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Old 02-14-2017, 04:34 PM
 
1,081 posts, read 435,201 times
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Academic curiosity. I'm trying to understand without experiencing, and to learn by observing others' mistakes how to avoid making my own.
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Old 02-14-2017, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Fairfax, VA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
What keeps me going? Ego, selfishness, imagination and the desire to achieve. There are many, many more important things in life than the ridiculous notion of 'love' that we're all force fed from the cradle. It holds no interest for me, I have no plans to seek it out and I pray to God it won't find me.
Sounds like a guy more desperate for love than anything else.
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Old 02-14-2017, 04:45 PM
 
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Or not. The less time and effort you invest in someone else, the more of those things you'll have for yourself and your goals. The kindest thing I could do for anyone who came to me with stars in her eyes and all sorts of happily-ever-after fantasies is find out which secure mental health facility she's escaped from and send her back there
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Old 02-14-2017, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
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I haven't been single all my life as a matter of fact the only reason I am single now is because my fiancé passed away almost 3 months ago. I had a nervous breakdown due to bottling up my grief and had to go into therapy for it. What keeps me going is trying to see the positive in life while living in a hateful world. That's what will keep me going in life regardless.
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Old 02-14-2017, 05:07 PM
 
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I'm 35 so a little younger. Haven't been in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship for almost a decade now. I used to have a notion of getting married, having a family, but now it seems those days are past. So I just enjoy the company of different ladies casually.

I have freedom to move around and travel. It's a great thing actually. Completely free to do as you want to.
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Old 02-14-2017, 08:57 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,022 posts, read 16,955,449 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scribbles76 View Post
Or not. The less time and effort you invest in someone else, the more of those things you'll have for yourself and your goals. The kindest thing I could do for anyone who came to me with stars in her eyes and all sorts of happily-ever-after fantasies is find out which secure mental health facility she's escaped from and send her back there
As a species, we are hard-wired by our evolution to pair up in male/female pairs for reproduction and mutual support, and indeed many couples bond for a life-time "until death do us part", just as others do not survive the initial bond and fall "out" of love. But this hard-wiring is not so rigid that all individuals follow it to the same degree, or even at all. It would be one thing if you simply acknowledged that you do not feel that imperative and much prefer life as a loner.

However, your extremism is both puzzling and instructive. Above, you label someone who desires what the majority of humanity desires as mentally ill, in all apparent obliviousness to what that says about you. The lack of desire for pair-bonding is one thing, but the militant stance against it is another altogether.

In childhood, did you experience the pair-bond of your parents or perhaps of your caretakers as a hell on earth? That would certainly explain being dead-set against it.
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:45 PM
 
1,081 posts, read 435,201 times
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That was a joke . I begrudge no-one a pair-bonded life if that's what they want and would only declare them a sandwich or two short of a picnic hamper if they sought it out with me.

Fair play to you re: evolutionary hard wiring. I'll respond, also in semi-jest, by pointing out that biology was my worst subject at school and I don't owe it a damned thing. I hope to be remembered for my work rather than my DNA.

I have no memory of my parents as a couple. They separated when I was very young so my mother and grandparents 'circled the wagons' and did the best job raising me that they could. It was a very close family unit, but also very insular. I had no need to seek love or acceptance outside the protective little bubble because they gave me more than I knew what to do with. Albeit in an undemonstrative, non-tactile way that left me ill at ease with displays of physical affection, but I find I'm mellowing with age.

Now I'm free of that and living life on my own terms, my independence is worth more to me than any romantic relationship. I'm every bit as stubborn as my late mother and I can't imagine compromising my lifestyle or long term goals for anyone.

Also, if you read as much Ruth Rendell as I did in my late teens and through my twenties, you'll form a very different view of couples and how they work from the one Hollywood spoon feeds us. Unhealthy co-dependence with a smile drawn on and that's being kind. Am I wrong to avoid that sort of situation, or even the possibility of it?

Let's assume for a moment I had a change of heart and/or mind and decided to make room for a wife and family. I would of course put their needs ahead of mine because it's the right thing to do. I would then quietly resent them and hate myself for it. Is that any way to go through life?
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Old 02-14-2017, 10:04 PM
 
Location: El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río Porciúncula
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Let's have a birthday party for this topic! It's 8 years old!

1. Internet dating

2. porn sites

3. posting to topics like this one
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Old 02-15-2017, 02:37 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
16,485 posts, read 20,022,997 times
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I've had one awesome, soulmate-like roommate the past 17 years, no sex, and after all these years I feel like we're married. And then there's my leash-trained ferret for additional company. What more could one ask for?

Lifeflong single's may have heard of too many hair-raising divorce tales, eavesdropped on conversations of married co-workers, along the way, and got scared off!

Bear in mind, you could be in a disastrous marriage, and have felt single along, being married!
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Illinois
3,003 posts, read 1,259,959 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
In childhood, did you experience the pair-bond of your parents or perhaps of your caretakers as a hell on earth? That would certainly explain being dead-set against it.
This was probably directed at the OP, rather than me, but yes. My anti-pair bonding stance came in stages:

1. While I was growing up, heated arguments happened almost weekly. I had to play marriage counselor at age 13 .
2. I had a relationship in 2009, where my girlfriend, despite being very nice and sweet, had a pretty bad case of baby rabies .
3. During a bad relationship, 2011 -- 2013, my girlfriend bossed me around and emotionally abused me .
4. The final nail in the coffin came last year: my friends settled down, and got joined at the hip with their fiancees 24/7/365 .
5. The message "happy wife, happy life" gets pushed ad nauseam. What about happy husband? Nobody cares .

What keeps me going? That being single, despite its flaws, is heads-and-shoulder better than a relationship. That, and Meetup. It's been a lifesaver for my social life. If it ever folds and nothing replaces it, I'll have no choice but to settle down.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-15-2017 at 11:12 AM..
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