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Old 11-08-2023, 07:11 PM
Location: minnesota
15,795 posts, read 6,208,803 times
Reputation: 5033


Originally Posted by considerforamoment View Post
I hate that book, but many people swear by it.
I thought it was really helpful. I also had online support. The healed codies would just say "stop projecting your empathy" and "why aren't you protecting yourself?" when I would talk about the rage 8 track. It's really hard to understand users from a codie perspective. It just doesn't compute.
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Old 11-14-2023, 01:05 PM
2,525 posts, read 2,637,582 times
Reputation: 1841
The Melody Beattie book is well written. I am not a fan of many leadership type books, but I do have to give this one more props than many others.

Sounds like you need to move out yourself asap somehow.
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Old 11-15-2023, 06:43 AM
19,378 posts, read 12,023,592 times
Reputation: 26100
Haven't heard from OP in a few weeks. I hope everything is ok.
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Old 11-15-2023, 08:50 AM
1,703 posts, read 1,083,075 times
Reputation: 3871
Late to the discussion, but a sherriff or social worker might be able to help here.

Side note- this is why a lot of landlords won't let their tenants just move in a random transient. Everything goes bad and the landlord gets the bill for cleaning up the mess.
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Old 11-16-2023, 08:11 AM
10,950 posts, read 6,687,560 times
Reputation: 17878
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
OP, I don't quite understand how the housing authority governing your rental situation has allowed this to go on for so long. Maybe its policies are different than housing authorities in other states, but those that I know of do not allow residents to have long-term guests, and especially renters. In any case, you could have used "housing authority rules" as an excuse to evict him earlier on, but at this point it's pretty clear to Stanley that there's no official objection to the arrangement.

Although actually, if the manager knew you're now charging rent, there could be, except you, also, could be evicted for violating the rule against using your voucher to have a renter. Please check the terms of your occupancy, if you haven't already.
This. OP you need to get the housing authority involved. Put it on them. Unfortunately this is kind of a "tough love' situation and you must not give in to the guilt feelings. You gave him an initial respite and he's abused it.

I'm not in favor of therapy "to help you deal with him still being there" until after he's out. You can deal with any feelings once he's gone and the room (your entire place?) is cleaned.

About 10 years ago I had a friend who went through this. She had to get a formal eviction going. It took a while to get the person out, but he finally left. It was the same situation, low or no income, drinking, sitting around, no motivation, strange avoidant behavior. Once again, a kind-hearted person got taken advantage of.
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Old 11-16-2023, 02:45 PM
700 posts, read 368,328 times
Reputation: 1724
I recommend exercising. For me I used to love fighting when I was younger. Obviously, I cant win them all, eventually I learned to burn/put my energy in something more productive and safer.
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