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Old 07-03-2009, 01:54 AM
 
253 posts, read 937,047 times
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I don't find this discussed too often but it is a fascinating topic.

Obsessive love or Love addiction.

We talk about addictions to so many other things...traditionally alcohol, hard drugs, gambling, smoking, sex and even food (a legitimate addiction that is quite pervasive) but rarely about the addiction to love. The love addiction condition is definitely not truly about "love" but the unstable behavior is found present in how people with the addiction cope in romantic pairings and attachments. They are obsessive and unstable.

It is considered an actual condition that some suffer with regarding coping skills and functioning in romantic relationships. Here are some descriptions of the Obsessive Love condition or love addiction: LINK

Has anyone here ever dealt with these sorts of emotions or dated/been with someone that fit the actions and mindset described in the link above?

What was your experience like? If you are someone who has behaved this way, do you still suffer with this addiction or have you overcome those obstacles? If you were with someone like this? How did the relationship end or are you still in this kind of relationship? Do you or a partner fit a lot of the symptoms listed in the link? How does that make you feel?

Here are more "symptoms" of obsessive love/love addiction according to a recovery website:

Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:

  • Lack of nurturing and attention when young
  • Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
  • Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
  • Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
  • Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
  • Hidden Pain
  • Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
  • Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
  • Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
  • Depressed
  • Highly manipulative and controlling of others
  • Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
  • Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
  • Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
  • Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
  • Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
  • Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
  • Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
  • Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
  • Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
  • Driven, desperate, frantic personality
  • Confusion of sexual attraction with love. Example (Love at First Sight)
  • Tendency to trade sexual activity for "love" or attachment
  • Existence of a secret "double life"
  • Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
  • Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
  • Defining "wants" as "needs"
  • Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)
  • Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:08 PM
 
Location: East Valley, AZ
3,852 posts, read 8,023,088 times
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So glad you posted this. I was about to create a thread with the exact same topic.

I know I suffer from having a mild obsessive/addictive personality. This is precisely why I am banning myself from getting involved with someone at the moment. When I meet a new person and think (sometimes falsely) we have a connection, I eventually, usually in a short period of time, become attached. No matter how many times I tell myself "don't get attached, don't get attached..." I inevitably do--nothing extreme or odd, most of the attachment is just thoughts running through my head. It's best at this time in my life to NOT get involved with anyone--for obvious reason.

My question is, is this just a phase--maybe the product of excitement from lack of experience? Like many of you know, I'm fairly new to the dating scene, and I don't have a lot of experience with it. Through different situations, I have come to realize my faults when it comes to relationships, and there are a few things I need to change before I move forward--this being one of them. I am still very young, does control like this come with age?

Can anyone relate to this?
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:22 PM
 
Location: pittsburgh
913 posts, read 2,096,006 times
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i can relate.
i fell for someone instantly and it turned out to be my worst nightmare
its hard not to let your emotion out when you really feel somthing
but when you do it makes yourself vulnerable to people and then they can take advantage of you
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:28 PM
 
2,191 posts, read 4,088,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AsymptoticFaery View Post
Obsessive love or Love addiction.

Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:

  • Lack of nurturing and attention when young
  • Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
  • Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
  • Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
Awww shucks, you didnt need to create an entire thread about how you feel about me. But no really, I met a girl (I use the word girl because she definitely wasnt a woman) a few years back who I mistakenly had an interest in at that point in time. She most definitely lacked attention, caring, and nurturing when she was growing up. She at the time was in a long distance relationship with a guy who was very abusive, cheated on her, treated her like crap, etc... I grew interested in her and she knew that I was a very nice, caring, intelligent guy who would treat her just splendidly. We became friends, and after awhile I made it known flat out that I wanted to be more than friends. She completely rejected me. Its amazing to me but something mentally told her that it was normal to be treated like crap, and she didnt want anything to do with a guy who was going to treat her properly. I think she feared actually being loved and shown compassion. There is also the possibility that she had no idea what she wanted out of life. It was uncanny because she somehow knew when she got closer to me and let me really look into her eyes a few times that I could see she was just a frightened little girl. I guess she didnt deem herself a good enough person to want compassion and help.

