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Old 12-15-2008, 01:02 PM
14,752 posts, read 28,510,728 times
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
That's actually true for both genders. The wanna-be marrieds get married mostly in their 20's. Some pass through that stage, didn't get hooked, and from then on it becomes more difficult. The women out there become like the Sex in the City types, very easy and very neurotic. Or there are those coming out of a marriage, too eager to jump into another one. Everyone gets very set in their ways and self-centered and that also makes marriage too difficult.
Damn, this is a good post. Right. People make the marriage plans during college, right after college, or early on during a well-timed graduate program. After that, it gets tougher and the pickings (good ones, anyway) get slimmer. And I don't think the "Sex in the City" women are good pickings - very calloused and jaded.
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Old 12-15-2008, 01:36 PM
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Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Once someone is in their 30's, trying to find someone who doesn't have a lot of issues and baggage gets difficult.
I disagree. I see plenty of 20 year old women with baggage and issues. No matter what the age we all have issues to deal with.
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Old 12-15-2008, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
I disagree. I see plenty of 20 year old women with baggage and issues. No matter what the age we all have issues to deal with.
People (not just women) have more baggage and issues as they get older. I'm not saying baggage and issues are even a bad thing, they just make getting married and doing all that compromising to make a marriage work more difficult.

Careers for example. That can be baggage, they can make issues. Children are definitely issues and you could say they are baggage. Not a bad thing but they make a marriage more difficult. A never-married man without children will defnitely have some adjustment to children, especially older children.

Call it getting more set in your ways instead of baggage. Someone age 22 or 24 usually has an easier time, especially when they're marriage minded in the first place. Someone over 40 who was never married is obviously not all that marriage-minded or they would already have been.
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Old 12-15-2008, 03:39 PM
Location: MA/NH
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My tenant is around 50 years old. He's been single all of his life, never even lived with any of his girlfriends. He's had the same girlfriend for about 15+ years now. He has no intention of marrying her, he doesn't want kids. And she loves him enough to accept that. She also has a job as a captain of a sailing vessel. He's friends with my BIL and according to my sister, his girlfriend had a crush on him in high school, then waited patiently through several blonde girlfriends before she had her chance at him. He's also a recovered alcoholic and he was a party animal in art school, so all of that might have permanently damaged his emotional brain chemistry. He does love his dogs and cats when he's had them.

Actually I know quite a few people, male and female, that are over 40 or 50 and have never been married. Eh, they seem happy enough. And I know a few divorced people that have never dated or married again. It's the divorced women that seem to swear off men altogether. Marriage isn't for everyone. And once burned, twice shy.
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Old 01-09-2009, 09:24 AM
Location: Holly Springs
113 posts, read 319,949 times
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Originally Posted by spyrals View Post
well, what about intimacy? or a life partner and friend, someone to share everything with? how come none of the men here mentioned anything along those lines. is it really all about money and sex for men, nothing deeper and more fulfilling in their relationships at all? if you are that worried about splitting your wealth later in life you can always get a prenup. don't men need some emotional support and an intellectual and spiritual bond with a woman, at least on some level?

yes I agree with this poster on this. As A 38 year old divorced guy with 2 young boys, I recently was in a 4 mos relationship with a 44 year old never been married no kids woman. She has considerably more wealth than I because she hasn't had 10 years of marriage expenses with a stay at home mom and 2 kids and now child support etc. Anyhow, I am working on that now (wealth) but i even offered to sign a pre-nup. I think it irked her that i am not more secure in possesions than i am and so she built a wall up against me though she said i was great etc. she has had a bunch of relationships where she walks out because of one reason or another. mine was that I didn't go out and socialize enough and have scores of friends like she does.

she prolly needs to find a man who is in same boat, never been married, no kids, and has wealth. funny thing is she wants to foster parent and then maybe adopt. i was open to that. to me, a loving relationship where communication is freely flowing each way is way better than money... but that is just me.
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Old 09-11-2009, 06:44 PM
Location: Dallas, TX
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How the Blazes Did I Miss This One!

I’ll be 42 in a few weeks, single, never married, no kids; so here’s my story.

I’m a dozen-year-or-so recovering Nice GuyTM , with most of the problems that entails (except I wasn’t the shoulder to cry on after a bad boy treated wronged her – luckily I never had THAT!). Furthermore, in my late 20s, I had a series of bad experiences with women just a few years younger than me. Given that I though things would change by this time in my life, it really emotionally devastated me, sent me into a depression that took a few years to recover from.

