Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-13-2023, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
The other thing you could do is come clean about some of the idiosyncrasies.

"Please sit down and relax. I get anxious when there are people in the kitchen when I'm cooking. I know it's weird, and it's not you guys, it's anyone. I guess I'm just getting eccentric in old age."
Good one! Thank you!

I would seriously prefer not to react & instead put a lid on it and let these little things go...it's so spontaneous...and after I react I think, "now why in the hell did you do that?" Like when I jumped when DIL went to stir the meat balls....and honestly I do get anxious when people are in the kitchen with me...and I don't know why that is?

But I have heard other women discuss this as well, and I have a very close girlfriend who is the same as me, she hates it when people help her in the kitchen, or when people hover there when she's trying to serve....she is a lot like me....I'm not saying its right....

but usually when they come in for dinner, I have it all ready to go, so my DIL cuts the bread, (they love my home made bread) and my son gets the drinks...and he will mock me by saying to me, "now I hope you aren't going to get in my way, in my kitchen while I'm doing this". LOL....

However, once I asked my DIL, "what time do you want me to come for dinner," and she said, 5:30 b/c I would prefer no one be there while I'm cooking. LOL, I don't believe she realizes....and she refuses to allow me to help her clean up...so, I don't get why they don't understand?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-13-2023, 12:55 PM
Status: ""Let my people think"" (set 22 days ago)
 
1,383 posts, read 743,332 times
Reputation: 4057
You're welcome Miss Brulee : D Nice to meet you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2023, 01:29 PM
 
Location: minnesota
15,794 posts, read 6,208,803 times
Reputation: 5033
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Thank you, and hello I’ve been on this forum for many years, and extremely outspoken for which I am not liked, also tend to go off subject. When someone writes something my mind seems to go on many directions
I’m an old school boomer and do not like the direction this country is going in or the way some parents raise their kids today and my grand daughter at 21 manages kids younger then herself plus my son is a police officer and of course they will occasionally vent on how kids act.

Anyway I am not liked and I know it and there are some who will jab at me any way they can, pssst I don’t care, anyway I’m getting pretty set in my ways and was concerned about it

Thank you kindly
If the choice is be right or be kind which would you choose?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2023, 04:26 PM
bu2
 
23,857 posts, read 14,640,066 times
Reputation: 12644
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I am not sure if I have OCD but wonder about it sometimes.....

I've lived alone now for over 24 years, so that may have something to do with it, but I am very neat...meaning, if something is out of place I have to put it back in its place....

When my kids come over to dinner, they don't really rinse the dishes off like I do, and just throw them in the dishwasher and that bothers me, although I don't say anything. When you throw dishes in the dishwasher dirty, all that food collects at the bottom or in the filter and I really hate the thought of that....

My son always puts the butter dish in the wrong place, instead of it's rightful home. LOL

My DIL said, she feels that sometimes I'll come behind her and redo what she has done....and I hate that she feels that way?

I'm a real clean freak....although not as bad as I used to be years ago, but, DIL asked me if I dust 3 x's a day? LOL

I literally hate anyone in my kitchen when I am cooking and dishing food up, it makes me real nervous and I don't know why?

My DIL came in one night and I had sauce with meatballs in it, simmering on the stove, she picked up a big spoon and went to stir it and I jumped at her saying, "oh my don't stir, there are meat balls in there!"....and I know I hurt her feelings...

Now this could stem from when I was married a long time ago. I considered myself a pretty good cook, but everytime I put something on the table, my now ex complained to the point that it made me so nervous to cook.

My son said once, that b/c I've lived alone for a very long time, and have always been independent, that I just have a way of doing things?

Then I wonder sometimes if I'm a control freak? My DIL is fixated on buying gifts for Christmas, and at my age, almost 75 I don't need anything...and asked for gift cards, but that doesn't suit her....? She has to buy a gift...? And I'm not really into what she buys me, but say nothing....

So, I just thought I'd jump on here and see if I could get some feedback...I really wonder if I have OCD or am a very controlling person?
Duh! You've lived alone for 24 years. You are set in your ways and used to having things your way.
Having clean dishes is important. Being able to find the butter dish when you need it is important. And as you get older, I imagine it will be even more important! You don't like people messing with things you have in progress. Maybe you have some mild OCD tendencies, but nothing significant.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2023, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by bu2 View Post
Duh! You've lived alone for 24 years. You are set in your ways and used to having things your way.
Having clean dishes is important. Being able to find the butter dish when you need it is important. And as you get older, I imagine it will be even more important! You don't like people messing with things you have in progress. Maybe you have some mild OCD tendencies, but nothing significant.
Thank you, yes, I've lived alone that long, actually longer, even when I was dating....but yes, I am a clean freak, always have been....it was a learned behavior....I had to clean the house when I was very young, and if my mom found dirt anywhere, she'd make me do it all over again, not just the areas where she found dirt but the entire house. So, I think that's where it came from....and I'm glad I'm clean, as I hear horror stories from my son, as to how filthy some of the houses are that he must walk into....

And yes, your right, if my meal is a work in progress I really don't want to have someone come in and stir things, but I'm going to try some of the suggestions that were given here....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-13-2023, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,765 posts, read 35,979,500 times
Reputation: 43492
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Good one! Thank you!

I would seriously prefer not to react & instead put a lid on it and let these little things go...it's so spontaneous...and after I react I think, "now why in the hell did you do that?" Like when I jumped when DIL went to stir the meat balls....and honestly I do get anxious when people are in the kitchen with me...and I don't know why that is?

