Question for those who relocated to the Raleigh area (Charlotte: apartment, renting)

[LivoniaMi]

If you've relocated to the Raleigh area from another state, how do you like it? If you had it to do over, would you move there again?

[zthatzmanz28]

Wife and I were from Redford and came here a year ago this February. Other than having the kids back in Michigan, we love being here. We are 20 miles south of Raleigh.

We find ourselves asking why we didn't do it sooner rather that struggling all those years in Michigan. Just the cost utilities and car insurance will keep us here--not to mention the property tax...

[LivoniaMi]

Originally Posted by zthatzmanz28

Wife and I were from Redford and came here a year ago this February. Other than having the kids back in Michigan, we love being here. We are 20 miles south of Raleigh.

We find ourselves asking why we didn't do it sooner rather that struggling all those years in Michigan. Just the cost utilities and car insurance will keep us here--not to mention the property tax...

I've been unemployed for a few days short of a year now. I have the chance to move there for a job. The only problem I am having is I would have to leave my wife and 5 kids up here for at least a year. For one, my oldest will be a senior this coming school year, so we hate to pull them out of school now. And as you know, homes up here (and I guess most places) aren't selling fast, if at all. My fear is I'd be VERY bored, lonely (not knowing anyone) and sink into a depression. And with my youngest being 20 months old, I would miss a lot. Are there a lot of things to do out there? I'm more into the outdoors, hiking, parks and all that. If I could find a decent job up here, I'd stay. But it's gotten to the point that my back is up against the wall. Especially since an unemployment extension hasn't gone through yet, so I may be without unemployment as well.

[lovebrentwood]

You would have to make a real effort not to be bored and fall into a depression. But these are desperate times for many people, and you may be able to do it with a lot of planning and inner strength.

Of course you would be bored. You would need to expect it, plan for it, and deal with it the best way you can.

I suggest:

- Meetup.com to find people (guys) with similar outdoor interests. Follow their lead to find things to do. But don't drink.
- Fish oil capsules (one a day) to help with depression
- Digital cameras for yourself, wife and kids so you can send pics with your emails to each other every day
- Sign up with Skype.com low-cost long distance and also use the free face-to-face software so you can see each other every day
- Plan to return home as much as possible for visits and especially on holidays and, of course, for graduations.

It's really hot here in the summers compared to glorious Northern summers. But outdoorspeople seem to adjust. I have a friend from western NY who regularly bike rides 50 miles or more at at time in humid, 90-plus degree weather. I don't know how she does it, but she does.

[LivoniaMi]

Originally Posted by lovebrentwood

You would have to make a real effort not to be bored and fall into a depression. But these are desperate times for many people, and you may be able to do it with a lot of planning and inner strength.

Of course you would be bored. You would need to expect it, plan for it, and deal with it the best way you can.

I suggest:

- Meetup.com to find people (guys) with similar outdoor interests. Follow their lead to find things to do. But don't drink.
- Fish oil capsules (one a day) to help with depression
- Digital cameras for yourself, wife and kids so you can send pics with your emails to each other every day
- Sign up with Skype.com low-cost long distance and also use the free face-to-face software so you can see each other every day
- Plan to return home as much as possible for visits and especially on holidays and, of course, for graduations.

It's really hot here in the summers compared to glorious Northern summers. But outdoorspeople seem to adjust. I have a friend from western NY who regularly bike rides 50 miles or more at at time in humid, 90-plus degree weather. I don't know how she does it, but she does.

Drinking is DEFINITELY out, don't need to be falling into the alcoholic trap. The cameras are a great idea. Hopefully I'll return home at least every couple of months. I'd be driving, so it would only be on 3 or 4 day weekends. Flying is way too expensive.

[mjd07]

Hi, I can't say that I'm officially a "transplant" because I've only been here a little less than two months. It is such a new and wonderful experience for me and I am very happy I've had the opportunity to make this happen for our family.

In an effort not to generalize, I have found people here to be much more laid back and generally happier. Almost every single person I've seen has spoken or smiled. We were driving to Clayton a couple weeks ago and people were waving from their porches as we drove by. I posted about an experience of a woman allowing her to tour her home because it was bigger than the new construction home we were scheduled to see (and didn't care for). Clerks are friendly here and I have yet to ask for help and not have a store employee walk me to the product I've inquired about. I can't say these things never happened in Chicago, but they were certainly not the norm.

I'm renting while we search for a house. We have taken the children swimming several times a week and every parent with children around our children's ages have allowed them to play together and share toys. I went to a information session last weekend and ten people gave me their contact information in case I had more questions or needed additional help with our shared topic of interest.

