She Was My Best Friend (animals, Phoenix, lost, man)

[jkb826]

First I want to say how sorry I am for your loss and second I want you to know how much your post moved me. As hard as it is in losing our pets, we need to keep in mind that we gave them a life worth living and enjoying. They will be remembered and will be loved for all time. Also Thursday007 I want you to know how much I appreciate that you took the time out in your grief to post on my thread about the loss of my Ivory.

[bjh]

I'm sorry you lost your friend. Sounds like knowing her brought a lot of joy!

[c21boquetebocasgold]

I'm very sorry Thursday for your loss. It's so hard to lose our companions and 4 legged family members. Your tribute to her brought tears to my eyes. How lucky she was to have mom with her when she passed. XXOO

[Thursday007]

Last weekend I (with some help) burried her in the backyard instead of having her cremated. Now I'm not so sure it was a good idea because I know she's out there and it's cold. It's really tearing me up. Has anyone else burried their pet in their own yard and how do you feel about it?

[3chidogs]

My pets have all been cremated, except for one that passed when I had moved away from home, many years ago. My parents had cared for her as I couldn't have her in an apartment, and they were very attached to her. They buried her in her canopy bed in the back yard, digging a deep hole when it was over 100 degrees out. My only concern would be if we ever sold the house, we couldn't take her with us.

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

Last weekend I (with some help) burried her in the backyard instead of having her cremated. Now I'm not so sure it was a good idea because I know she's out there and it's cold. It's really tearing me up. Has anyone else burried their pet in their own yard and how do you feel about it?

Thursday,

I have buried three not in my direct back yard, but an adjoining park. I call it the Park . I look at it everyday from my back door and rest assured that NO ONE will ever change the land where my three are buried. Everyone has their own feelings about cremation and everyone has their own unique situation with owning property or not. Fortunately for me, I had the option to bury them as I find comfort in knowing I was there when they were buried. I believe people make the best decisions they can at the time, all factors considered.

I know the bodies of my three are safe. That is what mattered most to me. For more reasons than I will post here, two were buried in pet caskets. Honestly, I wanted to vomit when I searched for them online and eventually ordered them on the Internet. Nonetheless, there was also a comfort of what I could include with each of my furry friends, like toys or other special things, as well as knowing their bodies were safe.

I have planted many rosebushes and Aspen trees in the Park, plus there are bushes and so much green grass. I smile thinking of how each of them would find their favorite areas there. I also have other seasonal and annual flowers in that area. For me, it is a pretty site to look at and think of how two of them literally loved to smell the roses with me. What a comfort it was to me to have so many rose bushes with their mild and wonderful fragrance, be a part of what is the special place I've chosen for my three.

What did Sydney enjoy about your yard? Did she like a particular flower, tree or bush? Can you plant a tree or bush or something to where she is buried that reminds you of warmer times and happier times with Sydney? If not now, can you make that a priority for spring? Also, many are using etched stones as markers or reminders and that has helped many people. If you're interested in that and don't know where to get them, send me a DM and I can give you a link to a website.

I can tell you it honestly got easier for me thinking that my girls weren't suffering. I don't ask this to hurt you in anyway and I apologize if it does. Does your DVM have any idea of what took Sydney from you so quickly? My Holi was gone in less than a minute too, but I knew why. Also, I remember the times of zipping her inside my jacket, enroute to work, when her little heart couldn't pump enough blood fast enough to keep her warm enough. Those were really frightening times for me.

I have pictures of the area where my three are buried and I keep their graves decorated. It helps just like it helps where humans are buried. And when I visit their graves I talk to them.

Ultimately, I have to ask you what if Sydney were by your side right now and you were asking for her advice about this subject, what would she do? If you truly believe there is an existence beyond this life, do you doubt that her spirit and her soul are as warm as ever?