Anyhow my point in posting this is that I feel those bullets listed above go beyond just being addicted to love and perhaps suggest that they have mental complications as well. People who dont receive good nurturing as a child will grow up to have an abundance of problems. I definitely dont view those people as crazy or beyond help, but it certainly complicates matters when you try to get close to them (if they let you).
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:16 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,062 times
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I have an unusual situation . I was seeing a pastor for counseling. He said he was familiar with PTSD which he thought I had. It went okay until I was in a Bible study with him and he started criticizing someone who was looking at me, embarrasing me and the other person. He would also interrupt whenever I was conversing with someone else in public or in one instance, would not leave when I was in an intense conversation with another gentleman. He had this look that I would call a stare and a look of obsession. This was common even in public situations. I will add that he was married and so was I. It got to where I was very uncomfortable with him. I did confront him about it and others issues and it got very bad! This behavior seemed to be strange to me but others just seem to not be bothered with this!! Any feedback?
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Old 06-04-2015, 03:22 PM
 
705 posts, read 445,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gbgerri View Post
I have an unusual situation . I was seeing a pastor for counseling. He said he was familiar with PTSD which he thought I had. It went okay until I was in a Bible study with him and he started criticizing someone who was looking at me, embarrasing me and the other person. He would also interrupt whenever I was conversing with someone else in public or in one instance, would not leave when I was in an intense conversation with another gentleman. He had this look that I would call a stare and a look of obsession. This was common even in public situations. I will add that he was married and so was I. It got to where I was very uncomfortable with him. I did confront him about it and others issues and it got very bad! This behavior seemed to be strange to me but others just seem to not be bothered with this!! Any feedback?

I would stay away from this guy. Seems like he has obsession with you and wants you to keep his attention on him. I think he is a creeper...enough though he is a pastor.
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Old 06-04-2015, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Texas
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I feel like most "normal" people grow out of it as they get older and gain some perspective. My first major crush turned my world upside down.
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Old 06-05-2015, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,744,086 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Philosophizer View Post
I feel like most "normal" people grow out of it as they get older and gain some perspective. My first major crush turned my world upside down.
how do you know?

It's part of a person's personality. You usually don't grow out of it. If you are a loner, you most likely were it even as a child. If you love obsessively, you will love like this forever.

That's my personal experience. If I love, I love 200% and my style has not changed from age 15 - 38
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Old 06-05-2015, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,549 posts, read 3,502,401 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
how do you know?

It's part of a person's personality. You usually don't grow out of it. If you are a loner, you most likely were it even as a child. If you love obsessively, you will love like this forever.

That's my personal experience. If I love, I love 200% and my style has not changed from age 15 - 38
I have some of the stuff on the list. But not all of it. Usually, I tended to develop strong infatuations for people in media. Could have been movies, books, shows. I would develop crushes-either on celebs, or the characters, and it was obsessive. I think that's called Limerence, which I believe is a more severe from of infatuation. My friend did it too.

Apparently, it's just in my personality, and make-up to be such. I have had obsessive feelings since I was 8. And it still happens even now.The number of guys I had these feelings for is pretty high.

I was always more of a loner. I was more sociable when I was younger, and tried putting myself out there. It was ok, but nothing too lasting. Then I just embraced being a loner in HS. So usually, aside from family, I was my source of company.

Some people are just that way. They don't have to be nuts, or dangerous. Just when they develop of crush or any romantic feelings, it just takes over. They can function in life, but they get preoccupied with whomever it is they like at the time. Usually the feelings are temporary. Eventually crushes fade. Usually when a new one comes along lol

I won't give names. But had a DM discussion with another member on this forum who is the same way. So it effects a good number of people.
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Old 05-08-2016, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Hyde Park, Los Angeles
1,544 posts, read 602,314 times
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I too can relate, as both the giver and receiver.

This started in 1996 when I was a 6th grader. This guy (who eventually became one of my buddies) played a joke on me, pretending to be my boyfriend. I believed him, too. It got to a point where I had to have him at all costs. Fast forward to high school; I still wanted him even then, only to realize that there was no point to catch a fish that wouldn't be worth the catch. I gave up my pursuit of getting him to love me and just focused on getting through my junior year.

I was the object of some guy's affection in 2008. After exchanging numbers, he called me during class wanting to meet up with me for sex. I objected, he pitched a fit, and I gave in. Same thing happened a week later, and I dumped him as a result. Even after I moved on, he still kept calling me so he can get me back. It got to a point where I had dreams about my impending demise if I returned to this guy. After refusing his offers, he'd blow up my phone or leave obscene voicemails. At some point, he simply gave up on pursuing me. Years later, I ran into him at a local library. Some jerk pissed me off and I told him about it, explaining that I don't like evil people. He then proceeded to apologize to me for being evil to me when we were together.
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