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Old 07-19-2016, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Lake Mary, FL (previously Long Island, NY)
79 posts, read 49,914 times
Reputation: 263

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In Dec 2015, my husband and I adopted a Chihuahua named Cobe from the NYC animal shelter. He was on the kill list, and I saw him and knew I had to help. He had a bit of fear aggression, and sometimes he'd wake up out of a deep sleep and growl for (seemingly) no reason. But we (my husband & I, and our other Chihuahua, Ferris) worked with him and he got a little better as time went on.


Because both my husband & I work full time, we didn't like leaving our dogs home alone all day in our basement apartment. We tried using our landlord's pet sitter but the first time she came to our place when we weren't home he went crazy barking and terrified her. So we began taking him (and Ferris) to stay with my parents and my MIL (on alternating days). One day last June he got out of my MIL's house and was hit by a car. He was under 10 pounds, the vet said he died instantly of internal injuries.


My husband and I were both devastated. The pain has lessened over time, but I still get choked up occasionally. I can't look at pictures of him without getting upset. The worst time for some reason is when I try to go to bed at night. I think about him and I can't help blaming myself for what happened. If only we hadn't taken him to my MIL's that day, he'd still be here. Or if I hadn't adopted him, maybe someone else would have instead and he'd be alive and safe with that person now instead of gone forever.


I know that chances are he would've been put to sleep at the shelter, and so at least I gave him 7+ months of happiness (?) and love. But I can't seem to forgive myself (or my MIL even though it was completely an accident and she felt awful about it) for his death.


(Yes I love animals a lot and I do get attached to them very easily.)


I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, sympathy, or what exactly, but I just needed to get that out. If anyone can relate or has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear from them. Thanks in advance.
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Old 07-20-2016, 10:42 AM
 
Location: southern kansas
8,414 posts, read 5,753,198 times
Reputation: 18654
It's perfectly normal for you to feel some sense of guilt when something like this happens. Anyone who had ever lost a beloved pet has felt the same to varying degrees. Grieve for him when you feel the need, but try not to let that guilt into the mix. Whatever mistakes you may or may not have made weren't intentional or out of neglect, or lack of caring. You did the best you could for him, and loved and cared for him for the time he was with you. Dwell on that instead of the 'what if's'. If Cobe were able to, he would tell you the same thing.

Run free at the Bridge, Cobe.

Peace be with you, OP.
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Old 07-20-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mntns., NC
10,760 posts, read 15,025,714 times
Reputation: 9533
Quote:
Originally Posted by catdad7x View Post
It's perfectly normal for you to feel some sense of guilt when something like this happens. Anyone who had ever lost a beloved pet has felt the same to varying degrees. Grieve for him when you feel the need, but try not to let that guilt into the mix. Whatever mistakes you may or may not have made weren't intentional or out of neglect, or lack of caring. You did the best you could for him, and loved and cared for him for the time he was with you. Dwell on that instead of the 'what if's'. If Cobe were able to, he would tell you the same thing.

Run free at the Bridge, Cobe.

Peace be with you, OP.


A very caring post catdad. The world needs more people and animal lovers like you.

My sweet Ragdoll girl is 16 now, and we go to the vet for fluids once a week for her moderate kidney disease. She is eating and drinking like a trooper; but ... when she no longer has quality of life, I will do the best for her, not for me.
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Old 07-20-2016, 03:55 PM
Status: "Funny. Like, a clown." (set 6 days ago)
 
1,062 posts, read 633,820 times
Reputation: 2245
Phenomenal book on pet grief "Goodbye, Friend". I was in so much pain that I was willing to try anything. Best $10 I spent: the author has a way with words and yet it.s not a self-help book really, either. Just take a peek at it: i did, i felt better and i bought it (a couple of years ago).
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Old 07-20-2016, 08:46 PM
 
6,981 posts, read 4,435,254 times
Reputation: 5136
Quote:
Originally Posted by chichilover78 View Post
In Dec 2015, my husband and I adopted a Chihuahua named Cobe from the NYC animal shelter. He was on the kill list, and I saw him and knew I had to help. He had a bit of fear aggression, and sometimes he'd wake up out of a deep sleep and growl for (seemingly) no reason. But we (my husband & I, and our other Chihuahua, Ferris) worked with him and he got a little better as time went on.


