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Old 03-18-2010, 12:33 PM
 
Location: New England
914 posts, read 1,560,483 times
Reputation: 925

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morphous01 View Post
I think you're right tuteishungry, the thing is, not everybody is raised in a home that develops self worth and helps them develop a high self esteem so it's not automatically fixed when they become an adult.

In fact, I think in this day and age, we are living in a time period where the over all self esteem of humanity is quite low due to the fact that people today feel the need to BUY there self worth through designer clothes, large homes, and endless cosmetic surgeries.

That's real talk, buddy. However, I was not raised to learn self-worth either. Everyone can't blame their short-comings as being an unfortunate product of environment.
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:05 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,438,263 times
Reputation: 7527
Quote:
Originally Posted by tuteishungry View Post
I have plenty of lady friends who take that bad relationship and let it affect them in a negative way.
As a guy (and I suspect other guys feel this way too), I often feel like I'm being penalized for the behavior of other men. If a woman has had enough guys treat her like dirt, she starts to worry that they're all like that. So she becomes jaded and cynical, looking for signs that the guy in front of her is just like the others. When I meet a woman for the first time, I try to make a good impression. But that isn't easy if she's already conditioned to suspect that you might be a jerk.
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:34 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,277 posts, read 73,519,275 times
Reputation: 47588
to be fair, i dont think low self esteem is a girl thing, and to chid people about it would be of little avail as self esteem -for the most part- is permanent and unadjustable.
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:48 PM
 
662 posts, read 1,640,908 times
Reputation: 990
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway View Post
Factor in age, also, dear. Now in my 30s I could easily get over the negative. In my younger 20s it was a different story.
Oh can I get an "AMEN" to that?
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:50 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,062 posts, read 16,040,234 times
Reputation: 3691
Well, the original thread is a bit glib. It's quite natural to feel badly when a relationship falters and that has absolutely nothing to do with low self-esteem. It's the cost of connecting with other humans.

Take a look at the flagrant double-standards at work all over the place on this forum! You see people bragging on the number and variety of their sexual encounters and then many of the same people chiding others for "giving it up" too soon. You notice people talking about their dates and handling things poorly -- well, this is the type of thing you encounter when you're dating and only a robot would remain unaffected by it. Hopefully, you learn and move on but that can be easier said than done.

I'm an independent, confident woman with good self-esteem. But my last relationship did affect me when it abruptly ended. You DO second-guess yourself. Do you let it rule you? No. But it still remains part of your life experience and to deny that it has some effect is delusion.
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Old 03-18-2010, 03:33 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
2,665 posts, read 3,376,629 times
Reputation: 578
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
Well, the original thread is a bit glib. It's quite natural to feel badly when a relationship falters and that has absolutely nothing to do with low self-esteem. It's the cost of connecting with other humans.
exactly! Virtually all want some degree of feeling wanted or desired; even if unrealistic and feel bad when a relationship ends or is not as close as desired. Either end of the extreme; low or overly high self-esteem (narcissism) could be considered unhealthy. Life's a balance.
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Old 03-18-2010, 04:06 PM
 
3,440 posts, read 7,138,917 times
Reputation: 2382
Quote:
Originally Posted by andreaspercheron View Post
Well said. You are clearly a woman who is sure of herself, confident and understanding about the dating / relationship game.
Yea, tute is pretty tough... I can tell.
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Old 03-18-2010, 04:39 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,438,263 times
Reputation: 7527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joei View Post
Read the thread which was closed.
I can't imagine why it was closed.
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Old 03-18-2010, 05:31 PM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,075,275 times
Reputation: 15245
Quote:
Originally Posted by tuteishungry View Post
Quick question: Why do so many women on here sound like the biggest sucker when it comes to men? Seriously, if the guy doesn't text you back, don't sulk over it. If a guy hooks up with you and you ultimately never talk to him again, don't cry. And if a guy is giving you the run around and playing games, why go with it?

Get some self esteem women, you're all looking like a bunch of unconfident single lifers.

I'm not bashing anyone specific either, the more I read these forums, the less anyone can do to help with all their replies. Everyone has baggage, but you really can't expect all these guys you're "dating" to be something special. The problem is expecting something in the first place. Communication people! If it's not mutual then it's not worth it, right?

Boom-Pow.
Boom-pow is right. Once you've dated a few people, you learn that some stand by what they say, and others are just blowing smoke.

My favorite dilemma, which I am so glad I don't have to deal with anymore because I'm in a relationship, is the ever popular call to plan a date.

"I'll call you sometime." Whatever.

"I'll call you this week." Yeah, fine.

"I'll call you this week and we can figure out something for Saturday." Hmmmm.

"I'll call you this week and we can figure out something for Saturday, so leave it open for me?" Now you're talking.

"Hey, Disturbed is playing next Saturday and I've got tickets. Wanna go? I'll call you this week and we can figure out logistics--if you want to grab a bite first or what." Take me, I'm yours.

If. Ever the big IF. Because the more someone says, the more it's reasonable to expect him to live up to it, and if he doesn't, the more grounds for annoyance. But the more vague someone is, the less it matters, and the less it should matter to you. Just go on about your business and if he likes you, he'll let you know.

The problem is that people get hung up on the vague stuff.

And men do it, too.
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Old 03-18-2010, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
2,058 posts, read 2,850,227 times
Reputation: 1572
Quote:
Originally Posted by teatime View Post
It's quite natural to feel badly when a relationship falters.
yes. but I think the op is saying that half the time it isn't even a relationship, the woman just wants it to be because she's so wrapped up in the value of being in a couple. And I agree.


(don't mean to speak for you here tuteishungry, correct me if I'm wrong)
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