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There were girls who mentally tormented me but never really physically, though they threatened to all the time. This went on between grades 6-9. Grade 10 I moved and after that I was just a stoner the rest of my high school years. If someone bullied me I was too stoned to notice.
When I was a lad I was bullied/teased a lot. I was shorter than most kids. I used to be called "shrimp" all the time. It caused me to have a very defensive attitude towards other kids. Also, it made me a mumbling shoegazer, a sidewalk crack counting specialist, and a loner. As I devoted my energies towards my studies, my confidence grew as I realized I was smarter than these mofos. That, and my Dad told drilled into my head that these punks were essentially cowards and that standing up to them from time-to-time would scare them off. He was right.
I couldn't get past the shoegazing bit, though. And I didn't have a lot of confidence in my self-image. There is a period between the 6th grade and late high school when there are no photos of me...I didn't like to have my photo taken at all.
It wasn't until I started working for In-N-Out Burger during high school when all that changed (really!). The management insisted on eye contact and smiling and other elements of good customer service. I became very good at it. Nowadays, I work at a job that requires occasionally speaking to the public or making public presentations. I do it with confidence. If you had told me 20 years ago I would be able to get up in front of a group of people and just start yakking away, I would have thought you were crazy.
I remember when I was in 6th grade there was a girl in my class named "Lois" who literally looked like an adult. She was fully developed, and dressed and carried herself like an adult. She was also a little "off"....sort of a "Forest Gump" type. She didn't fit in at all.
Anyway, she was ruthlessly teased for being so "odd". She was adopted (not that that has anything to do with anything...just thought I'd throw it in there), and I think her parents were very loving. On her 12th birthday, her mother invited her whole class over for her birthday party. Only I and one other girl showed up out of over 30 invited. And Lois' mom had really gone all out for the party. It was so sad, and I felt so sorry for Lois. I went home and told my mom and cried.
What is it with seventh grade and bullies? I went to a private school with small classes and we were not without bullying issues, but what was the absolute worst was there was a seventh grade teacher who used to bully the students with shouts, threats, etc. I had a hellish year with some of the kids in that year who picked on me for whatever reason, but the teacher was far worse.
One incident that I remember vividly occurred when a group of students, allegedly as a joke, stole the keys to my locker, including the extra key from the teacher's desk, in retaliation for blowing the curve on an exam. Well, too bad for them that I actually studied...LOL So, I went to this teacher and informed her that my key was missing, and that I needed my spare. She went on a tear and completely berated me, throwing things out of her drawer while shouting at the top of her lungs that she didn't have it and it was my fault. I had witnessed some of her cutting remarks before, but nothing like this, and I had never been spoken to by anyone like that in my life. It was a mixture of shock at the outburst, and a breach of trust in that an adult who should have the welfare of students at heart was nothing more than a tyrannical witch.
Needless to say, the next class was either astronomy or chemistry (this teacher taught both), and the teacher was a very nice woman who had children around my age. She knew something was wrong with me visibly, though I never let on what had transpired. I did, however, on my way to that class, for which I had no books, send word to the group with my keys that they had until the end of that period to return them, or I would be forced to take action that might result in their being exposed.
They called my bluff, but I remember that I finished the lab early and the nice teacher called me back to her desk and handed me a note that said that I had permission to go wherever I needed: the nurse, the principal, the dean of students, whatever I needed, carte blanche. She just nodded her head and never made it public that I had left the room as I was able to slip out the back door. I later found out from her that I didn't notice it myself, but I was visibly shaking at times during her class. She called my house that evening, being friendly with my mother, and talked to her about the situation and how it had shaken me to the core. I never knew that at the time, however, and found out about that years later.
