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Old 11-22-2008, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Idaho
873 posts, read 1,415,478 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Not that a website can diagnose but the links I provided are from very reputable hospitals...may give insight...
Yikes!
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Old 11-22-2008, 08:52 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,205,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eastidahomom View Post
Yikes!
Yep, it's not a nice disorder...
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Old 11-22-2008, 10:55 PM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,267,829 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Live with someone who has it and get back to me...
Amen to that. Was married to a woman who was eventually clinically diagnosed as an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), along with presenting symptoms of BP, a very similar disorder, and they are often found together. There have been some good points made here about the difficulties of any sort of relationship with these kinds of folks, including the fact that they can outwardly appear very normal to people who really don't know them, and they can also be extraordinarily manipulative. Among other things, they also do "victim" really well. Alot of divorce attorneys can tell you about that part.

Both disorders also share the symptoms of displaying chronic rages, a total absence of empathy, and a fear of any intimate emotional bond (i.e., they don't "do" love, so you get alot of contradicting "push-pull" behaviors).

Would like to add, that as difficult as it can be to be involved in any relationship with these kinds of folks, it's twice as hard to extricate yourself from the relationship, because they are often so skilled at recognizing and exploiting others' weaknesses. So you're not only fighting with them when you leave, you're struggling with your own vulnerabilities, which of course they know very well by now, and won't hesitate to use against you.

Finally, be aware that those of us who have had parents like this, have to some degree been "trained" to serve and accomodate their unique and self-centered needs. So it's not uncommon to find that you've become a sort of "magnet" for these kinds of people (as bosses, mates, friends), who are also very good at sensing potential sources of "narcissistic supply". But after awhile you can learn to recognize the signs of what I think of as basically emotional vampires. Not always bad people mind you, and often quite charming. But make no mistake, to a BP or NP, everyone else is just food for their ravenous ego. So if you've been involved with one for awhile, it's important to give yourself some time to re-discover your own emotional life and needs.
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Old 11-22-2008, 11:04 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,301,031 times
Reputation: 6942
I see a lot of NPD and BP in everyday society. They are usually the ones that pick, pester, and scapegoat a person until the person retaliates. Then act like "the victim"when the person retaliates.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mateo45 View Post
Amen to that. Was married to a woman who was eventually clinically diagnosed as an NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), along with presenting symptoms of BP, a very similar disorder, and they are often found together. There have been some good points made here about the difficulties of any sort of relationship with these kinds of folks, including the fact that they can outwardly appear very normal to people who really don't know them, and they can also be extraordinarily manipulative. Among other things, they also do "victim" really well. Alot of divorce attorneys can tell you about that part.

Both disorders also share the symptoms of displaying chronic rages, a total absence of empathy, and a fear of any intimate emotional bond (i.e., they don't "do" love, so you get alot of contradicting "push-pull" behaviors).

Would like to add, that as difficult as it can be to be involved in any relationship with these kinds of folks, it's twice as hard to extricate yourself from the relationship, because they are often so skilled at recognizing and exploiting others' weaknesses. So you're not only fighting with them when you leave, you're struggling with your own vulnerabilities, which of course they know very well by now, and won't hesitate to use against you.

Finally, be aware that those of us who have had parents like this, have to some degree been "trained" to serve and accomodate their unique and self-centered needs. So it's not uncommon to find that you've become a sort of "magnet" for these kinds of people (as bosses, mates, friends), who are also very good at sensing potential sources of "narcissistic supply". But after awhile you can learn to recognize the signs of what I think of as basically emotional vampires. Not always bad people mind you, and often quite charming. But make no mistake, to a BP or NP, everyone else is just food for their ravenous ego. So if you've been involved with one for awhile, it's important to give yourself some time to re-discover your own emotional life and needs.
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,176,645 times
Reputation: 714
Sorry to hear about your mom. I did a paper on Borderline Personality Disorders while I was working on my graduate degree. I wrote this paper for my "Family Violence" class and it was well received by most of my class members-especially being that most people are not aware of personality disorders. I also was a member of an online forum that addressed the disorder with significant others and family members.

