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Old 10-23-2023, 11:53 PM
21,873 posts, read 19,025,888 times
Reputation: 17992


he needs to go. he needs to leave.

can you tell him that you've been told no more roommates , or you will lose your house, so he has to leave.

your health is suffering. your health is more important than him.
just tell him there has been a change in agencies, the rules have changed, the agency has changed and he has to leave because of this. they are cracking down no more boarders. let the agency be the bad guy.
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Old 10-24-2023, 09:49 AM
Status: ""Let my people think"" (set 22 days ago)
1,383 posts, read 743,332 times
Reputation: 4057
I just kind of took a few minutes to go over your post.

Get rid of Stanley.

No charge.
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Old 10-24-2023, 09:56 AM
Location: Knoxville, TN
2,518 posts, read 1,867,347 times
Reputation: 6371
Can you try to move to another housing location? Tell Stanley you are moving into one-bedroom housing and will no longer have room for him. I think it will be easier to leave him behind than to try to get rid of him in your current space.
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Old 10-24-2023, 11:12 AM
377 posts, read 147,481 times
Reputation: 797
Step 1: Get rid of this irrational guilt.
Step 2: Say goodbye to Stanley.

You wrote: “I simply won't be able to live with myself if I put him out on the street… ” “…stuck between a rock and a hard place. Kick him out and deal with that guilt to the end of my days…. “

This feeling of guilt is irrational. With normal feelings of guilt, there is a reason for those feelings, because a person did something wrong. That’s not what’s happening here. You did nothing wrong.

Since you are a compassionate person, here’s a trick to help you see things more objectively. Let’s say you have a good friend named Jane. Imagine this same scenario is happening to Jane. See it in your mind like a movie, cockroaches and all. Jane comes to you for advice. Now, what would your advice be to her?

You have done your best. Stanley has broken the agreement of this being a temporary situation. Stanley has broken the unspoken agreement that he should give you the same respect and consideration that you have given him.

“My animals are my only consolation.”

Your dog and cat depend on you. And you are killing yourself.
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Old 10-24-2023, 11:27 AM
6,847 posts, read 4,327,950 times
Reputation: 22409
Don’t care about a person that disrespects and is using you more than you care about yourself!! Stress is a killer.
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Old 10-24-2023, 12:48 PM
Location: Oklahoma
6,809 posts, read 6,894,588 times
Reputation: 20953
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I’m wondering if you took off his door, threw the video games in the trash, cleaned out his room weekly- throwing out anything except his clothes, and gave his dog to the pound, if he would feel like it’s time to move on?

You have waited way too long to act on this.
Why should the dog suffer because of his deadbeat owner?
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Old 10-24-2023, 01:30 PM
Location: Southeast
1,409 posts, read 633,782 times
Reputation: 4157
Originally Posted by aquietpath View Post
Why should the dog suffer because of his deadbeat owner?

I'm all for helping the dog, but he needs to take the dog with him. It's not her animal to do anything with.
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Old 10-24-2023, 02:38 PM
23,523 posts, read 69,925,450 times
Reputation: 48893
Hold on to your hat, I am about to destroy the fantasy frame that you have built around this situation, and re-frame it in a way that forces a re-examination.

I am sorry Stanley has put up with you.

What??? Am I blaming a victim??? Am I just being mean? Neither. Stanley went from being independent and his own master of his destiny to living in a single room, wasting his life away with your help.

How was he able to accomplish this feat of self-immolation of any spirit he had? By not having to deal with reality in any meaningful way. If he needed to hit rock bottom to get things in order, you have stymied that. If he has a medical condition where he needs the support of agencies, he needs to make those moves. You are not his guardian.

I am not going to feed any pity party. You too are a grown adult. Your lack of action to resolve your source of anger is your responsibility and yours alone. You cannot blame Stanley for your inability to stand up for yourself. You cannot ethically divert the energy of the situation into an "ain't it awful" where you get a DISABLING support from others by pushing the outrage onto Stanley.

It ain't awful. It is what you yourself have allowed through inaction. Stanley is in effect your human "pet" that you have now grown weary of. I know you got into the mess from an excess of compassion that got misplaced and perhaps abused. That is the past. This is now. Put on your big girl panties and change the situation.

I know exactly how I would handle the "breakup," but the way you do it has to come from within you and your own inner process and resolve. Venting and getting advice from others are not taking action, but distractions from meaningful addressing of the situation that only delay it. What you do is your choice. What you do not do is your choice.
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Old 10-24-2023, 03:32 PM
12,600 posts, read 8,824,665 times
Reputation: 34435
You know the answer. You said it in your first post. If you are going to see a therapist, then it's better to see the therapist about misplaced guilt than to keep dealing with the situation you are in now. Let him feel guilty about his own life; he doesn't need you to feel guilty for him.
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Old 10-24-2023, 03:33 PM
Location: Kountze, Texas
2,294 posts, read 591,134 times
Reputation: 2057
Best of luck to you -

I feel that you should talk to Jim if he is still there and tell him what has happened the last 5 years. Or if Jim isn't there get a hold of the agency that allowed this and explain about the marijuana, mice, and cockroaches.
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