Because both my husband & I work full time, we didn't like leaving our dogs home alone all day in our basement apartment. We tried using our landlord's pet sitter but the first time she came to our place when we weren't home he went crazy barking and terrified her. So we began taking him (and Ferris) to stay with my parents and my MIL (on alternating days). One day last June he got out of my MIL's house and was hit by a car. He was under 10 pounds, the vet said he died instantly of internal injuries.


My husband and I were both devastated. The pain has lessened over time, but I still get choked up occasionally. I can't look at pictures of him without getting upset. The worst time for some reason is when I try to go to bed at night. I think about him and I can't help blaming myself for what happened. If only we hadn't taken him to my MIL's that day, he'd still be here. Or if I hadn't adopted him, maybe someone else would have instead and he'd be alive and safe with that person now instead of gone forever.


I know that chances are he would've been put to sleep at the shelter, and so at least I gave him 7+ months of happiness (?) and love. But I can't seem to forgive myself (or my MIL even though it was completely an accident and she felt awful about it) for his death.


(Yes I love animals a lot and I do get attached to them very easily.)


I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, sympathy, or what exactly, but I just needed to get that out. If anyone can relate or has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear from them. Thanks in advance.
i feel your pain, i have tears in my eyes typing this, but you know that if you didn't get him that he wouldn't be alive and safe with another family, you were probably his last hope.

i think the way to be able to move on a bit, and you can never forget the love and bond you had, is to rescue another dog that you wouldn't have otherwise rescued if this accident didn't happen...so, that would make cobe's accident not totally in vain, something good will come out of it, cobe will be the hero of the next dog you save, even if he doesn't know it.

thanks for saving cobe, you're a really good person.
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Old 07-21-2016, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Lake Mary, FL (previously Long Island, NY)
79 posts, read 49,914 times
Reputation: 263
Thanks catdad, I appreciate the kind words.


I will look into that book, ears.


Wall st, my husband & I actually did adopt another dog a few months after we lost Cobe. His name is Pinot, he's very sweet and affectionate, and loves to give kisses.


Ironically (and we didn't know this when we chose to adopt him, we were given his paperwork at the end of the process), Pinot's birthday is the same day Cobe passed (4 years earlier). I took that as a sign that we made the right decision in adopting him.


If there IS really a rainbow bridge, I hope Cobe is having fun up there, enjoying playing with all his new friends. And I hope he knows how much I miss him every day.
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Old 07-23-2016, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,813 posts, read 55,762,637 times
Reputation: 18988
It's always hard to say goodbye, whether accident or illness. He knew you loved him, that is what matters. ((Hugs))
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Old 07-23-2016, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Erie, PA
2,803 posts, read 1,223,484 times
Reputation: 6313
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It's never easy losing a loved companion no matter how long you have had them in your life.

It's normal to still feel grief and loss periodically. My husband and I had a cat named Ozzy that we had to have put to sleep at age 22 when he developed an aggressive cancer in his jaw. That was back in 2003; I still miss him but will say that the pain has gotten better with the passage of time.

It sounds like your Cobe had a good life with you and you saved him from being put down at the shelter. What happened was a very unfortunate accident and you shouldn't blame yourself for it. Try to focus on the positive memories of Cobe and remember some of the funny moments with him--that is what helped me with Ozzy. If you have a sympathetic friend or family member who will listen then talking also is very helpful.

Please try not to feel bad about this. It sounds like you did everything right.
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Old 07-25-2016, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Lake Mary, FL (previously Long Island, NY)
79 posts, read 49,914 times
Reputation: 263
Thanks SouthernBelle & Marie Joseph, I appreciate your kind words.

Ozzy was lucky to have such a long life with owners who loved him for 22 years.
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Old 08-18-2016, 04:24 PM
 
26,160 posts, read 15,284,678 times
Reputation: 17235
Unhappy  

Ah poor puppy...

Im so sorry Chichilover78...... Is it too hard to put a picture of him in this thread for us to see??

Im so sorry
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