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I think if I was married to the right person, my life probably would be better.
However, I have seen women use the intimacy card as a control game over men, hence I am very leery and guarded about running out there and just getting married to get married. It has to be the "right person" otherwise I am content with staying the course.
Very, very good post. I don't believe in cheating but, my God, if there was a control game surrounding intimacy, it's almost a license to cheat. That is unconscionable. I have two friends that divorced over the "yanking of the chain" over sex. One of them is a lot happier for having gotten out of the marriage but don't know how the other one is doing.
I wouldn't disagree with your perspective. I guess what I would say is depends on where you live. I live in a very rural area now where at 18 you either join the army, go away to school, or get a low end blue collar job and/or the woman gets pregnant. There are many gals around here that by 23 have 3 or 4 kids. And we have grandmothers in their late 30's around here. Professional women that are educated and got themselves a decent job don't really exist around here. So in the 25-40 year old age group around here, the people that are here are married or if not the woman almost always has a few kids.
If you go to a larger town or city there are a lot of women in their 30's that went to college or beyond, got themselves a decent, professional job, set their own life up and suddenly they are 30+ wondering where the time went. I think women actually blossom in their 30's, if given time to, and I think the pickings are probably better. In their 20's they go through a conceited arrogant "it's all about me" phase and also lack some life experience and I find with a lot of them, unrealistic expectations about life, jobs, partners, money, etc.. I think in the 30's the fruit is ready to be picked.
Things change. I am no longer in my thirties. When I was, there were few who fit the bill, at least in my circles. At that time, in order to hire 50% women (new hires who were 10 to 15 years younger than me) management had to work hard to select from the 14% of applicants who were women.
At 33, I was in a management development course. Eight men who had been passed over to quickly promote women. Then there was a two year period when the economy was good and almost all the women left for greener pastures.
At the end of the week, we agreed to go for a beer. Somehow, the conversation got to age and marital status. We were all 33 and all single. Up to that point I had felt that I was doing something wrong but realized that this was not the case.
In the years before that, I recall hanging out with these guys and other co-workers. There was one woman who was part of that group, a friend but not interested in any of the single guys. She had her eyes on a married man. Years later, I ran into her. She needed a shoulder to cry on. The guy stuck with his wife. I occasionally wonder what might have happened if she had pursued one of us. We were solid types, perhaps not the best looking but not quasimoto either. She was sort of the exception since most career oriented women with good prospects had been snapped up in school or soon after. Many out of the 14% mentioned above were already married. The rest had very high expectations. So I suspect that this problem persisted for a few years.
However, now that 65% of university students are female, the 50% quota iis likely out the window. The corporations I go into now are 70% women among the younger employees. Ah to be a young male with a good education now.
In the years before that, I recall hanging out with these guys and other co-workers. There was one woman who was part of that group, a friend but not interested in any of the single guys. She had her eyes on a married man. Years later, I ran into her. She needed a shoulder to cry on. The guy stuck with his wife.
I've seen this more than once with single women. There is thing that, when single men are in fact available, and even decent looking, they have their sights set on married guys....there must be something about having ejaculated and fertilized an egg that makes them so much more virile, right? Then, it almost inevitably goes sideways because of the wife/kids. She deserved what she got. I hope you did not offer a shoulder.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 12-14-2008 at 11:25 PM..
I am sure though he has smartened up about what women really want - money and safety. Obviously, if he is 40 and professional you aren't the first girl who has tried to make a move on him. He knows what is up and how to work the game.
If he hasn't realize that then he probably isn't too smart.
I've seen this more than once with single women. There is thing that, when single men are in fact available, and even decent looking, they have their sights set on married guys....there must be something about having ejaculated and fertilized an egg that makes them so much more virile, right? Then, it almost inevitably goes sideways because of the wife/kids. She deserved what she got. I hope you did not offer a shoulder.
I think women are attracted to the fact that he committed to someone. Back in their mind they think that the sex they are giving him will lure him away from his wife and then he will get married to her. Obviously, rarely ever happens.
I tend to agree except in one point. Most men have less interest in marriage as they age. They become more selective because the stakes are so high if a marriage fails.
When they are in their 20s, the stakes are less and they are also more inclined to be attracted to women who appreciate them for their potential and their inner qualities. Since most relationships at that age are fueled by physical attraction, if a woman can be attracted to a man for other reasons, he appreciates it a lot.
If you wait until he is successful, he`s sceptical, to put it mildly and usually not that receptive.
There's another thing -- it's easy to marry in your early to mid 20's because there are many never-been-marrieds around.
After that there is the problem of meeting singles, and very easy to never meet the right one. Once someone is in their 30's, trying to find someone who doesn't have a lot of issues and baggage gets difficult.
If someone isn't married by 25-28, the odds start getting worse quickly.
Dunno between work, travel, home, I stay busy. I'm never bored and always have a lot to do. I used to desire getting married and all that, but most of these women these days are bossy tyrants. Rather just shag em and dump em.
That's actually true for both genders. The wanna-be marrieds get married mostly in their 20's. Some pass through that stage, didn't get hooked, and from then on it becomes more difficult. The women out there become like the Sex in the City types, very easy and very neurotic. Or there are those coming out of a marriage, too eager to jump into another one. Everyone gets very set in their ways and self-centered and that also makes marriage too difficult.
But I'm wondering how such a person structures his life; what does he do when he gets home? Does he watch TV or just read professional journals, or does he have some way to find casual dates? And does he suppress his sex drive, or do men, even the super serious academic types find an outlet and how? And is this an age trigger where they are looking to finally find someone? [I would also ask about females, but my goal here is somewhat specific; but obviously all discussion is welcome and appreciated]. I feel kind of paranoid about being more specific, just don't want to jinx anything, even if completely totally unrealistic.
Unmarried people do what ever the hell they want that's why they are unmarried.
I do not get the whole point in marriage anyways. Die alone? Uh there are things called friends and you do not need to put a ring on your spouses finger in order to have them stick around. If you need to do that you probably are going to end up divorced any damn ways.
If your 40, independent and succsessful who cares. Its not like your living with your Mom and working at wal-mart. If you can 20 yrs olds even better. I have decided I am never going to get married. I might live with someone but I am never going to get that piece of paper which becomes a hassle if you wanna break things off.
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