Finally, at 29, I WOKE UP, decided to live life for myself rather than live it for the (subconscious, as it turns out) purpose of getting a girl and leading the all-American picket-fence-in-the-suburbs telegenic lifestyle etc. etc. you know the rest. I decided the best way to rediscover my authentic, genuine self was to mentally time travel back to before I got interested in girls – all the way back to “geeky” hobbies (astronomy, science, care-free exploration of private weird ideas in my imagination, etc). Right about this time (1997, 29 yrs old), the Internet just became solidly established into the mainstream (though still a rather ‘geeky’ thing back then), which made it orders of magnitude easier to reconnect with half-forgotten pasttimes - and believe me, I took FULL advantage of it. After a few weeks, my self-confidence and assertiveness improved TREMENDOUSLY. That taught me right there that I didn’t need a woman to be happy – nor conform to the stereotypical middle-class lifestyle in general.

Although I did have two women who expressed interest in me since then, it didn’t turn out because we had different life goals (not the least of which is that I’m strongly committed to a child-free lifestyle – trust me when I say that I’m anything but father material). Even worse (from the womens’ points of view), the early 30s me simply saw no reason to get married, or even be in a relationship. The Zoloft I so badly needed also knocked the hell out of my libido, too..further making sexual relationships difficult. In short, just when women started to take more interest in me, my own interest in a romantic relationship, love, and even sex itself took a major nose dive as well. Don’t even ask about the horror stories I heard about men losing half their assets and kids to their exes in a divorce (as eventually happened to my brother two years ago – as in 2007, just to clarify that isn’t a typo).

My circumstance may be a rather special case, but I agree with the poster who said that a single man’s interest in marriage starts to drop after 30 (in my case, the late 20s) and more often than not keeps on declining as the years pass. The older I get, the more I realize that a wife can’t supply me with anything that my family and friend don’t already supply (well, there’s the sex bit, but even my very desire for sex declined, too). So I have to say I’m “married” to my hobbies more than anything else. Had I had better luck with women before age 28, I probably would have been married by now (maybe divorced by now any way, maybe not – no way to know). Then again, I would have missed out on much, if not most, of my pursuit of readings / websearching about astronomy, philosophy, sociology, economics, interesting discussions on various message boards, etc. Heck, I love those things so much at this point in my life that I don't even want a household pet (!) People’s priorities in life can and often do change over time, after all.

Last edited by Phil75230; 09-11-2009 at 07:09 PM..
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Old 09-11-2009, 09:44 PM
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I'm similar to that guy but I'm in my 30s.

Like it was said before, I don't need a woman to have a life. I have a successful career, my own house, my 2 cats and 1 dog, I watch TV, read, surf the internet, go out at night every weekend, I invite my friends for dinner, I go to the gym twice a week, I can buy whatever I want without someone nagging me, I travel whenever I can...well I can shave in front of the living room's mirror if I want to.I don't have to give explanations to anyone

So why would I choose to have a needy, annoying, screaming wife?

Even though I don't like kids like I've said before, I agree that it's much more appealling being a uncle than being a parent. My toddler nephew can be a brat with my brother and sister in law but he's a nice little fellow when he's with me.

Could I ask for better? Don't think so.
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Old 09-12-2009, 09:33 AM
Location: GA
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Maybe he doesn't want to have kids when he's unmarried. If he hasn't found the one maybe he chooses to be comfortable with his life and enjoy his family and friends. He might travel, read, watch tv, or work out after work. His time is his own to do whatever he wants. I don't think it's so odd.
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Old 09-12-2009, 10:24 AM
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Some people are workaholics and just never have the time or energy for a relationships. Others just don't like the idea of committing to one person. In our society, if you get married there's a lot of pressure to have children. Personally, I don't really see the point in getting married if you and your partner don't plan to have kids. I had a financial planner who's over 40, really athletic guy, tall, attractive, and I'm very wealthy. He wasn't serious and seemed very easygoing. But in discussing my finances, he mentioned that he's never been married either. At first, I wondered why since he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would have trouble attracting women. But then I realized maybe he likes being a bachelor or maybe he's just really picky. Who knows? I didn't try to get into the psychology of it because that would almost imply that there was something wrong him for not being married. But I don't think there was.
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Old 09-12-2009, 10:36 AM
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At some point you get used to living alone that adding another person into your home or the day to day life you've established for yourself can be extremely difficult. Also, people who are indifferent about having children do not feel the pressure of making a duet their whole lives. My parents had a horrible marriage while it lasted, no one in my family including 12 aunts and uncles have all been divorced and I was raised to be extremely independant. There are millions of reasons why to answer your question.
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