"For Sale"...What Did You Tell The Kids? (real estate, how much)

[jeannie216]

We are getting ready to list our house in New Jersey in about 3 weeks from now...what and how do I tell the kids? How did some of you get through this process with young kids? I've been told, "tell them your moving, and be done with it, they're kids, they'll get over it". Just not sure. When the idea of moving was thrown their way a few months back, my 8 and 10 year old were completely against going anywhere, very much settled into sports, activites, friends, etc.. Thus far everything has been done discretely, our realtor's visit, our trip down to NC a few weeks ago, getting the house ready for listing, internet work, etc. My big boys, 19 and 21 are excited for us, more than likely coming with us, possibly to even finish college there. My concern presently is that houses can go in a week or even a year, so this could be a very long drawn out process. I even asked our realtor if we could do it without the "for sale" on the front lawn, but she thinks things will move quicker if we do. I really need some advice on how and what to tell them before things get rolling. I'm sure many of you were in this same boat, so to speak at one time. Thank you for any and all advice... Jeannie

[5XY1XX]

Jeannie,

I completely understand and sympathize what you are going through. As a mom of 4 boys... I know how hard it can be to break the news. Surprisingly enough my children took it rather well.

I started off by telling them how wonderful it is there ... my 16 year old is excited that lacrosse is so HUGE, we'll be closer to the beach, we could have a community pool, a fenced yard and possibly even get a dog.

Yeah thats right, I bribed them.

Hey...whatever works, right? Good luck!

[CAKD]

As the mother of three kids I understand where you are at. But honestly why would you NOT want them to know this? I think they are entitled to as much time to prepare for a big life change just as everyone else in your family is. My 8 and 10 year olds did fine with the news. Sure they were sad but they got through it. Another thing to consider is this even though you might not tell them or the real estate sign may be absent they will find out from a family member, neighbor or friend and then how much more devastating would it be to hear it second hand than from you. If you are not excited about the move and approaching it on egg shells then so will you children. My advice would be to make a HUGE deal out of it in the most positive exciting adventure filled way you can. If they find out and it isn't from you then they are going to see it as a bad thing that you needed to keep a secret! Get excited about it momma!!! Spread your JOY. If they are involved in sports then get online with them all right now and let them choose the venues they want to persue here and get them excited about those too so that they have something waiting for them that they can get psyched up about!!!! It is all cool! Life is about change and as long as you are doing it as a tight family unit all if good

[alice_61]

I agree that I wouldn't keep something so important to them a secret from them. They need time to adjust and say their good byes.

[jeannie216]

Originally Posted by 5XY1XX

Jeannie,

I completely understand and sympathize what you are going through. As a mom of 4 boys... I know how hard it can be to break the news. Surprisingly enough my children took it rather well.

I started off by telling them how wonderful it is there ... my 16 year old is excited that lacrosse is so HUGE, we'll be closer to the beach, we could have a community pool, a fenced yard and possibly even get a dog.

Yeah thats right, I bribed them.

Hey...whatever works, right? Good luck!

Good advice. Yes, so far were contemplating a built-in pool, puppy, etc.

[jeannie216]

Originally Posted by CAKD

As the mother of three kids I understand where you are at. But honestly why would you NOT want them to know this? I think they are entitled to as much time to prepare for a big life change just as everyone else in your family is. My 8 and 10 year olds did fine with the news. Sure they were sad but they got through it. Another thing to consider is this even though you might not tell them or the real estate sign may be absent they will find out from a family member, neighbor or friend and then how much more devastating would it be to hear it second hand than from you. If you are not excited about the move and approaching it on egg shells then so will you children. My advice would be to make a HUGE deal out of it in the most positive exciting adventure filled way you can. If they find out and it isn't from you then they are going to see it as a bad thing that you needed to keep a secret! Get excited about it momma!!! Spread your JOY. If they are involved in sports then get online with them all right now and let them choose the venues they want to persue here and get them excited about those too so that they have something waiting for them that they can get psyched up about!!!! It is all cool! Life is about change and as long as you are doing it as a tight family unit all if good

Thank you CAKD. Everything you are saying makes complete sense, I guess I just needed to hear it from someone that has experienced it. My husband and I are so excited with our plans, and yes, we need to share this with the kids also. Thanks so much for the pep talk. Jeannie

[Wanna Leave Penciltucky]

I know about this first hand. When I was 7 my bestest friend in the whole world and I were playing out in front her her house. A man drove up and took a "sign" out of his van and placed it on their lawn. We looked and decided that it was a for sale sign. We hugged each other and cried. We ran into the house and her mother looked at us all sobbing and crying and asked what was wrong. We managed to get it out that we were upset because they were moving and that we saw the for sale sign. The mother laughed at us and said stop your crying. She explained the man was a painter and he wanted to put a sign on the lawn saying painting by ..... and that it was not a for sale sign. I felt foolish. Of course 6 years later we moved. By then I was ready to go and my bestest friend never moved from that neighborhood. When she got married she bought a house up the street from her parents.
How often does that happen? Not very.
The best way to tell children you are moving is to get them excited about it.
Have you made a trip yet to see the new area. Everyone gets a bit uneasy about change, it is natural.

[Lori1961]

We live in California and are planning to move to NC in the spring of 2008. We have a 12 year old autistic son and children with autism MUST have routine and no surprises. We already told him about our plans and I have gotten a bunch of books about the state showing all the great fun things to do. He is not happy about it but every few days I will show him something else that is so great about where we are moving to and I do believe he is starting to warm up to the idea. Yes it is hard for kids and they dont tent to look into the future as well tell them they will make new friends. But I would not hide it until the sign goes up in the front lawn.

Good luck! I am already excited about moving!

[jeannie216]

Originally Posted by Wanna Leave Penciltucky

I know about this first hand. When I was 7 my bestest friend in the whole world and I were playing out in front her her house. A man drove up and took a "sign" out of his van and placed it on their lawn. We looked and decided that it was a for sale sign. We hugged each other and cried. We ran into the house and her mother looked at us all sobbing and crying and asked what was wrong. We managed to get it out that we were upset because they were moving and that we saw the for sale sign. The mother laughed at us and said stop your crying. She explained the man was a painter and he wanted to put a sign on the lawn saying painting by ..... and that it was not a for sale sign. I felt foolish. Of course 6 years later we moved. By then I was ready to go and my bestest friend never moved from that neighborhood. When she got married she bought a house up the street from her parents.
How often does that happen? Not very.
The best way to tell children you are moving is to get them excited about it.
Have you made a trip yet to see the new area. Everyone gets a bit uneasy about change, it is natural.

What a cute story! So you were 13 when you moved? How was that for you? My husband and I took the trip a few weeks back, just the two of us. We checked out the area, found the schools, looked at houses, etc. The kids stayed with my in-laws and told we were on business. At that point, nothing was definitive, but now it looks like we're going into full swing. Maybe we need to take another trip with them, show them the area, schools, ballfields, etc. We were planning another trip next month, my husband and I, maybe we should consider taking everyone....

[ChipL]

They will need as much time as possible to settle things with their friends. Make sure they start an address book with names addresses and numbers of EVERYONE they can think of that they might want to contact in the future. Give them disposable cameras to run around and take pictures of thier friends and the area, thier bedrooms, anything they think is important. Then when they are settling into their new home they don't feel so isolated from everything they've known. Talk of the benefits of moving. How it will help them, and you, and everyone as a family.
Prepare them for the change, and they will be fine.