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Old 01-08-2010, 10:19 PM
 
Location: In my skin
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In reading this from a site I actually posted for someone yesterday. I know it is not an easy task to get an abuser to change, but I never really thought of it this way.

From What Recovering Batterers Want You To Know About Abuse and Violence

"Are batterers curable? Yes, if they're serious about learning to live a violence-free lifestyle. The potential to go to power, control, and violence never ends, which is why they are still considered batterers even when nonviolent, but it doesn't have to be acted on."

I think this question is best answered by those who have actually educated themselves about domestic violence and abuse. Do you believe that abusers are like addicts? They will always be abusers, even if they get it under control, like alcoholics, for example?
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:28 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
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They could be like addicts, they could be curable. I don't look at from the perspective of the abuser, but focus on the victim. IMO, there not worth the time and effort, but I'm certain some woman would like to convince themselves of the possibility.
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:35 PM
 
Location: In my skin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
They could be like addicts, they could be curable. I don't look at from the perspective of the abuser, but focus on the victim. IMO, there not worth the time and effort, but I'm certain some woman would like to convince themselves of the possibility.
I know, I feel the same way. At the same time, I really love to read the success stories.
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:37 PM
 
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I say yes, many guys who have a history of physically abusing women, will have a future of physically abusing women. Or getting railed in prison, which ever comes first.
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jays1983 View Post
I say yes, many guys who have a history of physically abusing women, will have a future of physically abusing women. Or getting railed in prison, which ever comes first.
ohh I hope that railed thing happens to my ex-husband! lol
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:49 PM
 
Location: syracuse ny
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Who are people who have "educated themselves"?
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitwishes View Post
ohh I hope that railed thing happens to my ex-husband! lol
If a male beats a woman, he's not usually dominant within the male species. So yes, he's most likely taking a ride in PoundTown.
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:54 PM
 
Location: In my skin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by optiflex View Post
Who are people who have "educated themselves"?
Exactly what it says, not really sure how else to put it.
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Old 01-09-2010, 02:40 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate View Post
I know, I feel the same way. At the same time, I really love to read the success stories.
The problem is the majority don't seek help through therapy on their own, it's more or less imposed on them by the judicial system. They could fall into a number of categories, mental health, alcoholic, drugs, learned behavior, the cowardly lion syndrome, narcissist, sociopath or a combination. The educators are there to teach them how to manage their behavior patterns and anger pretty much, not to make a diagnoses. Private therapy would be the ideal along with the imposed judicial classes, but I couldn't say how often that happens.

Victims could come from a combination of problems too, but she's the one more than likely to seek the therapy or introspection to make the personal adjustments. Victims Services offer the option of private therapists at no cost, it's up to her to pursue. IMO to even think along the lines of curable for a victim is disaster. I know I don't have to tell you, your involved with them, they don't need much encouragement to return to start with, and keeps them focused on fixing him. A true blue victim wants to fix him at all cost. (And it's still sad for me to think, I was one of these women at one point in my life)

The problems epidemic. I don't have the answers. If these guys can be "cured", by all means they should make every effort to make it happen for them self and their quality of life and future relationships. Cripes, what guy in his right mind would want to be this way. Don't answer that PTC.
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Old 01-09-2010, 08:21 AM
 
Location: NC
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Maybe, but is it really worth the risk? I think if people have violent tendencies in their nature they will always have those tendencies and while they may be able to control them they are still there. If one is in a relationship with an abuser, even if they are able to control it most of the time, there is always the risk that something, anything (especially if booze is involved) could go wrong so that they resume their violent tendencies. In which case the results can be dire in an almost unimaginable number of ways.
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