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To some extent, cool is in the eye of the beholder.
The point about any given style being cool in one situation but uncool to the point of spectacle in another, that's fashion. Any fashion you can think of can be appropriate in certain situations but completely out of place in others.
Of course in America there is that whole capitalist worship of wealth and fame, so if Lenny Kravitz showed up at a suits and ties kind of ultra fancy restaurant wearing jeans and silky scarves and his own style, once they recognized him as rich and famous maybe they'd let him get away with whatever, which would be a certain kind of "cool." Do we admire those who can defy the rules that apply to everyone else? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Sometimes it depends on whether we believe that someone earned the privilege to do so, with work or talent, or if they just had it bestowed upon them, and also, if they abuse it or not. And whose rules are being broken, and whether it harms anyone.
Cool people are never bullies. If you are a mean person, you aren't cool. They strike a balance between humility and confidence, between being (these days) responsible enough to function as an adult, and a devil-may-care sense of fun. They might not care what other people think, but they do care how other people feel. They are enjoyable to be around, they are good conversationalists, and they're socially savvy enough to avoid gaffes and blunders. But their pride is not so puffed up and pretentious that they can't admit when they are wrong or laugh at themselves. They are intelligent without being pedantic, and have a great sense of humor.
When one is cool, they might be their own worst critic, but they are not tiresome in how they express that, they just use it to constantly drive efforts to become better. They don't compare themselves to others. Neither in the sense of elevating themselves above others to pompous superiority, nor beating themselves down to feeling inferior. They use their own progress as the yardstick to judge success.
I've seen people who were so uncool that they made it cool. Like, I've known nerdy autistics who found ways to be cool. It's mostly about embracing who you are, flaws and all, finding your groove, being your own unique self, and again...humor. I can't emphasize that enough, I've never in my life met a truly cool person who didn't have a fantastic sense of humor. And a lack of one can make someone who otherwise may seem cool, look like a pretentious ass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111
Being cool to me is about being your own person and not following the crowd but that's not what most people agree is cool. In fact, people who are don't follow the crowd, who march to their own drum, are usually considered weirdos and shunned. For example, young women who are beautiful, extroverted, and fun are usually considered cool. Women who are religious and dress modestly are considered not cool. I would rather not follow the crowd and be my own person even if I end up being called a weirdo.
I think that one is a "cool in the eye of the beholder" situation because cool is much more than just fashion or sex appeal. I've met people who outwardly seemed uncool in that religious/modest way you describe, yet upon talking to them I found that they had open minds, interesting stories to tell, and a sense of humor, and that there was a lot about them that was cool and relatable. Religion, though, I mean...kinda comes down to what you make of it. Those whose main investment in it is making themselves feel superior through righteousness and to bully other people...they have never been cool. But that's more the personality of the individual than it really is the faith, because from what I know, most religious philosophies are not really about that. People just use them to sanctify their own agendas for power over others. It's an excuse, when a mean person just wants to be mean.
And many religious individuals (including my own dear younger brother) are not that way at all. I think that my brother is very cool. He has traveled the world doing hard labor in charity for the poor. Kindness is at the core of his faith, and love. Not making a case for why he's better than anyone else.
Despite the images we've had in popular culture, I don't believe that you have to be "bad" to be "cool."
What does it really mean though? I like to watch the Netflix shows where the young folks all come together and live in a villa. There are various shows. Some are looking for relationships or hookups or jobs.
People are different though. We don’t like the same things. Regardless, you have to be cool to thrive. Do we compromise our values to be cool? Do we instinctively and naturally have “ cool”:genes in our DNA?
The definition of Cool varies by person, and by maturity, and by era and circumstance.
Let's say it was cool in 1995 to have a sports car with a V12 engine. Well, that's not cool now because EV's are cool.
Having a coke connection was cool in 1975 when you were 20 but it would be pathetic to have a coke connection in 2015 when you were 60.
Being chubby in 1890 was cool because food was scarce, and people had to struggle to consume enough calories to maintain their body weight. Now being chubby is not cool (despite what they tell you about Lizzo).
What we instinctively have, is a desire to fit in. We want to be popular (which increases our chances of reproducing) so that means driving the appropriate car or having the appropriate taste in drugs or alcohol, and being able to afford food (or a gym membership).
The definition of Cool varies by person, and by maturity, and by era and circumstance.
Let's say it was cool in 1995 to have a sports car with a V12 engine. Well, that's not cool now because EV's are cool.
Having a coke connection was cool in 1975 when you were 20 but it would be pathetic to have a coke connection in 2015 when you were 60.
Being chubby in 1890 was cool because food was scarce, and people had to struggle to consume enough calories to maintain their body weight. Now being chubby is not cool (despite what they tell you about Lizzo).