So, I didn't want to snitch and provoke the twits who had caused the situation in the first place, especially since I was not so much angry at them for a prank gone too far, but at the teacher for sanctioning their actions and heaping abuse on top of the situation. Also, I knew how to get back at them in due course, primarily by refusing to render assistance when it came time for them to need notes or a study partner. I went to find the building engineer to see if he could use bolt cutters to open the door for me, since it was an exterior lock that had the problem. I located him, and he said that he could certainly take care of the situation, but it might take him a few minutes to get there. I went back across the campus to the main building, since the next period had already begun, and ran into the principal's husband, who was a very nice grandfatherly figure whom had recently retired as a professor, and was always one to talk to certain students, work with us on projects after school such as preparation for Model UN, and other such activities.
He asked me what was up, and I explained the situation to him in brief, since I still was not right. I told him what had transpired that morning and he said that the best thing to do would be to talk to his wife, who was a lovely woman to me, though could be fierce with those who crossed the line. He went with me and I explained what had happened, and the principal had an expression of horror cross her face, when she learned of the abuse (her word) that the teacher had heaped upon the situation as opposed to correcting it.
Things really sprang into action, since she asked if I knew who had the keys, and I said that I was not sure, so I would not name names, since it could have been one of four by that point as they used to sneakily switch off looted property. Well, she knew exactly to whom she should send a message and called for them to come to her office, by dispatching her assistant and the dean of students to fetch them from respective classes. She also called the building services and said to hold off on breaking the lock, since she felt that she could open the locker. Later, when the situation was over, she called me into her office and told me a joke, that the building engineer thought that she knew how to pick locks.
She had me stay in her office with her husband, and we listened to the show unfolding in the main hall of the school building. We had columns along the walls, and whenever she had miscreants caught, they would be forced to stand at attention at the column and listen to her as she paced the room in manner that could rival a drill sergeant. She demanded the key, and they feigned ignorance, and she replied loudly that it was the wrong answer and that was ten demerits each. So, she started again, and one tried to accuse me of squealing, but she turned it on end and said that actually it was the responsibilty of the faculty to inform the pricipal in the event of a theft, so they actually thought it was the teacher who had done it, to cover herself for her own antics. One of the "toughs" actually started to cry and began to grovel saying that they didn't have the key anymore, when she seized upon that and demanded both keys. Needless to say, the keys were gotten within a couple of minutes and brought to her office, while she marched the perpetrators into the dean of students for their punishment. They got a ton of demerits, and had to do service work to redeem them, their parents were notified, etc. It was a serious breach of the honor code, especially with the amount of lying to school officials that went on duing the interrogation.
After that, I found out that she called my mother to tell her what had happened, and about the teacher. She spoke with said teacher, and said teacher never said a word to me that was not couched in fake sweetness, which I saw through, and was gone by the end of the term. This teacher would inappropriately discuss her love life with some of the students, played favorites, and generally was a cliquish person who seemed never to have outgrown high school, despite allegedly having a Masters Degree. Other students didn't get the same level of abusive treatment, and the other child that she really picked on in my year was too afraid to say anything, lest they get their grade downgraded on a whim.
That wasn't the only incident that I had with bullying, and it can frame one's interactions with the outside world if it's not met with a positive outcome, which is more severe when it comes from an authority figure. Many times, the result is internalized, and the bullied are shatterd for years beyond the incident. It's nice to say that kids do bad things and that they feel sorry for what they have done in adult life, but that only suffices to a point, since some of their victims are so profoundly affected by the negative reinforcement of bullying that it does result in drastic action, or robs them from positive interactions later in life. So to assuage their conscience, they feel sorry, and while I have long since forgiven those who bullied me, even those who never apologized, it's not that simple to feel sorry when they have seriously crossed the line. Moreover, some never apologize or feel sorry for their actions, even boasting of their deeds, which is beyond pathetic.
Bullying is not as simple as "kids being kids," rather bullying is a form of abuse that's glossed over in that fashion, something which should not be tolerated in any, way, shape, or form. Yes, we all may have things that we are sorry for having done, but personally, I have never deliberately shattered another to the point of causing profound damage. Perhaps I have lost my temper, or been short with someone when I did not intend to be, focusing more on something that had to do with me, rather than being open to them. So, to equate the two as being in the past and being of equal importance, minimizes the effect of a bully, and indicates that one has never been bullied if thety think that's equal. And, I am not saying this to start an argument, just to explain that it's a much deeper wound than what is apparent or what one lets on as to what's happening in the situation.
