U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-22-2012, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,279,843 times
Reputation: 22814

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
but people DO and CAN change as they get older
Yes, we do. Usually for the worse.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-22-2012, 10:11 PM
 
6,474 posts, read 10,074,210 times
Reputation: 6331
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Dr Phil??? Really???
There's really one thing that he's said that holds true:

"You teach people how to treat you."

Regardless of how you feel about the man, this is one comment that holds a lot of TRUTH.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 10:55 PM
 
1,157 posts, read 2,299,839 times
Reputation: 3401
Quote:
Originally Posted by valeeighty2 View Post
Once a cheater, always a cheater... I know this from personal experience...

I totally disagree- I know this from personal experience
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-24-2012, 01:24 AM
 
14,752 posts, read 27,621,226 times
Reputation: 8737
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
I totally disagree- I know this from personal experience
On cheating:
some continue being cheaters for a lifetime
others realize they need to grow up and stop doing it
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-24-2012, 04:08 AM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
12,243 posts, read 8,175,909 times
Reputation: 8686
Quote:
Originally Posted by marilyn220 View Post
There's really one thing that he's said that holds true:

"You teach people how to treat you."

Regardless of how you feel about the man, this is one comment that holds a lot of TRUTH.

People are going to treat you however they want too. It's up to you if you let them get away with it or not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-24-2012, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Austin
773 posts, read 1,018,825 times
Reputation: 936
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
On cheating:
some continue being cheaters for a lifetime
others realize they need to grow up and stop doing it
Depending on the stats in the studies you read, anywhere between 40 and 70 percent of men purportedly cheat in their marriage. Women are way up there, too. Who knows what the real numbers are? I don't know if there's any way to actually conduct a study like this in which people are totally honest about their behavior. It's fair to assume that the lowest percentage you read about isn't truly reflective of reality.

That means that if you get married, there's a pretty fair chance that your spouse will inevitably cheat. It's such a crap shoot. Today, I cannot imagine a circumstance in which I'd cheat on a S.O. or spouse. The mere idea is abhorrent to me. But I could also be kidding myself, too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2014, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Placerville, CA
84 posts, read 75,537 times
Reputation: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
I find this to be true. Anyone want to share stories of the truth of this idea (to predict future behavior , look to past behavior) or on the other hand, stories of the falseness of this, maybe someone changed thier behavior. What's on my mind is infidelity. thank-you for your responses.
Every situation is different. I have found over the years that you can't just categorize people and fit them all neatly into little boxes. Every individual's story is personal and unique.

In some cases, the person who cheated did so because it was simply in their nature to do so. They were out looking for a good time and found it, unsurprisingly, in all the usual places.

Others may have found themselves stuck in a loveless marriage that they were desperately trying to hold together for the sake of the children, and against their own beliefs and wishes, they found themselves hopelessly and helplessly drawn to someone whom, unlike their cold, neglectful and perhaps even somewhat abusive spouse, they could talk to about anything and everything under the sun.

Others still may have been trapped into marriage by a calculating female at an age where they were absolutely not ready for it. You can argue that the young man in question shouldn't have believed that his girlfriend was using some sort of contraceptive, and should have taken responsibility himself for preventing an unwanted pregnancy, which may very well be true, but at the end of the day, you're still left with the cold, harsh reality that he is now responsible for the welfare of a child who needs him when he is little more than a child himself. He may try to do the responsible thing, and make the best of it, but again - he's only human, and a young one at that.

None of this is an excuse, and two wrongs don't make a right, but human nature is what it is, and people will sometimes find themselves falling into a trap that they just can't seem to find the inner strength to avoid for whatever reason.

In the case of the person whose nature it is to go looking for a good time outside of the marital bed, it is a pretty safe bet that they will continue this behavior in the future. In the case of the person stuck in a loveless marriage that they are trying to hold together for the sake of the children, they may have a completely different response to cold, neglectful and/or abusive behavior from a spouse once the children are grown and gone and they are better able to just leave. A man who is fully adult and ready for marriage to someone he truly loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with is probably going to be a faithful husband, regardless of his past.

Time changes all things. Circumstances and people can and do change. Look at the whole picture before making a decision about someone with whom you are considering spending your life. And if you're not considering spending your life with the individual in question, then maybe it's best to reserve judgment about a person in whose shoes you have never walked. Just accept that they are human and let it go at that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2014, 04:34 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,135,132 times
Reputation: 9787
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
I'm a big believer in "don't listen to what he (or she) says, watch what he (or she) does". People say a lot of things to cover their @sses, but it's just lip service unless they follow through with their actions.
This is true to a certain extent, but sometimes people tell you things and they really mean it.

If someone tells you that you deserve someone better or they don't want a commitment...Believe them. Sometimes they may act like they want a relationship, but they really don't.

When someone tells you they are a jerk, believe them. Even if they are treating you well at the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2014, 04:40 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,135,132 times
Reputation: 9787
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Ive never cheated on my SO in any relationship, despite insane opportunities that still occasionaly haunt me today. Ive been cheated on several times however, and each time I ended the relationship right away, without hesitation. I had no idea women cheat so much more than men. Shame.
I've been cheated on repeatedly, and I would NEVER cheat and I am a female. Cheating does not have anything to do with gender.

It wasn't until I changed how I picked a mate that I found someone who wasn't a cheater. If you routinely end up with cheaters, you need to reflect on why that is.

Ugh! Just noticed this is an old thread.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top