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One of my New Year’s resolutions is to stop being rude and to stop arguing online.
From now on, I am not going to be rude or argue online. And if someone is rude to me or wants to argue, I am not going to engage.
This is in the psychology forum because I read in the Wall Street Journal that you can change your personality, even late in life, and taking a small step at a time helps do that.
So, everyone, if you see me being rude or arguing, you can hold me accountable.
I don't believe that you have ever been rude on here or "argued" with anyone. Provided extra information, yes. That was seen as "changing your story." No. You provided more information. You clarified things. The only thing I can see is that when first posting you need to make sure that you're very clear and especially, thorough. Then people can't come along and claim that you've "changed your story." When answering criticism, you haven't been rude or disrespectful even though some people have been very critical and actually rude. That'll gain me a lot of points. I don't care. Sometimes people need to realize things.
I won't say that my keel is always 100% even, but I learned some years back that if I am having a rough day or I'm emotionally raw about something, then the last thing I ought to do is bring it here. I have not got really worked up about anything here since like 2015ish when I took a break from this forum after blowing up over some stuff that I was just already on edge about (had tough things going on in life at the time.) When I returned, it was with the resolve to keep those strong feelings out of my interaction here.
There are likely times when others read more intense tone into my posts than what is really being felt by me, I do sometimes use hyperbole to make points. But these days it would be pretty safe for anyone to assume that I'm not backing my posts with any big feels. I'm just trying to have a conversation...hoping to be understood.
But if I were gonna make some kind of a New Year's resolution it might be to strive for brevity, that seems to be my biggest weak spot. I won't do that though, I know myself too well...
EDIT: Another thing I'd give as advice to anyone who wants to work on civility in the forums, is to learn to recognize BAIT. Sometimes someone is trying to deliberately bait you into a reaction that will get you in trouble. Sometimes someone makes a reference to you that may look like bait whether they mean it to be or not. But if you feel like you're seeing a worm on a hook, pause before you reply to it... Those are risky situations, with potential for infractions. And sometimes you "win" I think, intellectually, by seeing it, recognizing it, and leaving that bait right where it sits, untouched.
Yes, there is a lot of baiting that goes on, as though it is a spectator sport for their "entertainment." All it does is reveal their less than savory character.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyLark2019
Some people thrive off of any kind of attention, whether it be positive or negative attention.
If you are finding it hard to control your online behaviors, isn't that a strong message that you should probably log off and try to get your human contact needs met another way?
I think he's making the issues of other people on here, his own. Being here is, in part, a lesson in how to deal with difficult people who bait.
I think he's making the issues of other people on here, his own.
Yep. Unless the OP has personal ties to people here (and by that I mean, they have made that fact known to you or you all registered together or something), I would take very little said here personally.
I didn't see or participate in every one of this poster's threads or posts, but I did see that there was a tendency to second guess one's self. As some others here have indicated, they keep most personal issues and problems to themselves rather than sharing them here or elsewhere on the internet - especially the more difficult ones.
As I have written on here in the past, in the distant past when there had been a lot of trauma and chaos in my life I engaged in second guessing myself and asking people constantly what to do. That type of mentality and behavior dissipated as I healed from trauma and became stronger. I wish this person strength and clarity.
On-line forums allow me to discuss political/hot button topics which would likely start an argument with my family and neighbors. (My family is too far left for me and my neighbors too far to the right.)
While on-line I keep my comments civil and hope for the same in return.
I think a decision to not argue online (or with friends/family in-person) over what amounts to trivial nonsense and personal opinion isn’t about rudeness; it’s a matter of psychological health (and being confident/secure in one’s self to know that it doesn’t mean a thing, at the end of the day, if someone disagrees). That said, many folks will acknowledge everyone is entitled to their own opinion; however, their behavior clearly demonstrates otherwise.
On the other hand, if it’s relative to an important or defining personal issue, simply recognize they (probably) don’t belong in your life anyway; life is too short. Why continually argue? Rather, establish personal relationships with people who you enjoy being around (and respect) i.e. you agree on the bigger issues, overall; then it’s much easier to keep any interaction online (with strangers or folks you think you know) in perspective.
I think he's making the issues of other people on here, his own. Being here is, in part, a lesson in how to deal with difficult people who bait.
Learning the art of debate is pretty tough these days. It's more of "attacking the issue".
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