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Old 03-22-2010, 05:35 PM
Location: Griffin, Georgia
747 posts, read 1,750,589 times
Reputation: 704


Does anyone on this board have super, major overprotective parents that like border on insanity? Please, no replies to the tune of "oh they just love you" "you've never had kids" and "they're just looking out for your best interests". All of that is BS. There IS a middle ground here. Well , let me tell you a story. Mine are out trying to harass my fiance about his credit report and want to know all the details. They have actually driven by his house without my knowledge just to "check him out"! and get this, snooped in his mailbox. That is a federal offense btw! I could not make this stuff up if I tried. My mom wrote him a long (three page letter) grilling him about his intentions, stuff in his yard, is he legally divorced, blah blah blah, you WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT. Anyone who has time to harass their daughter's fiance (whom we know indefinetely is NOT a convivted felon or child molester, etc, etc.) about their credit report and actually want him to fill out some form that will give permission to release this info (I forget exactly) has too much d*mn time on their hands and desparetly needs a life or something even if it means a new hobby or two. If there were some concrete evidence (and I mean concrete evidence) that he was an ex-con or something, yes I could see the concern but even then it doesn't justify snooping into mailboxes. I know he is p-oed about this too. I am so fed up. If there are any insanely overprotective parents out there please do us a favor and get over yourselves. Let God and let go so us grown kids can live a sane life for ourselves. Unless someone is legally declared mentally incompetent you have the right to live your d*mn life however you please and not answer to anyone who is not the IRS, government or law enforcement. Parents are not suppposed to rule over us into our 30s and 40s. Sad.
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:41 PM
Location: Way up high
14,072 posts, read 20,170,095 times
Reputation: 14320
How old are you??
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Old 03-22-2010, 05:43 PM
Location: Griffin, Georgia
747 posts, read 1,750,589 times
Reputation: 704
32. I recently read an article about overprotective parenting in Psychology Today and it was spot on.
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:20 PM
4,899 posts, read 16,265,072 times
Reputation: 3790
i feel for you, as i have the very same type of parents. in fact they are so overbearing, we actually moved 500 miles away from them! it was the only thing i could think of to get away from the oppression. i tried talking, arguing and fighting and none of it got through to them. i feel like i have accomplished so much in the past 3 years since i don't have them hovering over me....
i am not saying you should do the same. but i do empathize...
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:22 PM
519 posts, read 892,500 times
Reputation: 703
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I have the opposite problem.

I think you need the witness protection program, I would run away if I were you - but with parents like yours I'm sure they would move heaven and earth to track you down.

What a nightmare.
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:28 PM
Location: Salt Lake City
963 posts, read 1,755,001 times
Reputation: 961
Wow! I thought that my parents were overprotective, especially in regard to my sister, but they had nothing on your parents.

I believe you are right about the snooping into someone else's mail being a federal crime. Have you told them how much it bothers you what they are doing? If not, perhaps sit down with them and tell them that while you appreciate their concern for you, they are just taking things too far. You are a grown woman at 32, and entitled to live your own life, make your own decisions and live with the consequences of those decisions, good or bad.

If they did want to check up on the guy and find out if he has any skeletons in his closet, they could have gone to a private investigator for that sort of thing, but they should ask your permission before doing so. Going through his mail is really going too far.
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Old 03-22-2010, 06:30 PM
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 13,251,366 times
Reputation: 3740
Oh, I am so sorry, I totally feel your pain. My mom would be that overprotective if I let her. I hope your financee does turn tail and run. I have lost more than one bf because My mom's overprotectiveness. It took a LOT of yelling, fights, etc. but I am proud to say that at the ripe old age of 41 she allows me to call her only once a day to tell her I'm alive.

(After I listened to her cry over the phone for a month asking me to come home (1700 miles wasn't far enough)) Yes, I feel your pain.
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:45 PM
22,770 posts, read 25,224,244 times
Reputation: 14506
Originally Posted by smoky_topaz View Post
Does anyone on this board have super, major overprotective parents that like border on insanity?

no, but i've seen the aftermath
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Old 03-22-2010, 07:59 PM
4,805 posts, read 19,589,036 times
Reputation: 4933
OK, you do realize that you don't have to do anything that anybody wants you to, right? Because you are an adult in a free country. It sounds like you are acting like you are still a teenager that needs your parents approval. You say you want them to leave you alone, but where's the action to back it up?

If I were your fiance, I would be more pissed off at you, than them. They do not know boundaries, but you aren't being assertive enough and putting your foot down once and for all.

You need to tell them, without any equivocation, that if they don't like the choices you've made in life, they don't have to spend time with you. You need to tell them that the next time they trespass on private property and open other people's mail, you will call the police and have them arrested. Refuse to discuss your choice of a spouse. If they bring it up, get up and leave. Or throw them out of your house.

And then, elope. Move away, where they can't drive by and spy on you. Get a PO Box. YOU are the one who has to set boundaries of what is acceptable in your life.
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Old 03-23-2010, 05:50 AM
4,379 posts, read 4,280,985 times
Reputation: 1612
OP, move away. if you are 32 you shouldn't be living at home anyhow, without good reason.
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