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Old 09-12-2009, 11:50 AM
 
8,831 posts, read 9,643,320 times
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It take a special woman to be married to a successful man who doesn't care to spend his money, I had a friend who would always need me to help jump start his car or push start it , it didn't matter to me that he had maybe $10,000,000 in the Bank, He just enjoyed his job more than he enjoyed spending money and his wife was cool with that and didn't expect a big house or lavish trips,
Guys like that may come home and putter around the house fixing crap, mowing their own lawn. anything to keep busy, that's how they got rich in the first place.
As far as single guys like that ,I never knew a guy with money who had trouble getting laid (by girls or guys)
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Old 09-12-2009, 11:58 AM
 
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Typically the only man who will marry at an older age is one who has seen something significantly change and its usually an elevated status. I recall there was that Hill Street Blues cast member who was a stocky balding man. His status changed and he married past 40. He was a most unusual sex symbol at the time and that was actually part of the conversation in an interview. Barring this , its unlikely.

A man seeking marriage in his late 30s and 40s for the first time is emerging from being too poor, overweight, free from substance abuse, or other significant status changes that has awoken a confidence to find a good mate. When a relative of mine lost a lot of weight at 40 he was a good looking and very decent man. He married shortly after.

I can attest to this effect. In my late 20s I was in the middle of a career change and father dying of cancer. Combined with a minor unrelated health problem that turned out to be a false alarm, I decided to go back to eating right. I also saw nothing to bother with in the Midwestern suburbs. Out of site, out of mind. I just figured I was going to be single. I was just completely derailed in my late 20s. It was my health that was the immediate motivation. So by my early 30s I had dropped a good 15 pounds, was in good shape, had a career and could afford nice clothes. That is why you will see me rail on the US food supply. I still have all my hair at 41 so people always guess my age 5 to 10 years younger . They finally stopped carding me at about 35. I also had none of that early 20 something lack of confidence. More and more people began to wonder why I was single. Everybody was trying to match me up from my Grandma to my coworkers.

I remember walking into some 30's singles function and realizing I was the girl magnet. Its kind of weird actually. I was certainly as good as any in college. I was even a bit of a holly wood brat pack look alike. However so was one of my friends and his was a better one. We were even seeing the same girl at the time and he won. Adding it all up, it made sense. I had not changed much from an in shape 25 year old at that time but with a career and complete confidence and it was with 30+ year old women. My status had changed. Probably the most important thing was I knew I had more to offer and began to actually bother looking. I woke up.

A women confronting such a situation does need to find out what changed. Some are good reasons. Some are not so good and could only be temporary.
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Old 09-12-2009, 12:30 PM
 
1,310 posts, read 2,643,521 times
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'So can anyone illuminate the psychology of a never married, over 40, etc.'

REPLY:

Possibilities range from :

1. His career was of utmost importance to him.
2. He never did much dating due to his career demands.
3. He is quite independent and couldnt make room for someone else as a lifelong partner.
4. He has major personal issues which have not been reconciled , healed, or overcome...and feels getting married wouldnt be fair on the other.
5. He looks upon Marriage as too confining and risky financially.
6. He has very limited ability when it comes to socializing with the opposite sex.
7. He has a disdain toward the opposite sex.
8. He has little or no sex drive and sees marriage as problem regarding that.
9. He is getting his sexual needs fully met by the opposite sex and sees no other reason to get married.
10 . He is a homosexual ., practicing or not.
11. He is very greedy and doesnt want to share his financial wealth or material possessions.
12. He is very narcissitic and doesnt have room for a meaningful relationship in his life.
13. He is scared of marriage based on his own parents divorcing or other friends divorcing.
14. He is very fulfilled and content living on his own and has numerous friends and other sources that make him a well balanced person.
15. He has not felt a calling from God to be married.
16. He has felt a calling to remain single to be used in various Christian Ministrys where extra time and energies can be devoted to them.
17. He is naturally reclusive , isolated, and anti-social except in his work where he excels.
18. He doesnt have the time or motivation to pursue meaningful relationships .
19. He is quite shy and bashful where the opposite sex is concerned.
20 He lost his genitals in a car accident and feels that would not be good for a marriage .
21. He has one or more STD's , permanent, and feels it disqualifies him from getting married.
22. He has the STD that leads to HPV in women which is the precursor to cervical cancer , and doesnt want to bestow that on another person.
23. He doesnt have the self confidence where women are concerned.
24. All women he has met harmed him in a deep emotional way.
25. All women he has had anything to do with were Feminists and it has scared him away .
26. He has incurable erectile dysfunction and has tried everything to no avail. It has contributed to very low self esteem .

