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Old 02-20-2009, 03:48 PM
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,688,478 times
Reputation: 2587


Originally Posted by stepka View Post
That sounds just like my sister. She has absolutely no reason to lie, but does it anyway. I have come to 2 conclusions: 1. She doesn't really give a rip whether you believe her--she just doesn't want you to know the real truth, which I suspect is that she runs a 1-900-talkdirtytome business and/or sells drugs 2. She believes much of what she says--she wants it to be true so badly that she warps reality in her own mind. My aunt says she's a sociopath, which I looked up and she meets the whole description--most sociopaths are not ax murderers. Also, sociopaths rarely get dx'ed, b/c they don't think they have a problem.

She's had 3 kids and has abandoned all of them at some point--the last one ended up in the NYC social system and it took me 2 weeks to track him down--she had given a fictitious name. Of course none of it was her fault. I very much limit my contact with her--I haven't seen her in years--she hasn't spoken to me anyway, b/c I had much to do with rescuing her kids and getting them into good homes or raising them myself, so I'm a monster in her eyes--she knows she was a good mother. I call her "that lazy bird Maisie" from Horton Hatches the Egg.
I'm not really sure the reasons behind pathological liars... how they end up the way they do. I have no idea how to deal with my brother except keep him away. No matter the extent or the duration of his lies he will always see himself as unjustifiably criticized by me even though I've always kept my mouth shut about his life (except twice in his life). I wouldn't doubt that he'll hate me for the rest of his life for questioning his character. I can tell you some crazy stories he's come up with but it would be the longest post ever.

I've had family members criticize me for not helping him (he's a half brother and the criticizing family members don't know him) like I'm supposed to swoop in and "save him." The way I see it, his choices are his own and he is who he is. I can't make him lead a better, honest, hard-working life because that takes more energy than he's willing to expend. I can only hope he'll get beyond this really dark stage... but I doubt it.

I'm sorry about your sis. It sucks having pathological liars as siblings (or from the other post... as spouses, etc).
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:25 PM
Location: Tucson/Nogales
16,485 posts, read 20,022,997 times
Reputation: 22425
And it also sucks to have pathological truth-tellers as siblings or friends.
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:37 PM
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 13,243,711 times
Reputation: 3740
I knew a woman who told everyone that she and her finance broke up after he refused to be by her side when she suffered a miscarriage. Not only was thag not true, but I found out that she religiously befriends people, gets to their friends and turns them on her "friend". She has destroyed many lives and relationships without a thought. My greatest comfort is knowing that all of the bad karma she has put out will come back to her.
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:40 PM
Location: So Cal
38,766 posts, read 37,946,188 times
Reputation: 39606
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
She has destroyed many lives and relationships without a thought. My greatest comfort is knowing that all of the bad karma she has put out will come back to her.
Yeah, Karma, hopefully that comes in the form of a swift kick in the ass.

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Old 02-24-2009, 08:45 PM
Location: Nowhere
9,761 posts, read 2,964,288 times
Reputation: 2162
Hey there! Here's my two cents: I've known a couple of people who've lied excessively.. I found that some of the reasons behind their issue were one: habit and two: they were very sensitive about being judged so they automatically lied to please the other person.. the 1st person that I knew that had this issue stopped lying once they felt truly comfortable with.. well.. me.. though they would still lie around other people, lol. The 2nd person I met like this.. I ended the relationship because it was too difficult waiting around for them to loosen up. I don't have a lot of patience for people who lie excessively anymore because of the 1st relationship.. but that's prob TMI, right? lol
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Old 02-25-2009, 05:55 AM
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,100,555 times
Reputation: 1646
Default Compulsive/Pathological Liars

Why would you even want to get involved in something like this? I wouldn't waste my time on someone who doesn't know how to differentiate between truth and fiction..could be dangerous.

At my age, 61, of course I have run into this type of person. I think we all will sooner or later. Embellishment is one thing but lying is a total different story..hurtful and mean; something you really don't need to be involved with.

I see you on here quite a bit asking a lot of relationship type questions which is ok but I wonder if you might not be happy yourself? Is there something or someone in your life who is making you unhappy? I am also thinking that perhaps you are young and if this is the case, time to be young and have fun and not worry about such things.

