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Old 10-03-2023, 11:37 AM
 
Location: So Cal
19,199 posts, read 15,058,703 times
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It's always funny to read responses in threads like this where so many people go through the same thing. Seems like we all finally, somewhat at least, figure out "who we are" and how we react to things, and observe how we've changed, grown, and learned through life experiences and just time in general. It's interesting. It also helps to know we're not the only one experiencing these things.
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Old 10-03-2023, 12:34 PM
 
686 posts, read 362,646 times
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knowing when to give a crap is a learned skill. I am still learning.
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Old 10-03-2023, 02:33 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
8,422 posts, read 3,680,958 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I've had a semi-stressful job for 30 plus yrs. I've stressed out so much, lost so much sleep. I've been miserable to some degree off and on most of that time. I've literally wasted a lot of my life I realize. I'm mid 50s now and looking back at it makes me pissed off to some degree thinking about it.
You need to think about problem-solving (as opposed to being angry over that which is in the past). That said, you can move forward in a healthier way by addressing your anxiety, worry and/or sleep disturbances. Rather than thinking you can eliminate stress, it’s a matter of managing it (and finding balance outside of work as well).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I also look back at some of the projects over the years and think it just didn't matter, not really. Wasn't curing cancer or saving sick babies. It really didn't mean diddly crap at the end of the day. It was just meeting some bull crap deadline at the end of the day.
If we all measured our lives relative to curing cancer or saving sick babies, the vast majority of us would be wallowing in meaningless lives and depression. As such, this is a problem with your thinking/health, particularly relative to a psychology forum; it is less so about a job, in and of itself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I've changed jobs now and my stress is a third of what it was, maybe even less. That said, I've been feeling like I'm getting more anxiety and stress lately.
Wherever you go, there you are.

Keep in mind less stressful jobs are less challenging and rewarding as well, at least for most; I’d much rather manage some stress (as no life is stress-free anyway) than be bored. You’d be surprised how much exercise can improve your mental (and physical) health; many companies offer wellness programs/fitness pass reimbursements (or even on-site gyms). If not, it’s worth checking into on your own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
My point is is looking back at my past sleepless nights and I realize, late in life, you just have to know when to give a crap, and know when to not give as much of a crap.
I think it’s healthy to ‘give a crap’ about one’s life vs. allowing stress or worry to take it over; it’s really no different than taking care of one’s self physically. By not getting it under control, the only person you’re hurting is yourself.

Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 10-03-2023 at 02:51 PM.. Reason: added quote/response
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Old 10-03-2023, 06:11 PM
Status: "Mistress of finance and foods." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
49,921 posts, read 63,203,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind View Post
I was the same way when I was younger. It was debilitating, trying to please everyone in order to not be disliked. Huge waste of energy and fuel for ongoing social anxiety.

Now I honestly don't give a crap. I'm a small business owner serving the public in a small town, which puts me in a different position of reputation than the average person. No doubt I've pissed some people off, causing them to spread negative comments about their experience with me and my business. There was a time in my life where just the thought of this would've paralyzed me. Now I don't care because I know it's impossible to please everybody, and I have zero interest in trying to fake it to reach that impossible goal.
That pretty much sums it up for me too.
At my age, I’ve been formed, I’m comfortable with my opinions and I don’t plan on changing them much in the future. Take it, or leave it.
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Old 10-04-2023, 02:33 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,316,527 times
Reputation: 12295
Quote:
Originally Posted by heavymind View Post
I was the same way when I was younger. It was debilitating, trying to please everyone in order to not be disliked. Huge waste of energy and fuel for ongoing social anxiety.

Now I honestly don't give a crap. I'm a small business owner serving the public in a small town, which puts me in a different position of reputation than the average person. No doubt I've pissed some people off, causing them to spread negative comments about their experience with me and my business. There was a time in my life where just the thought of this would've paralyzed me. Now I don't care because I know it's impossible to please everybody, and I have zero interest in trying to fake it to reach that impossible goal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
That pretty much sums it up for me too.
At my age, I’ve been formed, I’m comfortable with my opinions and I don’t plan on changing them much in the future. Take it, or leave it.
Hang in there Chow. You're in a season of life where things happen that give us pause, and a season of life where you have the sense to question all the "well that's just how it is" fake wisdom that seemed so real in our 20s, 30s, and 40s. You're doing OK.

The quotes remind me of something I call my "sick rules". When I'm sick, my priorities change. I just can't be bothered to care about a lot of stuff, especially the stuff I had no real business caring about when I felt well.

I'm talking about the level of sick where you can function, minimally, but you can't do your normal routine. It gave me a kind of freedom to attend only to what really mattered, and left me clear headed enough to identify the BS I could let go. It was such sweet relief.

