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Just got the bad phone call that my mother has ovarian cancer (don't know what stage, headed to Onc gyn Thurs for that appt). Awful news.
Makes it worse.....she is the sole caregiver for my father who has Alzheimer's.
And they live in Florida. Alone. No support network or people to rely on there.
I just moved to NC (from Atlanta) last month.
This is a lot of change.
I believe I need to get her up here for her care, and find a nursing home for my father. I cannot take care of them both. I don't feel I need to defend myself on this decision, I know I cannot handle both, and my job, and children/husband, and take care of myself.
First step in proposing this to her is to have an idea of where he could live so she can focus on getting well and we can help her as much as possible.
Any suggestions on Alzheimer's care facilities in the Chapel Hill/Pittsboro area? He's a veteran, though I don't know that this helps placement matters at all.
Any help or guidance would be appreciated. Please don't tell me that I am in trouble...I know I am. They didn't plan, and now this is my problem. I have one sibling truly unable to help and my other sibling has passed away. I have to put together a plan that doesn't kill me in the process.
My Mother has been seeing Dr. Suzanne Kirby in Cary for 3 years now and I couldn't recommend anyone more highly. Their entire office is well-run, compassionate and very organized. Dr. Kirby has always been available whenever I needed to speak to her and I don't honestly know if I would have my Mother with me today if it hadn't been for her. Other physicians were ready to write her off due to her age, 83, at the time of her diagnosis. Today, she is doing well, in remission, and enjoying life.
There are other physicians in the group that I've dealt with when my Mom has been in the hospital and I've been equally impressed with all of them. Their office is right next to Wake Med/Cary on Tryon Road, 919-233-8585.
Good luck with whoever you find. You've got a lot on your shoulders to deal with and need a support system for yourself. The hospital has a good Social Services Department that you could call to help you initiate the process you'll have to go through to get them settled here. I'd start with them since they would be your best best for resources. Take a deep breath, you do have a lot to deal with but you can do it one step at a time.
As for oncology care, both UNC and Duke each have referral depts that match you with the appropriate physician in your specific area. One I know of is Dr Andrew Berchuk, he is very well respected as a gyn oncologist. Duke Cancer Institute :: First Hand--Andrew Berchuck The institute he works at is doing some amazing work and studies. If it were me or my family member, this is where I would go. You will want to know the results of her genetic testing for your health too.
I am so sorry for your parents and you for facing these very trying life challenges. I hope your mom gets good news and you keep your spirits up.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine what you are going thru. My mom passed 2 years ago after battling complications for 5 months from a stroke. She passed 2 weeks before her 82nd birthday. I was going to bring her here to NC but we found a great rehabilitation center in Miami(I have a sister there). In the process of doing my research, I found 'Resources for Seniors'. I've included the link below. Contact them and see what services your parents may qualify for and what you as a caregiver can do to help them.
I don't know what your timeframe is, so this is what I know ...
I'd start by contacting a local Elderlaw/Eldercare attorney to help you through the process. He will probably have a good list of preferred Nursing Homes that they can check with for placement. Since your father's a veteran, he may qualify to go into a VA hospital instead of a Nursing Home. The big, major issue for you, is where are you going to get the money to pay for all of this? Realize that getting all of this done is going to take a long time, so the sooner you get started the better.
You can go to medicare.gov, to the Nursing Home Compare page, and find homes in your desired area that rank highest for their quality of care.
Invent1 - What a bad situation for you. There is no need to feel a need to defend these very difficult decisions. You have a lot to deal with.
My parents are at Twin Lakes Retirement Community in Burlington. They are in independent living. However, the community has a "memory care" facility. Some places don't take outside admissions. However, I believe Twin Lakes does. My husband and I are both in health care and we believe Twin Lakes provides good care.
I don't think you can go wrong with having your Mother treated at either Duke or UNC. I would choose the one most convenient to you, especially since you will be spending some time making trips between where your father is and your mother is receiving her care. UNC and Duke may have off-campus clinics for gyn oncology care and that might make it easier for you (not having to deal with parking at the giant medical centers)
We wish you the best as you deal with this significant issues.
Hope you can find a facility that will work for both...I'm sure someday I'll also have to have a place with ALZ care for my dad and regular care for mom.
Two places where I have folks (that I serve through my job) at that have dementia, and I have had wonderful experiences with, are The Elmcroft at Northridge in North Raleigh on Newton Rd and The Covington in Raleigh on Duraleigh. Both take Medicaid if your dad will qualify, but both also take private pay. Not sure how other types of insurance work with that. Best of luck!!!
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
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My thoughts are with you, invent1. It must be very difficult for you to deal with this. I hope you find some solutions that work well for your parents and that your mom has a full recovery.
First, find out what your dad qualifies for with the VA. My dad has his care paid for 100% by the VA and there are different rules for searching for long term care placement with VA contracts. Plus, he will need an assessment and will need to get connected to a VA social worker here if he will be living in NC. DM me if you need more info. My dad has dementia and is now in long term care so I've walked this walk. It's been my driving force for the last 7 years now.
For gyn/onc, check out Dr Laura Havrilesky. She's with Duke so would be based in Durham but she's fantastic. UNC probably has really great folks too but I don't know any of them.
Good luck to you. There is support out there for you and for your parents during this very tough time. I'm willing to help with what I can through DM.
~Amy
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