I had a boyfriend when I was a teen and I knew that something was terribly wrong especially with his emotions and his anger. I now know that this furious rage that came out of no where, was being directed at me because he had painted me "black"- meaning (not a good person). My assessment while young was that he was very immature and was not developing properly. Met up with him later on in life and he still had those same behaviors. He told me there is either good or bad, yes or no, white or black and no gray areas. I was stunned at these statements and decided to research the last statement. I typed in the search engine, "White or Black thinking" and the results all over the page were BPD. This is when it got good. I called him on it and he admitted that he had been diagnosed with it, but he did not believe that he had it.

This is one of the main problems with this disorder. Psychiatrist do not want to deal with these patients because they are in denial and they are notorious for filing suits against their doctors. All the classic signs were present and then after I called him on it-he did what they are known to do best. The emotional disconnection dance (emotional disregulation) and then they come back months or weeks later and actually believe they can pick up where they left off. WOW!! It truly was a roller coaster ride for about three months, but I am relieved that I now know what was wrong with him while we were young.

It is extremely difficult to deal with their behaviors. For the people who have stayed in these relationships and have chosen to be the victims, it is vitally important for them to be a member of a support group. It is like they say- A TRIP TO OZ!!

You will find a wealth of support if you type in the "NOOK Borderline Personality Disorders." The discussion board is named "Just The Facts." They have a thread specifically for your situation with your mother, which should help you tremendously. I will keep you in my thoughts. I could never imagine having a relationship like that again. It was quite mind-boggling and took a great toll on my nerves really bad. Overall it just has made me take a careful look at all the red flags we are warned about, but many of us ignore.

Last edited by Heaveno; 11-23-2008 at 11:14 AM..
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:28 AM
 
23,903 posts, read 31,123,865 times
Reputation: 28539
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Live with someone who has it and get back to me...
I know you were responding to JB, but his response was commenting on mine, so here's my 2 cents.

I did not mean to infer that people with these "disorders" are easy to deal with, or that people don't have "scarred" childhoods from having such parents. I'm sure both are true. My only point was, that there are SO many different flavors of personality "screw-ups"....where people are just plain dysfunctional and not someone you want to be around or have in your life...I get weary of the special "name" they earn for each flavor. Like there is ANY end to the things that can screw up a person? I don't think there is...I think it's endless...and I think it just gives some validation to the behavior and the person by calling it it's own special disorder.
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Miami, FL
3,441 posts, read 4,860,109 times
Reputation: 2205
Quote:
Originally Posted by texgrl View Post
I recently read "Understanding the Borderline Mother".....I never understood how my mother could treat me the way she has since childhood, until I read this book. Im interested to know if anyone else has read this book or has a mother who has BPD???
How did you deal with her in adulthood?
I had a mother with schizaphrenia. How do I deal with her? By staying away from her whenever I can.
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:31 AM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,205,335 times
Reputation: 7378
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I know you were responding to JB, but his response was commenting on mine, so here's my 2 cents.

I did not mean to infer that people with these "disorders" are easy to deal with, or that people don't have "scarred" childhoods from having such parents. I'm sure both are true. My only point was, that there are SO many different flavors of personality "screw-ups"....where people are just plain dysfunctional and not someone you want to be around or have in your life...I get weary of the special "name" they earn for each flavor. Like there is ANY end to the things that can screw up a person? I don't think there is...I think it's endless...and I think it just gives some validation to the behavior and the person by calling it it's own special disorder.
Well, I suppose there has to be a name for everything but that does not make it less real...just because we only knew about 10 diseases(GROSS Exaggeration!) a few years ago does not mean there are not actually 10,000...there is proof BPD is related to neurotransmitters in the brain so with that said, I find it hard to pass it off as a fleeting diagnosis.