Whatever your reasons were (and it sounds like good friends helped you, so I would guess they would have questioned you/or stopped you at the time, if they thought burying Sydney was not a smart idea). At the time it seemed right to bury Sydney's earthly body for reasons that seemed like the best decision to you. Would having her ashes make you feel closer to her right now? Or would spending time writing or drawing, talking to others about her make you feel more at peace?

Many of us do live in four season climates. I think it is difficult to bury a human, let alone a pet, in winter months. However, for me, I focus on where I believe they are now, knowing I feel their bodies are SAFE, thinking about them being out of pain or not getting enough oxygen etc. to enjoy their soul's view of their body's resting place and the surroundings around them. I always look forward to spring and seeing the flowers planted near their graves, let alone summer. I plan what I want to plant for the following year.

For me personally, I enjoy hearing the birds sing and the light breeze that reassures me that in their resting place, all is well. I feel at peace when I visit their graves.

Very honestly, Thursday, I'm more concerned about you. Even if you had opted to have Sydney cremated, would you be in less pain today? Do you allow yourself to have "bad days" or do you force yourself to go on regardless of how you feel? If you had Sydney's ashes, what comfort would that give you? Do you have a cherished toy, collar or something else that was a favorite for Sydney? If so, perhaps those items are what you need to hold onto today and let the tears flow.

Please respond so we have a better idea of what is happening today. Did something else happen in your day that made you focus on Sydney's burial spot? Did someone else say something, or did something else in your day make you question yourself for any reason?

Ultimately, if Sydney were still here, how would you talk to her about your stressors of today? What stops you from talking to her now? Can you tell her you are worried her body is cold? What is the worst thing that could happen if you either wrote Sydney a letter or spent time at her grave talking to her?

Hang in there the best you can. Sometimes the smallest things throw us off and we have bad days. I think you'll find whether it is where she is buried, or other details about her death, some days are just harder to get through than others. That is normal. You loved her and miss having her physical body being with you.

If you didn't love her and didn't care, the temperature, or other factors, wouldn't even phase you. Can you see this as a different phase of your love for Sydney?

MSR

[Thursday007]

Thank you MSR for taking the time as you have to detail your experience as it reassures me it's okay. I had planned on planting either a rose bush or lilac bush over her. I have a sandstone angel that hangs on the fence right by where she is. I don't know that I really grieved so deeply until today and for no reason in particular I was in my car and it just came pouring out in buckets and hasn't stopped. I probably tried to rush through it too fast or it just took time to sink in and I was watching the leaves blow around outside and thought it was so cold even though she is wrapped in blankets. It was just a sad day which I am suprised didn't happen sooner.

I don't know what caused her death, but I was warned with my first shar-pei that the breed is not known for it's longevity and to expect anything after 9 years and she was 11. I think there was something specifically wrong with her the way her eyes looked when I walked into the kitchen and she was by the water bowl which is why I brought her into the bedroom and was going to make a phone call to someone in my dog rescue organization with experience about these things with this breed when she suddenly died. Sydney was my second shar-pei, the first was hit and killed by a truck at one year old.

Again, thank you so very much for helping me put it in perspective, I appreciate it very much.

Your words have brought me comfort and that's all I wished for.

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

Thank you MSR for taking the time as you have to detail your experience as it reassures me it's okay. I had planned on planting either a rose bush or lilac bush over her. I have a sandstone angel that hangs on the fence right by where she is. I don't know that I really grieved so deeply until today and for no reason in particular I was in my car and it just came pouring out in buckets and hasn't stopped. I probably tried to rush through it too fast or it just took time to sink in and I was watching the leaves blow around outside and thought it was so cold even though she is wrapped in blankets. It was just a sad day which I am suprised didn't happen sooner.

I don't know what caused her death, but I was warned with my first shar-pei that the breed is not known for it's longevity and to expect anything after 9 years and she was 11. I think there was something specifically wrong with her the way her eyes looked when I walked into the kitchen and she was by the water bowl which is why I brought her into the bedroom and was going to make a phone call to someone in my dog rescue organization with experience about these things with this breed when she suddenly died. Sydney was my second shar-pei, the first was hit and killed by a truck at one year old.

