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Old 10-25-2023, 04:43 PM
 
811 posts, read 424,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
I think we're seeing one of the results of people living their lives online instead of interacting, even at low levels, with real people in person in social settings.



Say someone with 44,000 posts , speaking of someone living their life online are you kidding me, talking to someone with 700 posts.
No mate , if anything l couldn't care less about on line and the bs out there, l have plenty of RL goin on.
This is just about stuff l've noticed a lot of that's all, just thought l'd talk about it.
lsn't that what forums are for.
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Old 10-25-2023, 04:55 PM
 
811 posts, read 424,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
I take eye contact as signaling possible openness (or not) for further interaction. It is acknowledgement. But I also understand that people just...look at one another.

But the trick of that is that if you have no intention of interaction with someone, as soon as you see them looking back at you or appearing to notice your gaze, you refocus your eyes elsewhere. That's non-verbal for, "Oh, no, I was not trying to stare or engage with you in any way. I'm minding my own business. No worries!"

I grew up in areas where if certain people around me noticed that I was looking at them, they might respond with hostility, violence, or even sexual assault. I learned to be very aware and conscious of my eye contact. For a time, my Mom had a boyfriend whose rowdy drinking buddies were a constant menace around our house and if they caught me so much as glancing at any of them, they'd come after me thinking I wanted sex. Men in their 20s and 30s when I was a teenager. I learned after the first one, to keep my eyes on the floor any time they were around.

Later on as a young adult, for a while I had to ride the bus to and from work. There were tons of really crazy people on the bus. I learned to wear a ballcap and while very discreetly being aware of where others were around me, keep the bill of the hat blocking the line of sight from my eyes and their face, so they would not be easily able to try and interact with me.

And I did get left alone.

Some of the best public speakers and singers and performers know to make just the right amount of eye contact with various people in the crowd.

When I was dating, I noticed that if I was on a date and felt comfortable and confident, I made more eye contact. Not making eye contact only meant that I was nervous...but that nervousness was sometimes an indicator that I was actually attracted. I can recall a few dates where I felt relaxed and confident but also had negative opinions of my date and I made eye contact with him but there was no second date. And others where I could not hold the guy's eye contact for long, but we wound up seeing each other for a while.

But I think that out in just...random public...not at bars or anywhere people go to try and hook up, just out in the world...the main reason I might get caught looking at a stranger is that they look familiar to me and once I notice that, it bugs me. I want to try and figure out if I know them or who they remind me of. Which I'm happy to explain if they notice enough to try and talk to me...but I'm not actually necessarily trying to start an interaction.

So yeah, it is a thing, it can mean stuff, just like with a whole lot of primates and other mammals on the planet.





Haaaa, at last. Someone that actually just notices some of the detail in life, and of a little of what l was on about, thanks.
Very interesting to and you see it's all these details you've talked about that to me are involved in any eye contact, or like they can end up that way and involved in it.
And like you often notice with women and very understandably too for example that they'd as you talk about, would have to be probably very careful about eye contact.
Me even as a 6'1 male l've still always found that even for me, eye contact is taken in all sorts of ways when as you say , it was usually nothing l was probably just glancing in their direction and it meant absolutely nothing.
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Old 10-25-2023, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,203 posts, read 14,430,848 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx View Post
Haaaa, at last. Someone that actually just notices some of the detail in life, and of a little of what l was on about, thanks.
Very interesting to and you see it's all these details you've talked about that to me are involved in any eye contact, or like they can end up that way and involved in it.
And like you often notice with women and very understandably too for example that they'd as you talk about, would have to be probably very careful about eye contact.
Me even as a 6'1 male l've still always found that even for me, eye contact is taken in all sorts of ways when as you say , it was usually nothing l was probably just glancing in their direction and it meant absolutely nothing.
I have accepted that something I've read here and there online may very well be true about me, which is that having grown up around unpredictable, sometimes abusive adults...and having to constantly read the energy around them to know if I might be in danger or what... I do tend to over-analyze people's nonverbal behavior. I notice a lot, consciously and subconsciously. It probably began as a survival strategy. But I do think it's served me well at times in adulthood.

But I also tend to assume the best and not the worst about other people these days, despite all of this and even what I said in my post. So if I do notice a stranger looking at me in public, I do tend to remind myself that hey...for all I know, I look like someone they used to know, or whatever. Probably doesn't mean anything much. I'm also fortunate enough to have a less perilous life now than I have in the past, which I'm sure makes a big difference.
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Old 10-25-2023, 06:20 PM
 
Location: On the Chesapeake
44,878 posts, read 59,858,372 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx View Post
Say someone with 44,000 posts , speaking of someone living their life online are you kidding me, talking to someone with 700 posts.
No mate , if anything l couldn't care less about on line and the bs out there, l have plenty of RL goin on.
This is just about stuff l've noticed a lot of that's all, just thought l'd talk about it.
lsn't that what forums are for.
The difference is that those posts have come over the course of over 15 years and, until recently, I was heavily involved in local affairs, meaning being in the public eye most of the time.

