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Old 10-09-2023, 04:45 AM
 
4,086 posts, read 2,378,883 times
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What I found in myself and others my age is that many of us brought the same personality which caused us stress in work into our final last years. Thus, the focus should be on how to deal with those personality traits which cause stress. An example is a very good friend. An obsessive perfectionist, it made him good at his job which required attention to minutia. Now retired, he brings the same attention to other parts of his life, from house cleaning to looking for absolute perfection in his retirement plan.

Some people are able to "compartmentalize" their lives, perhaps it's a matter of training their brain, perhaps its how they are "wired." Other times it is just a matter of accepting our personality and learning to accept, manage and change it a step at a time.
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Old 10-09-2023, 09:46 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
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Quote:
Originally Posted by webster View Post
Thus, the focus should be on how to deal with those personality traits which cause stress. An example is a very good friend. An obsessive perfectionist, it made him good at his job which required attention to minutia. Now retired, he brings the same attention to other parts of his life, from house cleaning to looking for absolute perfection in his retirement plan.

Some people are able to "compartmentalize" their lives, perhaps it's a matter of training their brain, perhaps its how they are "wired."
I don’t think it’s a matter of ‘compartmentalizing’ (or not ‘giving a crap’, per the thread) as that can be an unhealthy way to deal with difficult emotions, stress or conflict, as is perfectionism (or anxiety); to the contrary, it’s indicative of a potential problem, as opposed to ‘a personality trait that causes stress’.
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Old 10-11-2023, 05:41 AM
 
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While not caring sounds simple enough, I think that it is something that cannot be an act. Instead, it should probably be deliberate with reasoning behind it. Our family could have bought a bigger house, have newer cars, etc., but I decided not to in order to remove the stress of needing to make more money. Nonetheless, my professional career has only developed more even without the motivation to make more money or the need to do something important.

Outside of my career, I do think that those who cure cancer and save babies probably have their moments about why things are the way they are, and why their hands are often tied behind their backs. In addition, they also need services that the rest of us provide, so the rest of us do provide desired services.

But to really avoid wasting time on unimportant matters, which sounds like your main concern, I keep in mind that everything is done for a reason. Sometimes, people want that reason to be known. Other times, they don't. But what really matters is that for everything I do, I have to have a reason. When people care about each other, they either trust our judgment or they at least want to understand our perspective. Then maybe change can happen for the better.

When people don't care, and they are in charge, then all I can do is provide a reason for everything I have done. That is what caused my personal and professional skills to grow.
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Old 10-14-2023, 10:58 AM
 
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Happiness is a day to day thing. Keeping a journal is a big help, that way, if you see that you're going over the same issues over and over, there's a problem. It's important to be looking at all the available options is necessary. But again, it's best to ck in w/ yourself daily in a journal, it will give you a lot of insight as to whether we're actually doing the right things or just kicking the can down the road.

In the end, life is about knowing what we want, and what we're willing to sacrifice to get it.
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Old 10-20-2023, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Seattle
5,117 posts, read 2,129,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
I've had a semi-stressful job for 30 plus yrs. I've stressed out so much, lost so much sleep. I've been miserable to some degree off and on most of that time. I've literally wasted a lot of my life I realize. I'm mid 50s now and looking back at it makes me pissed off to some degree thinking about it.

I also look back at some of the projects over the years and think it just didn't matter, not really. Wasn't curing cancer or saving sick babies. It really didn't mean diddly crap at the end of the day. It was just meeting some bull crap deadline at the end of the day.

I've changed jobs now and my stress is a third of what it was, maybe even less. That said, I've been feeling like I'm getting more anxiety and stress lately. I don't want to go back to feeling that way. I know most of this is probably my personality type, others can let things roll off their backs better. I just want to do a good job and so many things are out of my direct control in some ways.

My point is is looking back at my past sleepless nights and I realize, late in life, you just have to know when to give a crap, and know when to not give as much of a crap.

One of the things I'd tell my non-existent kids. Do your due diligence, but for the love of god, please, please keep things in perspective.
I’m in my early 60s now and I too have experienced stress in my job in the finance industry. Maybe it’s an age thing but the closer I get to retirement the more I realize that source of my stress “is just work” and there is so much more to life than work.

I started traveling in my 40s. One thing that I learned from traveling the world is most countries work to live instead of living to work like we do in the States. It’s changed my mindset. So try to put work on the back burner a bit. Ya it’s still there but I’m no longer a slave to my job.

Another great tip is to meditate for 10-15 minutes every night right before bed. Check out Youtube vids by Boho Beautiful. She does yoga vids and meditation. She’s amazing. Just something about her voice that melts away stress!

So much of these issues can be changed by a subtle change in priorities! BTW, I’ve always enjoyed your posts CH.
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Old 10-21-2023, 10:30 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,811 posts, read 52,190,789 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pete98146 View Post
I’m in my early 60s now and I too have experienced stress in my job in the finance industry. Maybe it’s an age thing but the closer I get to retirement the more I realize that source of my stress “is just work” and there is so much more to life than work.

I started traveling in my 40s. One thing that I learned from traveling the world is most countries work to live instead of living to work like we do in the States. It’s changed my mindset. So try to put work on the back burner a bit. Ya it’s still there but I’m no longer a slave to my job.

Another great tip is to meditate for 10-15 minutes every night right before bed. Check out Youtube vids by Boho Beautiful. She does yoga vids and meditation. She’s amazing. Just something about her voice that melts away stress!

So much of these issues can be changed by a subtle change in priorities! BTW, I’ve always enjoyed your posts CH.
It is just work at the end of the day.

You and others have said some good things.

I'm always going to be a bit of a stress queen. I think it's just how I'm wired I think.

Your posts are great. I think you are a thinker and from me that's a high compliment.

Best,

Last edited by Chowhound; 10-21-2023 at 10:40 PM..
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Old 10-24-2023, 11:47 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,667 posts, read 19,777,764 times
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I stress about everything except work. I close my laptop and forget about it until the next day. I have run into coworkers at the store and could not remember their names because once I am off work, it is erased from my mind until the next day.

I recommend to you to do something that relaxes you, right after work. Destress. Come home and walk the dog for at least half an hour. Or go bicycling. Go to the gym and put on headphones and be in your own world. Meditate. Something that takes your mind off things. Read a book. Something you enjoy. Every time you start thinking of work, consciously block that thought and think of something relaxing instead.

A lot of people in the US live to work. It is a cultural thing. You need to learn to enjoy your time off. Don't go home at night and then stress about things at home, exchanging one stress factor for another. You need a break to recharge. Give your mind time to recover.
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Old 10-30-2023, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Seattle
5,117 posts, read 2,129,440 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
It is just work at the end of the day.

You and others have said some good things.

I'm always going to be a bit of a stress queen. I think it's just how I'm wired I think.

Your posts are great. I think you are a thinker and from me that's a high compliment.

Best,
Thank you!
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