And, there's no steteotype to the victim, since it's not always the nerdy, awkward student who is bullied; sometimes, it's a smart, popular kid with a lot going for them who is savaged by words and deeds. With me, if a bully had started anything physical, it would have been finished in two seconds, but the bullies I encountered didn't cross that line, since I was an athletic child, and could easily hold my own, despite being slim. In many ways, the physical level is not as severe, especially if met in kind in return. And, while I do not harp on some of the incidents I have experienced, nor do they control me, I can accurately recall the exact moment when some of the more dramatic incidents occurred. You can forgive, but I doubt that anyone can forget when transgressions occur that are damaging from one's own peer group or from an adult who bullies another. Bullies are pathetic for their deeds, but the ramifications of their actions can profoundly wound another, having the potential to shatter a victim's psyche at a sensitive time in their development.
EDIT: Sorry for the long post, guys, I didn't realize that I had gone on and on like that, but this topic touched a nerve with me.
I remember when I was in 6th grade there was a girl in my class named "Lois" who literally looked like an adult. She was fully developed, and dressed and carried herself like an adult. She was also a little "off"....sort of a "Forest Gump" type. She didn't fit in at all.
Anyway, she was ruthlessly teased for being so "odd". She was adopted (not that that has anything to do with anything...just thought I'd throw it in there), and I think her parents were very loving. On her 12th birthday, her mother invited her whole class over for her birthday party. Only I and one other girl showed up out of over 30 invited. And Lois' mom had really gone all out for the party. It was so sad, and I felt so sorry for Lois. I went home and told my mom and cried.
Children can be so cruel.
Aww, that is sad I agree children can be very cruel.
I was teased and picked on quite a bit, 6-8th grade. I was skipped a grade so I was the youngest, most underdeveloped, skinny, wore braces and a bookworm. Even the music I listened to was considered dorky. The boys didn't notice me.
Yep. In jr high and then in HS. I was tall (5'11" in jr high and 6'1" in HS) and I guess I was a geek. I don't think I was bad looking b/c I had older guys and teachers that were interested in me and I was very much into fashion and my appearance. I was just an easy target because I was not very confrontational.
I was fortunate in that I had a very strong family support system, plus most of my family is tall too. I was also extremely fortunate in that I attended a very large school (graduating class of 1300), so I had plenty of friends and wasn't an outcast (there was a group for everybody). Plus at my height, the compliments far outweighed the nasty comments. (But that doesn't mean I forgot the nasty comments and names.)
I was able to put an end to the bullying, in both cases, by following my father's advice. I caught each of them alone, walked up alongside of them and told them "if they didn't knock the sh*t off, I'm going to kick your ass." It worked, they backed off. Of course they didn't know I was scared sh*tless doing it! LOL
Last edited by TheImportersWife; 04-03-2009 at 08:03 PM..
I used to be victim of bullying, until I beat a bully up, basically I pushed him down to the floor and kicked his belly pretty savagely, for a boy in junior high. I was and still am the kind who usually doesn't get angry, even if being bullied, even if I try hard to get myself angry and I can't get into a fight with somebody if I weren't angry. So bullies thought I was weak, until that day when that unlucky bastard pissed me off (to this day, I still couldn't exactly put my finger on exactly what he did that set me off. Whatever it was, I went berserk....) After that, nobody ever tried to bully me ever. If you want bullying to end, stand up for yourself and fight if necessary, even if you end up being beaten up, just grab one of them, preferably the leader and concentrates on him, it doesn't matter who win or lose the fight, what you need to show is that messing with you carries consequences, even if you ended up paying heavier prices. You absolutely need to show them you WILL fight them and some of them will suffer even if you know you won't win the fight.
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I agree children can be very cruel.
It worked, they backed off. Of course they didn't know I was scared sh*tless doing it! LOL