But I have heard other women discuss this as well, and I have a very close girlfriend who is the same as me, she hates it when people help her in the kitchen, or when people hover there when she's trying to serve....she is a lot like me....I'm not saying its right....

but usually when they come in for dinner, I have it all ready to go, so my DIL cuts the bread, (they love my home made bread) and my son gets the drinks...and he will mock me by saying to me, "now I hope you aren't going to get in my way, in my kitchen while I'm doing this". LOL....

However, once I asked my DIL, "what time do you want me to come for dinner," and she said, 5:30 b/c I would prefer no one be there while I'm cooking. LOL, I don't believe she realizes....and she refuses to allow me to help her clean up...so, I don't get why they don't understand?
I'd love you to clean up my kitchen mess. Really, my son's kitchen mess. I'm now the proud parent of a guy who cooks, grills, smokes, fries, whatever, better than I do. I usually have to clean up most of it. It's a fair price to pay for really good food.

My late husband worked in kitchens in senior high school and college. I was in the way even if I was just trying to remove dirty dishes and clear surfaces. Excuse me for trying to help.

Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 11-14-2023 at 06:32 AM.. Reason: Fixed the quote tag
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-14-2023, 04:21 AM
 
Location: Germany
716 posts, read 419,997 times
Reputation: 1884
That reminds me of my grandma a bit. Sweetest person in the world always cleaning or cooking, never needing anything back. But I really did wish she was a bit more relaxed. She told me a similar story about her mom being very judgy about stuff like cleaning (I guess at her time a lot of parents were that way).

Anyway, don't have a lot of thoughts about this - just enjoy the company of others and remember the world won't end if other people don't do it your way. And your DIL probably just really likes you so why not indulge and find something you like so that she can buy it for you next time
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-16-2023, 08:40 AM
 
5,587 posts, read 3,013,050 times
Reputation: 14092
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
I make my meatballs very moist, and sometimes they fall apart in the sauce when you stir, I put them in at the end, before serving only to heat through and through without stirring?

Yes, I do believe I am controlling, to an extent, but hey it's my house and they are guests....when I go to their home, she doesn't want anyone hanging around in the kitchen when she is cooking either....and she never allows me to help her clean up, and I respect that...honestly...it's her home, I certainly don't want to make her uncomfortable....

and yes, I was very insecure as a young person....and believe boundaries are necessary with any relationship....

I'll try even harder....and do the very best I can...not to be when they are here....but I do so enjoy them and my DIL, she is so funny, and fun to be around, so I'll continue to try....

I don't know if you'll understand this, but it's just so second nature for me to respond, in a negative way...it just comes out...my intent isn't to hurt anyone's feelings, or control anyone, I just need people lol, to stay out of my kitchen when I'm cooking? It really makes me nervous, and I love my DIL to the moon, sometimes she over steps, like she'll come into the kitchen and open the frig and say, "Whats for dinner?" Or she will ask me about finances, and I tell her, right out, I believe that's no one's business unless I offer information....(not in a nasty way) or she will take something I do well, and turn it into a negative, all the time....but I understand why, and ignore it most of the time....she is a love, and has very many good points about her....
To me, it sounds like you try to be considerate of your family, and that's why "your ways" concern you. Honestly, I think ALL the people we love have assets and deficits...but still, we love them. How about maybe sending your DIL a greeting card from time to time, telling her all the ways you appreciate her...so that when you need to remind her (gently) that there are boundaries, it won't sting her as much, because you've told her at other times, why and how much you love her?

I have a sister-in-law who often feels the need to 'clean' when she comes over. Honestly, I feel a little insulted when she does this, although I know, pyschologicaly, it's HER compulsion...so I think I get where you're coming from.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-16-2023, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by SnazzyB View Post
To me, it sounds like you try to be considerate of your family, and that's why "your ways" concern you. Honestly, I think ALL the people we love have assets and deficits...but still, we love them. How about maybe sending your DIL a greeting card from time to time, telling her all the ways you appreciate her...so that when you need to remind her (gently) that there are boundaries, it won't sting her as much, because you've told her at other times, why and how much you love her?

I have a sister-in-law who often feels the need to 'clean' when she comes over. Honestly, I feel a little insulted when she does this, although I know, pyschologicaly, it's HER compulsion...so I think I get where you're coming from.
I have written her thank you notes, she knows that I love her dearly....which is my saving Grace....she always grabs me and hugs me goodbye...she is a gem, but I will need to tell her more....me thinks.

my kids come over once a week for dinner, and always try to make something different for them. Sat. night it's focaccia, chicken franceses and angle hair pasta, with a pistachio pie for dessert. (I love to cook) and alway make x-tra to send home with them, gives them another meal they don't have to cook....and they love my home made bread.

So, they know I love them dearly, but maybe one night, when we're sitting around I'll bring it up, about me, getting anxiety....they know I hate it when someone is in the kitchen, my son even kids me about it....but still I need to lighten up.

thank you for the advice.

yeah, send her over to my place, she's welcome to clean. lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-16-2023, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,840 posts, read 30,079,335 times
Reputation: 19026
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I'd love you to clean up my kitchen mess. Really, my son's kitchen mess. I'm now the proud parent of a guy who cooks, grills, smokes, fries, whatever, better than I do. I usually have to clean up most of it. It's a fair price to pay for really good food.

My late husband worked in kitchens in senior high school and college. I was in the way even if I was just trying to remove dirty dishes and clear surfaces. Excuse me for trying to help.
actually I've always loved to clean....I don't know, this sounds really dumb, but a clean house, always made me feel accomplished?

I don't know why, honestly, but having someone else in the kitchen when I cook, makes me nervous/anxious...and I know others who say the same thing? I know not everyone feels this way, but it wasn't you, it was him and how he felt about it...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:33 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top