Last edited by RVlover; 09-12-2009 at 12:40 PM.. Reason: typo
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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The only decent ones are 14 and maybe 3. Sheesh.
21 and 22 doesn't stop em.
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:23 PM
 
17,750 posts, read 15,051,082 times
Reputation: 6377
Quote:
Originally Posted by RVlover View Post
'So can anyone illuminate the psychology of a never married, over 40, etc.'

REPLY:

Possibilities range from :

1. His career was of utmost importance to him.
2. He never did much dating due to his career demands.
3. He is quite independent and couldnt make room for someone else as a lifelong partner.
4. He has major personal issues which have not been reconciled , healed, or overcome...and feels getting married wouldnt be fair on the other.
5. He looks upon Marriage as too confining and risky financially.
6. He has very limited ability when it comes to socializing with the opposite sex.
7. He has a disdain toward the opposite sex.
8. He has little or no sex drive and sees marriage as problem regarding that.
9. He is getting his sexual needs fully met by the opposite sex and sees no other reason to get married.
10 . He is a homosexual ., practicing or not.
11. He is very greedy and doesnt want to share his financial wealth or material possessions.
12. He is very narcissitic and doesnt have room for a meaningful relationship in his life.
13. He is scared of marriage based on his own parents divorcing or other friends divorcing.
14. He is very fulfilled and content living on his own and has numerous friends and other sources that make him a well balanced person.
15. He has not felt a calling from God to be married.
16. He has felt a calling to remain single to be used in various Christian Ministrys where extra time and energies can be devoted to them.
17. He is naturally reclusive , isolated, and anti-social except in his work where he excels.
18. He doesnt have the time or motivation to pursue meaningful relationships .
19. He is quite shy and bashful where the opposite sex is concerned.
20 He lost his genitals in a car accident and feels that would not be good for a marriage .
21. He has one or more STD's , permanent, and feels it disqualifies him from getting married.
22. He has the STD that leads to HPV in women which is the precursor to cervical cancer , and doesnt want to bestow that on another person.
23. He doesnt have the self confidence where women are concerned.
24. All women he has met harmed him in a deep emotional way.
25. All women he has had anything to do with were Feminists and it has scared him away .
26. He has incurable erectile dysfunction and has tried everything to no avail. It has contributed to very low self esteem .

Hi RVlover,

Thorough and accurate. I think I work with a 10 and a 17. Not 40 yet but well on their way. The category 10 is a tall good looking guy who dresses well.
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:24 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
6,772 posts, read 11,596,937 times
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:29 PM
 
17,750 posts, read 15,051,082 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
The only decent ones are 14 and maybe 3. Sheesh.
21 and 22 doesn't stop em.
Hi tamajane,

Not necessarily. Some of them like the career oriented ones or bad experiences can just be ruts. When I was out in a canoe fishing I did not even think about women because I did not see them. Many men work in male dominated fields. Take a man in a male dominated field who does male related hobbies and it becomes real easy to miss meeting any women at all. Out of site, out of mind.
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:39 PM
 
1,310 posts, read 2,643,521 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post
Hi RVlover,

Thorough and accurate. I think I work with a 10 and a 17. Not 40 yet but well on their way. The category 10 is a tall good looking guy who dresses well.
Hello there.
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Old 09-12-2009, 01:42 PM
 
1,310 posts, read 2,643,521 times
Reputation: 581
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
The only decent ones are 14 and maybe 3. Sheesh.
21 and 22 doesn't stop em.
There is most likely a combination of these that fit such a Man as the OP described . Not all are bad --- some are sound reasons, and even virtuous.
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Old 09-12-2009, 02:08 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
1,630 posts, read 2,291,488 times
Reputation: 2405
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1 View Post

A man seeking marriage in his late 30s and 40s for the first time is emerging from being too poor, overweight, free from substance abuse, or other significant status changes that has awoken a confidence to find a good mate. When a relative of mine lost a lot of weight at 40 he was a good looking and very decent man. He married shortly after.

A women confronting such a situation does need to find out what changed. Some are good reasons. Some are not so good and could only be temporary.
That was probably the best reply on this thread! RV was good too!
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