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Old 06-11-2023, 03:11 PM
 
Location: equator
10,999 posts, read 6,523,961 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
SM tends to be competitive. Look at me, look at my beautiful vacation, look at my genius child, look at my expensive furniture.
There was a reputable video recently on the increasing mass tourism in the national parks. The huge increase was put down to (largely) taking selfies for social media. "Look where I've been!" "Me and my beautiful family here at the Rim of the Grand Canyon" or wherever. Yes, it's a competition.

That hadn't occurred to me. Curating the perfect life, I guess.
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Old 06-12-2023, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,201 posts, read 14,425,887 times
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I think that people look for different things on social media...and often find them. I'm not on TikTok, but I am vaguely aware of what it is...and apparently it's pretty good at figuring out what videos are of interest to any given viewer. It's got a high functioning algorithm for that, I guess? And some old politician guy was saying that all he saw on TikTok was young teens dancing in provocative sexual ways...and a comment someone made was, "that says more about you, than it does about them, dude." Well. I don't know, but it makes ya wonder?

I can say what I've said before...I am on Facebook, but not much of the others. No Instagram or Pinterest or Twitter or TikTok or any of those. I've got a Nextdoor but don't much use it. I am generally able to see a lot of what I want to see on Facebook, which is funny stuff, cat videos, and lately loads of interesting videos of people making art because I have liked and/or followed the pages of a bunch of artists. I like to watch artists make art, so hey...I'm getting what I want there. Despite having over 500 "friends"...some of whom really are friends, but most of whom are acquaintances if that... I don't look to Facebook for the kind of engagement I expect out of a real friendship. Social media has helped me satisfy the kind of vague and trivial curiosity that one gets about someone you grew up with and lost touch with, but whose name you managed to recall...like, "wonder what kind of person they are now, how they are doing?" The sort of thing most might go to high school reunions for. I live far away from the schools I went to and have not gone to any, so hey.../shrug...it's something.

The only thing that I guess bothers me, is when I see a number of friends post GoFundMe's for things they should be able to afford with a regular job, but struggle to. I get a sense that a lot of folks are having a hard time, and that bums me out a little. Not a lot, though. And the few people whose posting habits have been annoying in some kind of a way, I've simply hidden or unfriended over the years. I'm not there to be annoyed, but it's pretty easy to use the tools available there to dodge the annoyance.
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Old 06-12-2023, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,624 posts, read 34,077,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I think that people look for different things on social media...and often find them. I'm not on TikTok, but I am vaguely aware of what it is...and apparently it's pretty good at figuring out what videos are of interest to any given viewer. It's got a high functioning algorithm for that, I guess? And some old politician guy was saying that all he saw on TikTok was young teens dancing in provocative sexual ways...and a comment someone made was, "that says more about you, than it does about them, dude." Well. I don't know, but it makes ya wonder?
I can see how that's kind of true. I'm on Instagram, but most of what I follow is cooking and restaurants, foster animals, artists, local news and humor accounts, etc. So when people say that Instagram is full of sexy thirst trap pictures or stupid teens or whatever, that's not what the algorithm ever shows me, since I've shown zero interest in that.
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Old 06-12-2023, 02:57 PM
 
5,562 posts, read 2,999,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kgordeeva View Post
Honestly, I never understood people who want to air out their dirty laundry on social media. Yes, everyone has problems and not everything is perfect all the time, but why do people want others to know about their private business? I would only share my problems with people I really trust in person. I guess I'm more of a private person. I sometimes think that people who always talk about their issues on social media are just looking for attention..
I feel the same way. Really, the only social media I use is Facebook, unless we count forums (and thus City Data) as social media.

Personally, I don't know why anyone would expect for me to air my dirty laundry, and yes...I'm going to share happy, sunshine, life is good kind of stuff.

And I will be happy for my friends that have fabulous vacations, and go amazing places, tell me about their amazing kids, etc. I will be happy for them.

If something tragic happens...say...a loved one dies...I will probably share, because I will probably want support and sympathy from my friends...and I would do the same for them.
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Old 06-12-2023, 03:35 PM
 
19,360 posts, read 12,012,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
There's nothing toxic about being positive. People just have different ways of dealing with tough situations.
When it is used as a control mechanism or to deny truth, it most certainly can be toxic.
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Old 06-12-2023, 04:21 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
8,433 posts, read 3,695,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
When it is used as a control mechanism or to deny truth, it most certainly can be toxic.
As can an ‘in-your-face’ negativity.
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Old 06-12-2023, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,201 posts, read 14,425,887 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB View Post
I feel the same way. Really, the only social media I use is Facebook, unless we count forums (and thus City Data) as social media.

