and most of it can never be undone, that's life.
Some of it lead to better things that could never have happened otherwise it might just be a shame that they had to happen in those ways but still , some lead to worse or caused something else but again that's life and what's done is usually done.

But as you get older you do think about things whatever your life is now, it's only natural, reflect, or whatever you wanna call it.
An older friend of mine who's lived a life like no other and of whom l have so much respect for says yesterday is long gone and can't be un'gone it's tomorrow that matters now.
And of course yeah sure that's a pretty common thought one way or another but then it usually isn't coming from a man like this, that's the difference.
A lot of his life has been chaos and often through no fault of his own but at others some of course but from him for me it's all about how he got to where he is now at 67 and the courage it's taken.
At any rate , he's been happily married 12yrs now finally, he's 4th marriage , they live in a gorgeous but v simple little house he built himself on 1/2 a hect 13yrs ago , while turning his life around .
He's sort of living now my very last dream but yet from where he's come from , it's truly incredible.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2023, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Ruston, Louisiana
2,071 posts, read 1,039,331 times
Reputation: 4743
Quote:
Originally Posted by KittenSparkles View Post
I have a major regret in my life that has been weighing on me for a few years now. Its regarding a relationship with a family member. They are still alive, so its possible I still have time to do something about it.

So it probably isn't a surprise I was drawn to this audiobook - The Power of Regret. It sounds a bit cheesy, but its deep, and really thought-provoking. It goes completely against the pop-psychology notion of having "no regrets." I highly recommend it.

The author has been conducting research on regret through his website with a survey - https://worldregretsurvey.com/ - so far more than 19,000 people have submitted a significant regret they have, along with some basic demographic information. Its anonymous, and only takes a minute to complete. I submitted mine.

If you click on the survey link, and scroll down, there is a map where you can read regrets people have submitted from all over the world by country, and in the US and Canada, by state. Its really amazing to see the commonalities of what people regret in their lives, despite age and gender.
I don't have time to read what other people regret. It doesn't interest me in the least. Why harbor regret, it's the same as harboring guilt. There is no reason for it, there is nothing harboring it can do or change. It is a useless issue that has no value.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-26-2023, 11:46 AM
 
Location: USA
3,108 posts, read 1,002,933 times
Reputation: 5941
No, I don't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top