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Old 10-05-2009, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,406 posts, read 8,990,415 times
Reputation: 2014

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A little background to explain my post. I've spent a large part of the past 10 years being a spousal caregiver. Now with us separated and her living in an Assisted Living facility, I find myself alone quite often. Of course, after such a length of time without being able to be in contact with family or other people, including those at work, I don't have any close relationships with any other people. The only close social contacts I've had over the past few years has been with older, retired couples that are much older than me and obviously with completely different interests and levels of activity.

Looking forward into middle age, with no family or a spouse to speak of, and with the financial future looking bleak at best (see my other topic Spousal Impoverishment for more details), I don't see much to look forward to. I certainly have a hard time going through the motions everyday without any real purpose. I'm beginning to hate eating alone, going out alone, and trying to find activities to do that can be done alone.

So, that's the premise of my post. For those guys who are pretty much relegated to being single forever, what keeps you going? What makes life interesting to you? What do you do to keep from going nuts and climbing the walls? Do you ever get over being lonely? Do you miss having a sexual relationship, or do you find ways to have a sex life somehow?
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Old 10-05-2009, 07:39 PM
 
11,672 posts, read 13,870,759 times
Reputation: 19019
Why are you relegated to being alone? Did I misunderstand when you said you are separated from your wife now? If you are truly separated, what keeps you from going out and meeting people?
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Old 10-05-2009, 07:59 PM
 
3,877 posts, read 4,402,503 times
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Theryes still friends and family that give me companionship,i dont understand people who think if youre single you shouldbe miserable..
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Old 10-05-2009, 08:40 PM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,520,978 times
Reputation: 19578
It seems like maybe the OP is separated because his wife is in an assisted living facility, I think. Not sure.
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Old 10-05-2009, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,565 posts, read 42,398,375 times
Reputation: 24873
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
It seems like maybe the OP is separated because his wife is in an assisted living facility, I think. Not sure.
Why can't he live with her?
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Old 10-05-2009, 08:59 PM
 
3,111 posts, read 6,741,089 times
Reputation: 4244
I have been single for 10 years. No relationships at all during that time. I do have sexual relationships for brief periods of time, but nothing more.

As far as how I cope with being alone, I suppose I am used to it. Maybe too used to the single life. I value my time alone.

I usually throw myself into work or school, as that is what keeps me going.

I know how you feel, and you will either adapt, or move on.
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Old 10-05-2009, 09:03 PM
 
2,639 posts, read 5,056,610 times
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All are valid questions and considerations - but none of them contribute to the OP's question.

OP - My situation is polar opposite from yours...I'm single by choice, I choose not to play the games females want males to play, chasing after them like puppy dogs so they can pick and choose at will with total disregard to the feelings of others. There are three things that keep me going, if you will.

1: self-preservation. Keeping myself protected from the nonsense of females is an instinct. I've always protected myself on other things; this is just another measure.

2: Success. I work hard at a very good company, and am acknowledged for the work that I do. I throw myself in feet first and don't look back.

3: Growth. When I first hit 30 I felt like a pale shadow of my former self, and in truth I'm nowhere near the physical specimen I used to be. But mentally I just get better and better...of course, that doesn't matter to females, if you don't look like Fabio in his prime...but still.

IN short, focusing on myself and reaching the goals I've set for myself distracts me quite well from relationships or dating.
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,406 posts, read 8,990,415 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
Why can't he live with her?
Not allowed. You have to be at least 55. They will not waiver any on this criteria. Also, depending on the facility, you usually have to have a medical condition that would warrant your placement there.
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:31 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,402,860 times
Reputation: 47449
the pleasure i derive from disappointing my enemies.
the promise is life long trust companionship family respect a sense of belonging sex and love & stability.
biggest and most ruthless con outside of a used car lot.
the shameless part is your church friends and family are all in on the con.
and when you cry out for their help
as your world is dismantled by lawyers, "hey i never told you to marry her".
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:40 AM
 
Location: Wichita,Kansas
2,731 posts, read 5,936,312 times
Reputation: 1328
I drink ALOT...but seriously it can be tough but im focused on getting back in shape,working on career..
Taking care of money issues.I would like to be in a relationship but that doesnt seem likely at the moment.
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