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Old 12-22-2010, 06:00 PM
 
610 posts, read 1,096,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post

Sorry - not trying to be insensitive - I just get weary of all the diagnosing being done. Good luck in dealing with it...I'm sure it must be a bear.
I agree, 30 years ago people had hardly heard of allergies, disorders etc etc.
now EVERYONE has this and that intollerance, allergy, ADHD, dyslexia, this and that diagnosis, food preferences, bla bla bla bla.

Somebody should scrap all this BS and start over.
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Old 12-22-2010, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Michaux State Forest
1,276 posts, read 2,904,989 times
Reputation: 1419
I can relate, I do believe my mother has BPD however half the time she's great- loving, considerate, ect. The other half is evil incarnate and the worst part- you never know which "mother" you are dealing with. My whole childhood I walked on eggshells and I still hate her for it. Another problem is she has everything vested in being the perfect parent and projects that image 24/7. Because of this, nobody believes me about what I've gone through, she won't even admit it, telling me I'm lying. Unfortunately due to an accident, I had to move back in with her and although I do love her, she is like a blackhole of CONSTANT negativity and she drains me dry. But, it's this or live on the streets so I'm trying to make peace and forgive.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:22 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,630 posts, read 2,287,567 times
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^^^^^^^^Wow. That is my worst nightmare. I'm in very low contact with my mother for that reason. It's like Debbie Downer, Mommie Dearest, and June Cleaver all in one unpredictable package. Invite friends over as often as you can so she has to put her happy face on as often as possible.
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Old 12-22-2010, 09:32 PM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,267,829 times
Reputation: 5901
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
I can relate, I do believe my mother has BPD however half the time she's great- loving, considerate, ect. The other half is evil incarnate and the worst part- you never know which "mother" you are dealing with. My whole childhood I walked on eggshells and I still hate her for it. Another problem is she has everything vested in being the perfect parent and projects that image 24/7. Because of this, nobody believes me about what I've gone through, she won't even admit it, telling me I'm lying. Unfortunately due to an accident, I had to move back in with her and although I do love her, she is like a blackhole of CONSTANT negativity and she drains me dry. But, it's this or live on the streets so I'm trying to make peace and forgive.
Yes, that seems to be something else that BPD folks do very well, is they really know how to put on a great "front", and actually they may even subtly imply to everyone else that you might be some sort of a problem, which they've been a long-suffering "victim" of (always a great trick for gaining sympathy & control anyway)!

BTW, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is also the name of a good book re: coping with loved ones who have BPD.
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Old 12-23-2010, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Michaux State Forest
1,276 posts, read 2,904,989 times
Reputation: 1419
Yes, it's been like a living nightmare, I almost wish she would be horrible all the time because at least then I'd know what I'm dealing with. Instead, all I deal with is manipulation and passive/aggressive mind games. Sdaly, when she's good, she's great- like a best friend you can tell anything to, until she decides to use what you told her against you, often usining your own words/worst fears, ect. to mock and belittle. Plus she has the martyr role down to perfection. "I gave up my life to raise you", ect. ect. ect.............................
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Old 12-23-2010, 05:45 PM
 
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,367 posts, read 8,267,829 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilred0005 View Post
"I gave up my life to raise you", ect. ect. ect.............................
(LOL!!).... or else another one is probably something along the lines of, "and look how much I take care of you...!" But your good sense of humor (plus a little validation now and then), goes a long way!!
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Old 01-01-2011, 07:39 AM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,726,570 times
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Ouch. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I can't believe some of the things I am reading on this thread. People with BPD are not bad. No need to villify us or paint us as bad people. We have a mental illness. So freakin' what?

No one is perfect.
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Old 01-01-2011, 09:43 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,190 posts, read 50,480,930 times
Reputation: 60066
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime View Post
Ouch. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I can't believe some of the things I am reading on this thread. People with BPD are not bad. No need to villify us or paint us as bad people. We have a mental illness. So freakin' what?

No one is perfect.
From reading what some of these people are saying who have borne the brunt of living with someone who has that mental illness, it's a pretty big freakin' what. They are saying what they experienced.

I am not one of them, but it's not as if people who are harmed by other people can just say, "oh la-di-da, I'm going to shut off my feelings when someone is abusive, it's JUST a lil' ol' mental illness."

And the mentally ill person, once diagnosed and made aware that what s/he does to others is hurtful, bears some responsibility for their own behavior.
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Old 01-01-2011, 10:09 AM
 
21 posts, read 26,804 times
Reputation: 20
Default may have a bpd mother myself...

most of your replies and sharing of experiences have mimicked my own. curious to get some responses here...
sent usual x-mas cards this year one of them being to a family friend that's associated w. (my mom who shows strong signs of BPD). didn't hear anything from this particular family, had a bad feeling mom was doing some "talking" on the other side....
got a new year's card from the very family and it said along the lines of, didn't know if you wanted to hear from us still, etc. now mind you, exchanges have only been holiday cards, etc. between the family and ours, nothing negative at all.
called the family immediately, knew something was up. GREAT conversation, however was told "your mom told us not to send you anything, not to acknowledge your birthday, holidays, etc." (haven't talked to mom in a year, however have acknowledged every holiday, sent photos, goods, and warm thoughts but physical visit hasn't taken place)
you know what hurt me most? what these people may have thought for a half second because of what mother w/ possible bpd may have spewed. this is a VERY small instance, however it's recent and i'm curious to hear responses. thanks!
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Old 01-01-2011, 05:03 PM
 
1,369 posts, read 1,726,570 times
Reputation: 1645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
From reading what some of these people are saying who have borne the brunt of living with someone who has that mental illness, it's a pretty big freakin' what. They are saying what they experienced.

I am not one of them, but it's not as if people who are harmed by other people can just say, "oh la-di-da, I'm going to shut off my feelings when someone is abusive, it's JUST a lil' ol' mental illness."

And the mentally ill person, once diagnosed and made aware that what s/he does to others is hurtful, bears some responsibility for their own behavior.
Some of you act as though EVERY person with BPD is a monster when that is not true.
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