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Old 04-25-2010, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,036,129 times
Reputation: 6654

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I had a friend who annoys me no end at times say this too me.

I consider a controlling person, someone who reach into other peoples lives and control them.
I make an effort to keep my environment stabilized because of the reality that I suffer from anxiety. I keep certain people out of my life, I avoid certain circumstances and that makes me controlling??

She accused my daughter of being controlling because there is a family situation going on at the moment, my daughter knows there is something up and wants to be told but its such a HUGE problem, I have not discussed it with her for her own protection. I don't keep everything from her, but I see it as a my responsibility to be a filter.
My daughter of course is curious like any kid and wants to know when I am having a conversation with my friend regarding this situation. Does that make my daughter controlling??

I just don't see it that way. What kind of person wouldn't be curious if you had a feeling that something was going on that effects you but you didn't know what it was?

I also just don't get what kind of person doesn't try to maintain some kind of handle on their own life and environment for their own well being and that of my daughter...that makes me controlling??

MY own Mother called me controlling when (as an adult and single Mother of a young child), I was trying to keep my brother out of my business so I could live my own life with my child.

What is your definition of being controlling?
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Old 04-25-2010, 12:04 PM
 
25,947 posts, read 25,878,738 times
Reputation: 26678
Attempting to manipulate people to do what you want or fit a certain lifestyle or preconceived agenda which is not condusive to their personality or lifestyle. It is an action not a thought.

ETA: Placing certain or specific restrictions on a person or person's behavior they must adhere to or abide by as a condition of 'friendship' (for lack of a better word).
'

Last edited by Thursday007; 04-25-2010 at 12:22 PM..
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Boston, MA
153 posts, read 206,394 times
Reputation: 113
From what you described I wouldn't call your daughter controlling.....My daughter Has big ears and its hard to keep things from her......Contolling NO.......curious YES.

My idea of controlling is based on my ex and what he did:
Not letting me have space, not giving me privacy, checking up on everything I did, always doing what he wanted......stuff like that.
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Old 04-26-2010, 06:59 PM
 
4,379 posts, read 4,274,327 times
Reputation: 1612
All persons need space. Being controlling is a violation of that space.

nobody should have, nor should need, manipulative people in their lives.
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:07 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,868 posts, read 13,847,311 times
Reputation: 8720
It is our job as parents to be that filter for our children. We have to maintain order and, yes, a level of control over the environment they are in. This, of course, includes you and your challenges/environment, if you expect to have quality of life and order for the family unit. I don't think that is controlling, like a personality flaw. You know what is best given your situation.
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Old 04-26-2010, 07:20 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,710 posts, read 22,767,205 times
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Controllers are rigid theres never room for flexibility, they orchestrate everything around them, manipulate and pressure, they can't handle life any other way.
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:20 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,876 posts, read 7,236,264 times
Reputation: 7434
These acts you describe don't seem controlling, but maybe there's more to this than you're letting on, or know about.

I suspect there is more depth to this story......................
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:25 AM
 
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,415,357 times
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yes that is why they call them parents, they control children until they control themselves.
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:22 AM
 
22,770 posts, read 25,192,517 times
Reputation: 14506
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I keep certain people out of my life, I avoid certain circumstances and that makes me controlling??
yes it is, and i think that is OK.

however, if someone whose opinion you respect is telling you this, you may be too controlling.
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:28 AM
 
Location: Homeless
1,203 posts, read 1,692,003 times
Reputation: 511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I had a friend who annoys me no end at times say this too me.

I consider a controlling person, someone who reach into other peoples lives and control them.
I make an effort to keep my environment stabilized because of the reality that I suffer from anxiety. I keep certain people out of my life, I avoid certain circumstances and that makes me controlling??

She accused my daughter of being controlling because there is a family situation going on at the moment, my daughter knows there is something up and wants to be told but its such a HUGE problem, I have not discussed it with her for her own protection. I don't keep everything from her, but I see it as a my responsibility to be a filter.
My daughter of course is curious like any kid and wants to know when I am having a conversation with my friend regarding this situation. Does that make my daughter controlling??


I just don't see it that way. What kind of person wouldn't be curious if you had a feeling that something was going on that effects you but you didn't know what it was?

I also just don't get what kind of person doesn't try to maintain some kind of handle on their own life and environment for their own well being and that of my daughter...that makes me controlling??

MY own Mother called me controlling when (as an adult and single Mother of a young child), I was trying to keep my brother out of my business so I could live my own life with my child.

What is your definition of being controlling?
1. I concur.

2. Actually you are being practical and proactive. I'd recommend this course to some without anxiety issues.

3. Not controlling, more concerned about your child's welfare.

My definition of controlling is trying to manipulate and coerce others to do one's bidding.

Seeking to stabilize, simplify, and secure one's life by excluding certain people and activities which are known negatives is just rational.

There are those with the attitude that one 'has' to take the good with the bad.
And that is good for them.

To me, decisions are the reasons for most of the things that happen barring natural disasters, socioeconomic fluctuations and similar uncontrollable situations.

And like you, i maximize my benefits and minimize my negatives.
I have cut certain family members off completely because they were liabilities.
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