Even when I'm well, I'm sick more the past 10 tears. I'm goin to retire in 3-4 years, and I plan to be sick all of the last two or so. I know who will succeed me and I'll want her to take on more responsibility as my end date gets closer and she knows about my upcoming "illness", so I think it will work.

I kind of feel something coming on in about 18 months
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Old 10-04-2023, 04:18 PM
 
10,950 posts, read 6,652,945 times
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You're reminding me that I've occasionally had a job (I'm retired now) where I'll get phone calls at home with some crisis or crises in the office, even when I'm genuinely sick. I used to answer those calls but I stopped. Let them figure it out. That's what I had to do!
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Old 10-05-2023, 09:32 AM
 
1,081 posts, read 559,374 times
Reputation: 1808
I can relate to this. I once had a horrible job where we had an impossible amount of work every single day, not enough people to do it (due to constant layoffs), and all kinds of disruptions every day (machines going down, etc.), and yet management met every morning so the big boss could berate them for everything that wasn't getting done, and they'd pass along the grief to us.

I was once griping to friends about everything that needed to get done and my friend's wife told me, "You care too much." I think she was right, but not in the way she intended it. I did care a lot -- not about whether the work got done or even if the company stayed in business -- but rather about how badly I'd be talked down to each day if I wasn't successful. I cared about whether I could go to bed at night knowing that I might actually get things done the next day so they wouldn't give me hell.

I eventually left that job, but it took a long time to get out. As miserable as I was, I also had no idea how to look for work and that slowed me down. Fear of the unknown, lack of confidence in myself, and daily exhaustion made the process take much longer than it could have but I got out in the end.

You can too. And you should. Life's too short to be unhappy so much of the time.
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Old 10-05-2023, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Vancouver
5,010 posts, read 566,200 times
Reputation: 2657
Have you noticed that the older you get the less you give a crap about?

Don’t get me wrong – I care a lot about my well-being (and my hair ) about my home, and my pets.

I can deal with anything (if my hair looks good )
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Old 10-05-2023, 02:30 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,811 posts, read 52,190,789 times
Reputation: 52268
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
Hang in there Chow. You're in a season of life where things happen that give us pause, and a season of life where you have the sense to question all the "well that's just how it is" fake wisdom that seemed so real in our 20s, 30s, and 40s. You're doing OK.

The quotes remind me of something I call my "sick rules". When I'm sick, my priorities change. I just can't be bothered to care about a lot of stuff, especially the stuff I had no real business caring about when I felt well.

I'm talking about the level of sick where you can function, minimally, but you can't do your normal routine. It gave me a kind of freedom to attend only to what really mattered, and left me clear headed enough to identify the BS I could let go. It was such sweet relief.

Even when I'm well, I'm sick more the past 10 tears. I'm goin to retire in 3-4 years, and I plan to be sick all of the last two or so. I know who will succeed me and I'll want her to take on more responsibility as my end date gets closer and she knows about my upcoming "illness", so I think it will work.

I kind of feel something coming on in about 18 months
Thanks.

I really don't feel that bad overall, my original post was just sort of a often had, yet fleeting at times reaffirmation that you just have to stand back sometimes and figure out when to get concerned and when to let things roll.

Been some pretty good posts in this thread, really kind of refreshing how much it was just a convo, seems like other subforums it's all just knives out and snark all the way.

It took me many years in life to realize that I even really had some forms of anxiety or depression at times. I just thought it was "normal" to be stressed because that's just how life is. You can't escape stress completely in life, but I think trying to have some perspective can help a bit.

I think a lot of it ties into the idea of "controlling" everything and when you can't control things stress is a byproduct of it, I would imagine. Learning to deal with the things that you can control and try to figure out ways to deal with things that you can't control.
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Old 10-09-2023, 12:07 AM
 
6,372 posts, read 3,841,423 times
Reputation: 17000
Quote:
Originally Posted by pathrunner View Post
You're reminding me that I've occasionally had a job (I'm retired now) where I'll get phone calls at home with some crisis or crises in the office, even when I'm genuinely sick. I used to answer those calls but I stopped. Let them figure it out. That's what I had to do!
I know, right? I used to be in a relationship with a workaholic. At one point he was manager at a store. People would be calling him when he was off because they couldn't figure out how to set the alarm and stuff like that. They called him because other managers wouldn't answer the phone (even the ones who were supposed to be on call).

The time that took the cake was when he was called to go in for something stupid (I can't remember if someone called off and no one else would answer the phone or refused to go in, or something dumb like that). He was literally puking sick. He went. I couldn't believe it (of course, I also couldn't believe they kept trying to convince him to go in when he told them he had been throwing up). When he got home I asked him if he at least puked all over the office. Maybe I have a bad work ethic but if that was me... no way (I might try to power through at work if not feeling well, but I draw the line at throwing up-- once that happens, I'm done. Not like I can accomplish much if I'm constantly running for the bathroom, anyway, and nobody else wants to be anywhere near if I don't make it).
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