What we instinctively have, is a desire to fit in. We want to be popular (which increases our chances of reproducing) so that means driving the appropriate car or having the appropriate taste in drugs or alcohol, and being able to afford food (or a gym membership).
None of that really factors into the things that I think are cool. But as I said, it's in the eye of the beholder to some degree.
I was thinking about this, and realized something. While I stand by everything I said before about what makes most people I know cool or not... There is something that boosts my opinion of someone into "VERY cool" territory. It's when they are doing things with their lives that I admire. Not necessarily things I wish to do myself, but that I find impressive, sometimes BECAUSE I can't imagine doing them.
I have two friends who travel the world. Not just as a brief phase or a trip to this or that specific location and then home, but for months or years at a time. Going from one place to another to another. They share updates about their activities and experiences on Facebook and I always love to see them.
I got to know a few members of the band, GWAR, and they always struck me as extremely cool because they devoted their lives to this art collective project, even when it didn't pay, even when it was a struggle, even though it has claimed lives, they have stayed the course and stuck with it. It is a very DIY organization, which is very punk rock of them. Super cool.
Famous people who deliberately did the industry dances to maximize success and profit are not very cool to me. It is their job. They do it well sometimes, and good for them. But the ones with the real tenacity, or the ones who are involved in a labor of love, who will do it whether they are making tons of cash or not...the real artists, musicians, dancers, writers, actors, people who put so much passion behind what they share with the world, regardless of how it is received... There is a higher stratosphere of cool with these types, in my opinion.
No, just being a good little conformist and fitting in...that's not cool. Not really.
Interesting. I thought a “cool” person is cool no matter the demographic or culture. Could Lenny Kravitz be cool in one setting and weird or a spectacle in another? Again, interesting…
Lenny Kravitz would be cool on the Moon.
I don't think cool is cultural or demographic. It's one of those characteristics you know when you see it.
I've been trying to think of others who are not as famous as the ones I mentioned.
No, just being a good little conformist and fitting in...that's not cool. Not really.
The Pie of Coolness is cut into thousands of slices, each with its own flavor, and there is no single definition. Conformity is cool to many people, though some may complain that can't possibly be Capital-C Cool.
Come on guys, Lenny in a restaurant was just trying to make a point using a rhetorical example. Not everything is literal. Sheesh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtab4994
The Pie of Coolness is cut into thousands of slices, each with its own flavor, and there is no single definition. Conformity is cool to many people, though some may complain that can't possibly be Capital-C Cool.
I don't know, I haven't really seen it past about high school. But perhaps that's because I don't hang out in circles where being the shiniest plastic action figure or Barbie doll on the shelf is valued.
There are MANY spaces in American society at least, where that sort of thing, taking your style and self verbatim from some standard template rather than finding your own thing...is seen as completely boring.
I don't find boring people to be very cool, but maybe that's just me.
And I don't just mean outward, fashion type uniqueness, if anything, CHARACTER, what you get in conversations with someone, or the things that they do with their lives, is more important than how they look.
...
There are MANY spaces in American society at least, where that sort of thing, taking your style and self verbatim from some standard template rather than finding your own thing...is seen as completely boring.
I don't find boring people to be very cool, but maybe that's just me.
I think I'm using a much broader definition of Cool than you are. The point I'm trying to make is that it simply means different things to different people, and that doesn't bother me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=033FInn1wH8
I think I'm using a much broader definition of Cool than you are. The point I'm trying to make is that it simply means different things to different people, and that doesn't bother me.
No, that doesn't bother me either. (The fact that cool has many definitions. The video on the other hand...is a bit disturbing, if kind of funny in its horribleness, as I'm sure it's supposed to be.)
How about this... What is "uncool?" What does it look like when someone definitely is NOT cool?
I am actually thinking of someone I know right now... When I first met this dude, I thought he was cool. He was with a group of people from Massachusetts at a music festival event I was at. He was hilarious, totally entertaining, just acting a complete fool and a clown the whole time. Had me in stitches.
But I went to this festival year after year, and I got to know this group of people he was part of, and I ended up friends with him and them on social media...and it became clear pretty quick that this guy was NOT cool. He was in fact, kind of insane. And a total burden most of the time to his friend group who were all getting really sick of his crap. He was only hilarious or "cool" in the smallest of small doses. Even being friends with him on Facebook you started to see how awful and exhausting a person he was.
Eventually he pushed everyone away with his problem behaviors. I haven't heard from or about him in years.
There are different kinds of uncool, as well, I guess. People who are perceived as just boring, those who are awkward and uncomfortable to be around, those who actually behave badly enough to cause real problems for anyone who is close to them in life...
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