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I find people marrying and dating people who I would never even go on one date with.
So there are people who will gravitate toward others who you would want nothing to do with.
So the looks part - it's rather mystical.
Kind of what I was going to say. You only need to go to the nearest Walmart to see that even the most repugnant people can find partners if they set their standards low enough.
There are also people who chose partners to boost their own image.. This may, or may not backfire, if they make a marriage based on their spouses attractiveness or occupation.
There are also people who chose partners to boost their own image.. This may, or may not backfire, if they make a marriage based on their spouses attractiveness or occupation.
According to That Which We Do Not Speak Of, women have sex with men based on attractiveness, but marry men based on occupation/stability.
As for men, they're not too picky. As long as a woman is a willing taker and treats them decently, she's legit.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TonyB83
Whenever I browse forums I see people who say stay in your league looks wise and over the years I’ve heard people tell me I was too good looking for my partner and vice versa. Why do we put looks on such a high pedestal to where we think the better looking person is on a higher level and worth more and a lesser attractive person is worth less?
It’s a sad commentary imo when to a lot of people that’s the most important measuring stick on where you are of value in the dating scene. I’d never want to be with such a bore of a person who lacks such depth that that’s where they think most of someone’s value comes from
I don’t think smart ppl who are looking for a relationship do this.^^ And, ofc….there has to be chemistry or attraction at 1st before you can get to know them better to check off the other & more important boxes. BUT, you can also ask….why would you date somebody you aren’t attracted to?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
According to That Which We Do Not Speak Of, women have sex with men based on attractiveness, but marry men based on occupation/stability.
As for men, they're not too picky. As long as a woman is a willing taker and treats them decently, she's legit.
This made me laugh out loud. Do you say this because of your own experience? IMO, there are men out there that put a lot of emphasis on our looks & nothing else…especially if they are attractive themselves or young & successful. With women, we probably look at the “whole package” more often….attractiveness, occupation AND you forgot the most important, how a man treats us.
I don’t think smart ppl who are looking for a relationship do this.^^ And, ofc….there has to be chemistry or attraction at 1st before you can get to know them better to check off the other & more important boxes. BUT, you can also ask….why would you date somebody you aren’t attracted to?
This made me laugh out loud. Do you say this because of your own experience? IMO, there are men out there that put a lot of emphasis on our looks & nothing else…especially if they are attractive themselves or young & successful. With women, we probably look at the “whole package” more often….attractiveness, occupation AND you forgot the most important, how a man treats us.
Sometimes I think us women INFER a lot of characteristics onto a man, when we're attracted to them. We might find out later that we were wrong...but I think maybe it's something we do.
"What a great smile. I bet he's nice. That glint in his eyes makes me think he has a good sense of humor." OR "Wow, his eyes are burning right through me. Dang, he's HOT. He might be a pool boy for all I know...but he's sizzling!"
Women can be attracted to someone for a whole lot of reasons. Classic good looks are fine, and it's not like we're not going to notice...but I don't think we put the same emphasis on looks that men do.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Sometimes I think us women INFER a lot of characteristics onto a man, when we're attracted to them. We might find out later that we were wrong...but I think maybe it's something we do.
"What a great smile. I bet he's nice. That glint in his eyes makes me think he has a good sense of humor." OR "Wow, his eyes are burning right through me. Dang, he's HOT. He might be a pool boy for all I know...but he's sizzling!"
I might have liked a hot pool boy type when I was younger. For me tho, it was about the beach. I grew up in SoCal. But after college, I wouldn’t have given a “pool boy” a second look.
You might be right that some women do this^^ but it’s not being relationship smart or knowing your worth. Once we are past 25 or so, I think most of us make better choices. We have to mature just like men. It just takes them a little longer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
Women can be attracted to someone for a whole lot of reasons. Classic good looks are fine, and it's not like we're not going to notice...but I don't think we put the same emphasis on looks that men do.
ITA. That’s kind of what I said in my post. Successful & attractive men look more for physical beauty….especially when they are younger. We look for attractiveness too BUT, we look more for the whole package.
The most important part for me was always how the man treated me AND other ppl. IMO, it was a red flag if they didn’t have a good relationship & sense of humor with family & friends. It was one of the many things that attracted me to my husband when I first met him after noticing how fit & handsome he is AND he has a nice smile too.^^
I kind of feel like we're dancing around each other...saying mostly the same thing, but slightly different. lol
I'm trying to say that a guy could weigh 300 lbs, wearing a baggy suit and needing a haircut, but I see how kind he is to children, or how kind he is to old people, or how commanding and knowledgeable he might be in his field, and I will find THAT attractive...or better put, I will be ATTRACTED to that.
I think sometimes people get confused between 'attractive' and 'attracted'. I can look at some celebrity magazine and easily acknowledge that most of the pictures in those magazines are of attractive people, men and women. But for the most part, I am not attracted to them. For example, most people would say that Alexander Skarsgard is an attractive man. I can acknowledge that he's attractive. However, I'm NOT attracted to him. I'm not attracted to most blonds. There's nothing wrong with them, I'm just not attracted to them.
But I CAN (and have) been attracted to plain looking (to most people) men because of the way they smiled at me, or displayed some humor, or kindness, or leadership...I was ATTRACTED to that.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,577,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
For example, most people would say that Alexander Skarsgard is an attractive man. I can acknowledge that he's attractive. However, I'm NOT attracted to him.
ITA with this. I need to know more about a man to be attracted to him…ofc, I don’t know more about celebrities. BUT IMO, this is the same for some men too. I know women that my husband has said are attractive…but he isn’t attracted to them. A first impression can be a lot different from when you get to know them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB
I'm trying to say that a guy could weigh 300 lbs, wearing a baggy suit and needing a haircut, but I see how kind he is to children, or how kind he is to old people, or how commanding and knowledgeable he might be in his field, and I will find THAT attractive...or better put, I will be ATTRACTED to that.
Tho here is where we are a little different. I always needed to find a man attractive first & then….I start looking at the other stuff. He will not be attractive to me anymore if he doesn’t fit all the other important qualities like kindness & how he treats me…OR, he will become even more attractive if he does. It’s not that his looks or chemistry are the most important thing, but it’s the easiest thing to check off the box first.
A 300# overweight man would not be attractive to me…or a short man either. I’m just being honest.
ITA with this. I need to know more about a man to be attracted to him…ofc, I don’t know more about celebrities. BUT IMO, this is the same for some men too. I know women that my husband has said are attractive…but he isn’t attracted to them. A first impression can be a lot different from when you get to know them.
Tho here is where we are a little different. I always needed to find a man attractive first & then….I start looking at the other stuff. He will not be attractive to me anymore if he doesn’t fit all the other important qualities like kindness & how he treats me…OR, he will become even more attractive if he does. It’s not that his looks or chemistry are the most important thing, but it’s the easiest thing to check off the box first.
A 300# overweight man would not be attractive to me…or a short man either. I’m just being honest.
I think that's totally fair...and on paper, I would've said the same thing...except I WAS attracted to a man many many years ago, who weighed that much, and all it took was a spark. I glimpsed a compassionate look that he gave to someone...that kindness...and that was it. He liked me back, but not nearly as much as I liked him. He broke my heart a little, down the road.
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