It has been a HUGE weight off my shoulder picking up my family and relocating for my husband's new job. He is much happier now, under less stress and not so exhausted that he actually has time and energy to spend with our family when he gets home. Although he still has a company phone and pager, he is not called all weekend long like before. He could not fly back with us because he was driving the moving truck here. His boss came to pick us up at the airport because I didn't know my way around the area yet.

Oh, get this...today I went shopping and there was an accident in the parking lot. The owner of the car in the wrong stayed with her vehicle until the owner of the car she hit came out. There was no argument or accusations or anything obnoxious at all. It was like these women were discussing having tea. I wasn't eavesdropping. I know this because I didn't realize the woman in the center aisle had hit the other vehicle (it was parked) and I stopped to ask if she needed a jump or cell phone. She told me what happened and thanked me for my concern.

Seriously, I have met more people and exchanged more discussions with people here in the past seven weeks than I did the whole time I lived in the Midwest (my whole life). There are nice people everywhere. There are not-so-nice people everywhere, but I have never met so many generally happier people in my whole life.

In short, if I had to do it all over again, I would have done it sooner. I am so excited about this new journey for our family and very thrilled with the kindness of so many people we've met along the way.

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

[Wisertime]

Originally Posted by lovebrentwood

It's really hot here in the summers compared to glorious Northern summers. But outdoorspeople seem to adjust. I have a friend from western NY who regularly bike rides 50 miles or more at at time in humid, 90-plus degree weather. I don't know how she does it, but she does.

I

I second that. I relocated from NY state. At first I liked the heat and humidity vs. the freezing gloomy winters, but the longer I am here, the more the humidity annoys me. Its tolerable if you are at a pool, but otherwise its rather disgusting for 3-4 mos. Fall is gorgeous though right up through xmas and spring is usually quite nice too. Jan-early Mar is a bit chilly at times and sometimes wet, but you get nice days too here and there. I used to golf and play tennis/softball in the heat, but anymore it really gets to me.

It is really a matter of perspective if you will like it/hate it here. It depends what you want. Its probably a great place to raise a family, be able to afford a nice house/apt, shop, church, go to college IMO, but it lacks things you might otherwise want.

Major lacking: no central geographical features (waterways, natural lakes). Not centralized. Very spread out. Lots and lots of strip malls/shopping malls. No "big city life". 3-4 hrs to more interesting spots (mts, beach, DC, Charlotte). These are good or bad depending on your perspective.

NC plenty of greenery and trees...too many trees some might say. Don't expect any grand sunsets, because the trees block the horizon unless you are in one of the 3-4 20+ story buildings. Its a clean non industrial city. Very affordable. People are pretty nice for the most part, but it can be a challenge to find your niche sometimes (which may be true of all places). There are some really cool areas if you know where to look (5 pts, oberlin/wade area, downtown Durham, Franklin st etc). Be prepared to drive pretty much everywhere for everything, unless you live downtown.

For me I sorta regret moving here in some ways. I didn't really consider/visit enough places. I really wish I had moved out west and was closer to the mountains/outdoors stuff and the higher/drier climate. Its not all bad, just can get a little boring. Like anywhere, its not as bad as some of us might make it sound, but its not as good as others make it sound either. Somewhere in between. Its all about your needs/wants/perspective.

[Wisertime]

[quote=mjd07;14580182]Oh, get this...today I went shopping and there was an accident in the parking lot. The owner of the car in the wrong stayed with her vehicle until the owner of the car she hit came out. There was no argument or accusations or anything obnoxious at all. It was like these women were discussing having tea. I wasn't eavesdropping. I know this because I didn't realize the woman in the center aisle had hit the other vehicle (it was parked) and I stopped to ask if she needed a jump or cell phone. She told me what happened and thanked me for my concern.

quote]

You will get used to seeing more accidents than ANYWHERE you have ever been. It seems to be a habit for many of the horrible drivers here. I have never seen anything like it. I used to commute on 440/40 from Raleigh to RTP every morning and I could probably count the times there was not an accident(s) or cars on the side of the road on one hand in 15 years. If its raining/snowing then they increase exponentially. Doesn't matter if you are going in the opposite direction either. Your lane will surely slow to a halt. Its not just the main roads either. I see fender benders, cars in ditches all over frequently. The body shops here must be booked months out.