Ask some happy questions as you do appear to be quite bright
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Old 02-25-2009, 06:32 AM
28,906 posts, read 45,227,864 times
Reputation: 45815
OMG. I had an employee like that. My business partner hired him (He was notorious for awful hires, but that is a different story altogether). This guy, in the course of nine months totaled a client's car, nearly lost us a large account, hit on two employees, and was caught red-handed looking at Internet porn on my wife's computer. Two clients told me to never let him darken their doors again.

Why didn't I fire him? Because my biz partner just bought into this guy's total line of BS every time, and refused to let me can him. Meanwhile, this guy would just tell one outrageous lie after another.

So finally, one morning, I was driving the kids to school about 7:45 when I saw this guy out jogging with his girlfriend. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm, I wonder how Stephen is going to get to work on time?" Sure enough, at 8:35, I get a call from him saying how his physical therapy was running late. Uh huh.

At the end of that day, I decided to take an interest in his physical therapy and ask him what exactly he did during the course of it. He started talking about his workout machines, the exercises he went through and various other things. I asked him where he did his therapy, and he gave a location fully five miles from where I spotted the guy jogging.

So I lowered the boom, and said, "No, I saw you jogging with your girlfriend this morning at 7:45, five miles from where you said you were. So you lied to me." Immediately, the guy shifted gears and gave this incredibly convoluted explanation of how his therapy that day involved running, blah blah blah. I mean, I had to admire the smoothness of his alibi, even though I knew it was a total crock. I just can't lie worth a damn, so I marvel at those who can.

I simply told him, "That's nice, but I want a doctor's excuse on my desk Monday morning by 9 a.m., or you're fired. Until then, hand over your keys." The guy never showed back again.

And my best friend had a whirlwind romance with a woman who claimed to have attended the same small college that I did. I never saw her there, but I wasn't going to call her a liar. But things just kept adding up and adding up, and my friend kept catching her in these lies. Finally, I left a copy of my alumni director out on my kitchen counter when he came over to watch a game. While I was in the bathroom, he flipped through it and didn't find her name. He finally broke things off, but not before she did a lot of damage to his credit. She stole his checks, alienated his parents, you name it.
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Old 02-25-2009, 11:27 PM
Location: Texas
51 posts, read 110,559 times
Reputation: 42
I had an ex-girlfriend who lied about almost everything. She lied about the stupidest, unimportant things. I never knew when she was telling the truth. When I would confront her, she'd deny it. I got to a point where I'd have to save messages, record conversations or take pictures of things in case it ever came up again and I'd need to confront her. Although I'm sure she would've come up with something ridiculous. You just can't win with people like this. It's extremely frustrating!!!!!! UGH. Just thinking about it gets me upset all over again. LOL.
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Old 02-26-2009, 12:12 AM
Location: Midwest
3,711 posts, read 6,722,140 times
Reputation: 5639
I always wondered a lot about what made folks tick. Then I studied psychopathology in grad school and things got clear.

My father's father was a pathological liar, according to my father.
One of my best friends as a teenager was too. He just made up crap, then thought he'd accomplished something clever by "getting over" on the often well-intentioned victim.

Quick as a switch, they'll turn on the blame game if things aren't going their way. That to me is the telltale that I'm dealing with a psychopath. That is the first arrow in every psychopath's quiver, the blame game.

You made me do it. You made me hit you. You caused me to get arrested. You you you.

Emotionally a child, or a reptilian brain as one colleague used to refer to them.
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Old 10-06-2010, 09:47 AM
1 posts, read 1,629 times
Reputation: 10
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I'm doing some research on a woman who has deceived many people and slandered/libelled numerous others. It has been a jaw dropping pursuit. I wonder how she became this way. I wonder even more how someone is able to lie to the point that they start to believe what they say and actually act on it. Even more, how she is going to react when all this info comes out? It is scary.

Have any of you known one? If so, did you confront them? How?
People like to boldly say that since others don't matter to a sociopath being confronted on their lies won't matter a bit in making any changes...the fact that they have deceived and used others won't matter at all. I agree whole heartedly.

The problem here is the manner of confrontation. While they don't care about others they DO care about being cornered in a preplanned extravaganza that will leave them no choice but to look like a horse's pitootie. It tends to quiet them down and think twice about further cunning manipulation.
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