Thank you for your response.
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Old 11-23-2008, 12:02 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,301,031 times
Reputation: 6942
Why did you stay with a guy that had BPD or seemed toxic?

You are sounding like a victim.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Heaveno View Post
Sorry to hear about your mom. I did a paper on Borderline Personality Disorders while I was working on my graduate degree. I wrote this paper for my "Family Violence" class and it was well received by most of my class members-especially being that most people are not aware of personality disorders. I also was a member of an online forum that addressed the disorder with significant others and family members.

I had a boyfriend when I was a teen and I knew that something was terribly wrong especially with his emotions and his anger. I now know that this furious rage that came out of no where, was being directed at me because he had painted me "black"- meaning (not a good person). My assessment while young was that he was very immature and was not developing properly. Met up with him later on in life and he still had those same behaviors. He told me there is either good or bad, yes or no, white or black and no gray areas. I was stunned at these statements and decided to research the last statement. I typed in the search engine, "White or Black thinking" and the results all over the page were BPD. This is when it got good. I called him on it and he admitted that he had been diagnosed with it, but he did not believe that he had it.

This is one of the main problems with this disorder. Psychiatrist do not want to deal with these patients because they are in denial and they are notorious for filing suits against their doctors. All the classic signs were present and then after I called him on it-he did what they are known to do best. The emotional disconnection dance (emotional disregulation) and then they come back months or weeks later and actually believe they can pick up where they left off. WOW!! It truly was a roller coaster ride for about three months, but I am relieved that I now know what was wrong with him while we were young.

It is extremely difficult to deal with their behaviors. For the people who have stayed in these relationships and have chosen to be the victims, it is vitally important for them to be a member of a support group. It is like they say- A TRIP TO OZ!!

You will find a wealth of support if you type in the "NOOK Borderline Personality Disorders." The discussion board is named "Just The Facts." They have a thread specifically for your situation with your mother, which should help you tremendously. I will keep you in my thoughts. I could never imagine having a relationship like that again. It was quite mind-boggling and took a great toll on my nerves really bad. Overall it just has made me take a careful look at all the red flags we are warned about, but many of us ignore.

Last edited by artsyguy; 11-23-2008 at 12:28 PM..
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Old 11-23-2008, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Transition Island
1,679 posts, read 2,176,645 times
Reputation: 714
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I know you were responding to JB, but his response was commenting on mine, so here's my 2 cents.

I did not mean to infer that people with these "disorders" are easy to deal with, or that people don't have "scarred" childhoods from having such parents. I'm sure both are true. My only point was, that there are SO many different flavors of personality "screw-ups"....where people are just plain dysfunctional and not someone you want to be around or have in your life...I get weary of the special "name" they earn for each flavor. Like there is ANY end to the things that can screw up a person? I don't think there is...I think it's endless...and I think it just gives some validation to the behavior and the person by calling it it's own special disorder.
I agree partially with what you have mentioned because the behaviors can cross over or be one that is present in one of the other mental or personality disorders. I personally appreciate knowing the dominant behaviors that one would be exposed to or observe depending on what type of disorder it is. I also want to know who I need to avoid having relationships with based on this information. There are some disorders which are not that severe or emotionally draining- such as someone who has OCD or and this is taking a stretch-people who are Bi-Polar, as long as they are taking their meds as prescribed. The messed up thing with NPD and BPD is that these people do not usually believe anything is wrong so they do not get the help that they need and they are emotionally exhausting. The BPD relationship is very intense emotionally and this is really when people become disillusioned because the high of the relationship is not like any other-there are enough people who will testify to this statement. Falling in love to quick, always calling, etc. are listed as red flags for dating. When the receiver is just simply thinking that the person is "head over heels' in love with them, and sometimes these receivers are needy themselves they usually are not thinking about the red flags that one should be aware of while dating. Emotionally one can easily become engulfed and mesmerized by all of this attention and this is when it becomes very easy to remember the danger signs.
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