And people leave their cars parked on the side of the highways indefinitely when they break down...lol

[zthatzmanz28]

Originally Posted by LivoniaMi

I've been unemployed for a few days short of a year now. I have the chance to move there for a job. The only problem I am having is I would have to leave my wife and 5 kids up here for at least a year. For one, my oldest will be a senior this coming school year, so we hate to pull them out of school now. And as you know, homes up here (and I guess most places) aren't selling fast, if at all. My fear is I'd be VERY bored, lonely (not knowing anyone) and sink into a depression. And with my youngest being 20 months old, I would miss a lot. Are there a lot of things to do out there? I'm more into the outdoors, hiking, parks and all that. If I could find a decent job up here, I'd stay. But it's gotten to the point that my back is up against the wall. Especially since an unemployment extension hasn't gone through yet, so I may be without unemployment as well.

Yeah, Almost Everything mjd07 said has actually happened to us as well (except the house tour)

I was here almost 5 months and my wife stayed in Michigan. It was TOUGH. But I was never really bored. Our kids are all over 20 so it was a bit easier.

It is not an easy choice.

We too would have stayed if employed, but that makes the decision the proverbial two-edged sword--

Really glad we did move--But hate the reason why we had too.

Even living in Raleigh there is much to do out-of-doors.

Wake area is surrounded by community parks and state parks.

I spent most of my days (after work and weekends) on the cell phone as I drove around talking to my wife as she followed along on google maps.

Used a lot of gas, but she was able to use satellite view and see the area or using the google guy "drive" on the same streets.

And it is easy to fly back on the weekends out of RDU.

I even made a few weekend trips back to Michigan (really do not like flying) once every 6 weeks or so.

And you will find alot of folks from Michigan, Ohio and other North Country states here.

I always say that 95% of the folks here are friendly and welcoming.

I can totally empathize with your situation. We literally left our life there in Redford and started over with nothing but our dogs and truck.

The being away from the kids will be the hardest, but if the position is a decent one, they are only a few hours away by plane...

Not sure what we would have done if our kids were all under 18?

But we might have been in a little different situation as not only were the houses NOT selling in 2009, unemployment wasn't paying the note so we really had no other choice.

Suppose you might find someway to stay and fight it out economically?

Your decision will best be made through a tough family discussion with your family...

You have ALL Our prayers and understanding.

[mjd07]

Originally Posted by LivoniaMi

I've been unemployed for a few days short of a year now. I have the chance to move there for a job. The only problem I am having is I would have to leave my wife and 5 kids up here for at least a year. For one, my oldest will be a senior this coming school year, so we hate to pull them out of school now. And as you know, homes up here (and I guess most places) aren't selling fast, if at all. My fear is I'd be VERY bored, lonely (not knowing anyone) and sink into a depression. And with my youngest being 20 months old, I would miss a lot. Are there a lot of things to do out there? I'm more into the outdoors, hiking, parks and all that. If I could find a decent job up here, I'd stay. But it's gotten to the point that my back is up against the wall. Especially since an unemployment extension hasn't gone through yet, so I may be without unemployment as well.

I'm truly sorry for your situation. I know it's a tough spot to be in. I don't have any suggestions for work, but wanted to let you know how our family coped when we were separated. My Dh had to move here relatively quickly for his job and our house wasn't ready to go to on the market. I told him to take the new job and I would "hold down the fort." We planned for him to fly back at least twice a month, but due to weather and holiday traffic, that didn't happen. We created a "work-around" by getting a webcam. We had "family and friends" cell phone packagess, but that didn't help with bedtime tears and waking up without daddy at home. With the webcam, the children and I could talk to him and see him every evening and it really helped with his "homesickness." I do digital scrapbooking and love to cook and bake. We sent him care packages of his favorite treats and albums I designed especially for him. We also made our holidays around when he could come home (instead of the calendar dates). So, we celebrated our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day and Easter nowhere near when everybody else did. It was great and we enjoyed our time together. He rented a room with a friend of a friend to save on expenses while we were waiting for the house to sell.

On his side, he would drive around various neighborhoods and learn the area so we could find a home. He didn't want to buy one without my input, but he did time his commutes, learn the different communities and find some fun attractions for our family while he was here. He also sent me emails and letters telling me how much he appreciated me holding the family together and appreciated what I was doing in his absence. That really helped me keep going when I was ready to pass out from sheer exhaustion. The week before we were to arrive he found a nice apartment for our family, stocked it with our favorite foods and put fresh flowers in for me and gift baskets for the children. He even put balloons on the front door so we could find the apartment at night (we flew out and he drove the moving truck).

I think the most important part of this transition is how you and your wife collectively cope with the situation. Your example will be the guide for your children (young adults). It's not easy, but it's manageable. Stay close to one another, cherish the moments you do have together and embrace the future.

The best to you all.