I will say, that since I'm on vacation in a fairly remote area of NWPA the last few days (no cell service but internet, as you can see) that it was nice to be able to go out to a restaurant and eat dinner without someone stopping by my table to complain or opine about something or other.

Now, about eye contact. In some cultures, American for one, it's an important part of non-verbal communication. In others eye contact by someone of a lower social status with a person on a higher one is considered disrespectful.
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Old 10-25-2023, 08:04 PM
 
Location: equator
10,999 posts, read 6,525,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
The difference is that those posts have come over the course of over 15 years and, until recently, I was heavily involved in local affairs, meaning being in the public eye most of the time.

I will say, that since I'm on vacation in a fairly remote area of NWPA the last few days (no cell service but internet, as you can see) that it was nice to be able to go out to a restaurant and eat dinner without someone stopping by my table to complain or opine about something or other.

Now, about eye contact. In some cultures, American for one, it's an important part of non-verbal communication. In others eye contact by someone of a lower social status with a person on a higher one is considered disrespectful.
Yeah, cultures are different in that respect. Where we retired in So. America, I'm not really sure about it. We only make eye contact with say, the cashier at the supermarket or a service person. No random people.

If I'm interested in someone, I make eye contact, otherwise I don't. Like not on the train, not walking past a sketchy person. These days, you never know what might set someone off. Always eye contact if you're talking to someone; it's important to show you're engaged.

What did I read about NOT making eye contact with certain animals....I can't recall but it was interesting. Like don't smile at certain animals; they interpret it as aggression---showing teeth.
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Old 10-25-2023, 11:35 PM
 
811 posts, read 424,439 times
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Yeah we don't have bears or cougars or that sort of dangerous stuff but l have read things about eye contact with animals like that.
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Old 10-26-2023, 12:08 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 6,013,286 times
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As far as I'm concerned, eye contact is overrated. I find it somewhat intrusive.

Normally, in short interactions, I look at the person but not into them & smile, while using somewhat scripted verbiage & I do just fine. If it's someone I'm very comfortable with, such as family, I think I have increased eye contact. But just the random public; no.

In the country where I was born (Japan), the level of eye contact that's considered polite in the US, is actually considered rude. So there's a cultural element.

I know that making eye contact with dogs can lead to their becoming aggressive. I wonder if that's why my autistic son is such a dog magnet, lol; owners of typically skittish or aggressive dogs are always surprised that their dogs just run up to him playfully.
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Old 10-26-2023, 12:48 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
8,434 posts, read 3,698,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx View Post
According to forums or pretty well anything internet, people are huge on eye contact - why, l have no damn idea ? lt's like they make some 24 7 constant effort to eye contact with anyone or dog on the street anywhere any time or some rubbish.
I don’t know what you’re reading in forums, but it’s not about a ‘24/7 constant effort’ to make eye contact with folks on the street. Rather, relative to psychology, I think you’re referring to the loosely-defined ‘50/70 rule’ to maintain eye contact while speaking (and listening) to someone.
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Old 10-26-2023, 11:00 AM
 
23,510 posts, read 69,899,087 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomx View Post
According to forums or pretty well anything internet, people are huge on eye contact - why, l have no damn idea ? lt's like they make some 24 7 constant effort to eye contact with anyone or dog on the street anywhere any time or some rubbish.
Yeah ok the ones trying to chat someone up or going on a date sure , l can understand it, well sort of. Although even the way most seem to talk about that to actually just sounds down right unnatural and forced to me.
Myself, l don't actually like too much eye contact. But there has always been something about my eyes or within actually though too, that people sense and pick up in an instant, and that gets on my nerves. They could even have their back to me l might just glance toward them they'd turn around look straight at me, l seem to put out some very strong vibe. Not in a bad way as such, people like me it's not that, many a time even just a glance though has almost been taken as an invitation to either chat or be followed about or none stop stares back in return by women or even men. Shyt like this has happened 1000s of time over the yrs so it's something l've always been very aware of.
l've observed other people out and about or friends too or anyone else in all sorts of situations and never see this sort of thing often they'd just about have to jump in front of someone to be noticed, lucky them l;d say.

l'm by no means shy or anything like that however l am a very private person and so l'm very selective too about whom l'd acknowledge or put out a bit of a smile to, out and about so let alone invite into my space,head, or chat too- if that makes sense.
lf l was to purposely make so called eye contact the way people seem to stress and stress all over the internet or forums though, it's as if l'd probably burn straight through someone's head anyway l'd say, so l'm damned if l get why so many people seem so obsessed about eye contact.

Thoughts ?
My thought is that you aren't looking for any answers or greater knowledge, but enjoying having a rant.
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Old 10-26-2023, 03:52 PM
 
1,817 posts, read 843,425 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
I don’t know what you’re reading in forums, but it’s not about a ‘24/7 constant effort’ to make eye contact with folks on the street. Rather, relative to psychology, I think you’re referring to the loosely-defined ‘50/70 rule’ to maintain eye contact while speaking (and listening) to someone.
This was the part of the point of my earlier post. The internet/forums just don't leap out at you with material to judge you. You have to be looking for things, or frequenting sites where these sorts of posts or articles exist.
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