Personally, I don't know why anyone would expect for me to air my dirty laundry, and yes...I'm going to share happy, sunshine, life is good kind of stuff.

And I will be happy for my friends that have fabulous vacations, and go amazing places, tell me about their amazing kids, etc. I will be happy for them.

If something tragic happens...say...a loved one dies...I will probably share, because I will probably want support and sympathy from my friends...and I would do the same for them.
I agree.

I have two friends who travel the world. They have no fixed residence. And they share a lot about their travels, and it usually looks like they are having an amazing time! Though they do also share if they have a particularly challenging day, which happens now and then...but it is mostly positive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
When it is used as a control mechanism or to deny truth, it most certainly can be toxic.
I have a hard time understanding this, I guess.

I don't get how another person controls me. I mean...let's say I had a romantic partner who was very positive all the time and they one day told me that my negative attitude was not something they wanted in their life. I would say they have the right to make that determination and if they need to leave for their own wellbeing, then they should.

They don't get to tell me how to be. No one does.

Same if someone felt that my generally positive outlook on life was making them feel something they did not like, or they didn't find it...what...realistic enough? I don't even know... I mean...no one is making anyone stay around me for any reason. Once we reach adulthood, our relationships are not obligatory in my opinion, or at least they should not be. Sometimes we decide we have more compelling reasons to stay than to go in some kind of a situation where we know we should go for our own wellbeing, but... When it comes to social media stuff, I don't see how anyone is being abusive to me in some sort of a way by sharing pictures of themselves being happy.

You don't have to like everyone; not everyone has to like you. If someone consistently posts something you don't want to see, you can generally hide, block, unfriend, unfollow. Why not do that? How is what another person shares on social media any kind of manipulation or control?

I did once have a friend who would constantly post selfies with words like, "I'm so ugly" posted on them, and she was beautiful and a bunch of her friends would pile on to say "no, you're gorgeous" and whatever. I got tired of this, it seemed like a silly game...but rather than telling her she shouldn't do it, I just unfollowed her, hid her posts. It did not rise to a level of "controlling"...merely a little annoying.

I WANT to see my friends' vacation photos.
Pet photos.
Pictures of their cute kids, even though I don't especially like other people's kids that much!
Food they had, that they found amazing or that fed their family.
That new outfit they just got, those cute new shoes that made them happy.

Heck yes I want to see that. If it brought my friend happiness, you bet I want to see it. I'm here for that all day. How is it toxic when someone you care about is happy? And why would they be obligated to give equal time to every moment when they are not? Some people have been bullied in their lives, and are not in fact obligated to share vulnerable moments, dirty laundry, or things that don't make them feel good. It's their life, and their social media, they can choose.
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Old 06-12-2023, 04:51 PM
 
19,360 posts, read 12,012,138 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
As can an ‘in-your-face’ negativity.
Balance is always a good thing. Extremism can get quickly irritating.

The point is some people cannot handle ANYTHING that isn't rainbows and sunshine (THEIR reality) they will ignore you or deny or even straight up lie to get you to drop it or change the story.

It is gaslighting. My MIL was like this I know it first hand. She would make things up to deny FACTS because she didn't like the facts. One was regarding a law, a clear statute on the books, she made a face shook her head and said it isn't true.

This is frequent among chronically positive magical thinking types, they "think" something should be a certain way, you tell them it is not, they won't hear it, and don't want to be wrong because it pains them. They can't handle the truth.

Magical thinking is false thinking and it's toxic.
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Old 06-13-2023, 01:05 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,319,523 times
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At this point I think everyone knows that social media is usually curated to create a good impression. It's tough to knock that, I think. Who wants to use the technology to look bad?

So the useful balance isn't on the person posting content, but on the person viewing it. If viewing a person's FB or IG bugs you, along with pondering why it bothers you at all, remember that it isn't their reality but a brief look at an aspect of their reality. And one chosen for effect. It may even be partly or entirely fabricated, though that's more likely done by some overzealous people who are drumming up views as an influencer. The point is that you can think critically about what you're viewing.

So it's a "buyer beware" kind of thing.
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Old 06-13-2023, 01:38 PM
bu2
 
23,841 posts, read 14,619,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
When it is used as a control mechanism or to deny truth, it most certainly can be toxic.
How are they controlling you?

And some people cope by being Scarlett O'Hara. "Tomorrow is another day!" Not my style, but if it works for them, its certainly not toxic.
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