Again, thank you so very much for helping me put it in perspective, I appreciate it very much.

Your words have brought me comfort and that's all I wished for.

I'm glad you got some comfort Thursday from reading what I wrote. Grief knows no boundaries. It hits at odd times. No one needs to defend their feelings as everyone is entitled to their feelings, their experiences and their tears.

Remember, tears are emotions turned liquid. Never be ashamed that you were able to love another living being (human or animal) enough to grieve them. Grief takes as long as it takes.

If you've read my tribute to Holi - all the story, you'll remember that I was somewhat resolved in my grief last year. Circumstances this past summer totally opened up my grief in a different way. Fortunately, new people were there (and here) to help me heal through this phase of my grief.

You are among friends here. When I tell others someone will always be here to help, I do mean that. Somehow I knew it was you today that was really struggling. Maybe our furry family members met today. Make sense of it whatever way works for you. I think Sydney is watching over you and this is one way she has to thank you for the care you gave her.

I hope tomorrow is a little easier. You may want to pick a time each day to just write, paint, draw, find music etc. for Sydney. It's only a thought and may not work for you.

Thanks for trusting that Sydney would make sure someone knew how much you were hurting today. You honor her by trusting her spirit is still by your side.

MSR

[3chidogs]

Originally Posted by Thursday007

Thank you MSR for taking the time as you have to detail your experience as it reassures me it's okay. I had planned on planting either a rose bush or lilac bush over her. I have a sandstone angel that hangs on the fence right by where she is. I don't know that I really grieved so deeply until today and for no reason in particular I was in my car and it just came pouring out in buckets and hasn't stopped. I probably tried to rush through it too fast or it just took time to sink in and I was watching the leaves blow around outside and thought it was so cold even though she is wrapped in blankets. It was just a sad day which I am suprised didn't happen sooner.

I don't know what caused her death, but I was warned with my first shar-pei that the breed is not known for it's longevity and to expect anything after 9 years and she was 11. I think there was something specifically wrong with her the way her eyes looked when I walked into the kitchen and she was by the water bowl which is why I brought her into the bedroom and was going to make a phone call to someone in my dog rescue organization with experience about these things with this breed when she suddenly died. Sydney was my second shar-pei, the first was hit and killed by a truck at one year old.

Again, thank you so very much for helping me put it in perspective, I appreciate it very much.

Your words have brought me comfort and that's all I wished for.

Thursday,
I know exactly what you mean about having something trigger the grief reflect in you. I have had that happen too. I will think that I am moving ahead just fine, and then something will trigger a memory or thought, and suddenly I am back to day one, sobbing my heart out. The only thing I can say is that those times get further and further apart as time passes. Just remember, your precious Sydney's spirit does not feel the cold anymore. She is happy, young and strong again. Her resting place, be it a lovely place in your yard, or an urn on the mantel, is a gesture of your love and a place to focus your memories. She would be content with whatever you choose to ease your heart. I have you in my thoughts.

[Mtn. States Resident]

Originally Posted by 3chidogs

Thursday,
I know exactly what you mean about having something trigger the grief reflect in you. I have had that happen too. I will think that I am moving ahead just fine, and then something will trigger a memory or thought, and suddenly I am back to day one, sobbing my heart out. The only thing I can say is that those times get further and further apart as time passes. Just remember, your precious Sydney's spirit does not feel the cold anymore. She is happy, young and strong again. Her resting place, be it a lovely place in your yard, or an urn on the mantel, is a gesture of your love and a place to focus your memories. She would be content with whatever you choose to ease your heart. I have you in my thoughts.

I'd rep you 3chidogs, but I can't rep anyone.

Wanted you to know I agree with what you wrote and think this is a very good post.

Hugs to all.

MSR