Drive-By Beggings in Northeast Raleigh (Smithfield: crime, how much, house)
Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, CaryThe Triangle Area
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It would be foolhardy not to consider the possibility that such an individual might be mentally unstable and/or dangerous.
Well, yeah, I suppose technically any stranger that one meets anywhere could be mentally unstable and/or dangerous. And I know it's true that some (relatively small) percentage of strangers in public are in fact mentally unstable and/or dangerous. But it's not really our place to go around assessing each other's mental stability in public as long as it doesn't affect anyone else. And to go around thinking that there's a significant likelihood of some random stranger out in public being dangerous to you if they give you no reason or indication to think that they are seems foolhardy to me. But to each their own.
Again, I'm certainly not advocating giving money to people who ask for it in public. I generally don't give money to panhandlers, and I really wouldn't recommend it in most situations, although I do respect the choice of people who do give money to strangers. And I'm well aware that a high percentage (though certainly far from all) of people who ask for money in public end up using that money for alcohol, drugs, or other unsavory purposes, and in a lot of cases, giving money to a panhandler doesn't really help him or her in the big picture. And I have had the experience a couple times (fortunately not in Raleigh, but in other cities) of being approached by panhandlers who were verbally aggressive and borderline threatening, which made me very uneasy, and again that absolutely should not be tolerated whatsoever. But the vast, vast majority of people asking for money in public, in my experience, are simply asking for money, sometimes accompanied by a highly fishy tale of woe, and if you politely but firmly tell them "no," then that's that and they leave you alone. I don't see what's wrong with that. And I don't see where the fear or apprehension would come from. Do you never interact or talk with any stranger in public, since there's always some slight possibility that he or she might be mentally unstable and/or dangerous? Seems like a funny way to deal with the world to me, but again, to each their own.
Carry non-perishables in your car (granola bars, bottled water, etc) if you don't feel comfortable giving money. Someone who is truly hungry will be thankful. I haven't had someone not accept it graciously yet. My husband had one person say they already had enough food, but everyone else has taken it.
Indeed. Asking for money is a way to approach that doesn't immediately put a person on alert. But it should.
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Yes, taking out your money/credit cards is not really a good idea.
At the gas stations, the women asked my husband to pay with his credit card. I'm not sure what the scam is there, but there must be one. I'm also wondering how a guy who lived within an 18 miles radius of NYC his whole life, when not IN the city, could so look like he just fell off the turnip truck, LOL.
So you genuinely don't see how a woman who is already distracted by keeping her small children safe in a parking lot, and is also trying to daily teach them about "stranger danger", how to deal with people they don't know, what is and is not appropriate conduct with strangers....might be more than a little put off by these encounters? And you don't think any sane person would realize "hmmmm, there are lots of people I could approach, but let me go to the person who is probably feeling the most distracted, the most vulnerable....because women aren't on alert enough, let along when they have their kids with them and I know dealing with strangers these days is even more of an issue"? You really think a SANE person who isn't up to no good wouldn't really realize this? I mean, if I were on an outing and I suddenly found myself stranded and without help, I don't think I'd try to barge in on someone who was already overloaded with other things because it might not be a good time for her???
I once ran out of gas - neighborhood was fine, but I was on a fairly busy road and 8 months pregnant. As I stood outside the car waiting for my husband (who happened to work 1 mile away) a car pulled over and a man got out. I read him as a cop or firefighter right away - and the way he approached me confirmed that. He turned his body sideways, and he kept his hands up in a surrender position. Once he had my attention, he stopped a good 10-15 feet away. Not being crazy, he clearly understood how I would feel in my position being approached by a strange man. THAT'S how you approach a woman in a vulnerable situation - not going up to her when her hands are literally and figuratively full and asking for money.
There is a reason that women, who are physically weaker and more at risk in these situations, are told to trust their instincts - because they are good, and usually won't fail us when we listen.
Okey dokey. I'm guessing a certain poster has no kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tompope
Well, yeah, I suppose technically any stranger that one meets anywhere could be mentally unstable and/or dangerous. And I know it's true that some (relatively small) percentage of strangers in public are in fact mentally unstable and/or dangerous. But it's not really our place to go around assessing each other's mental stability in public as long as it doesn't affect anyone else. And to go around thinking that there's a significant likelihood of some random stranger out in public being dangerous to you if they give you no reason or indication to think that they are seems foolhardy to me. But to each their own.
Again, I'm certainly not advocating giving money to people who ask for it in public. I generally don't give money to panhandlers, and I really wouldn't recommend it in most situations, although I do respect the choice of people who do give money to strangers. And I'm well aware that a high percentage (though certainly far from all) of people who ask for money in public end up using that money for alcohol, drugs, or other unsavory purposes, and in a lot of cases, giving money to a panhandler doesn't really help him or her in the big picture. And I have had the experience a couple times (fortunately not in Raleigh, but in other cities) of being approached by panhandlers who were verbally aggressive and borderline threatening, which made me very uneasy, and again that absolutely should not be tolerated whatsoever. But the vast, vast majority of people asking for money in public, in my experience, are simply asking for money, sometimes accompanied by a highly fishy tale of woe, and if you politely but firmly tell them "no," then that's that and they leave you alone. I don't see what's wrong with that. And I don't see where the fear or apprehension would come from. Do you never interact or talk with any stranger in public, since there's always some slight possibility that he or she might be mentally unstable and/or dangerous? Seems like a funny way to deal with the world to me, but again, to each their own.
Thank you twingles. When you are approached with a young child in a stroller and trying to get into your car you have to make a choice to turn your back on someone, your child or the panhandler. It is very uncomfortable and unless you have been in that position it is hard to understand how scary it is. The last incident I drove to the other side of the parking lot and called mall security and waited for them to show up and deal with him.
I am sure it has to do with the high unemployment rate in NC. This didn't happen to me until the last few yrs.
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Okey dokey. I'm guessing a certain poster has no kids.
Okey dokey. I'm guessing a certain poster is raising their children to be excessively and irrationally fearful of the world and people around them. Which is your prerogative as a parent, of course, and none of my or anyone else's business. It is a little curious to me, but it doesn't matter what I think.
Obviously, no one ever wants to put their kids in dangerous situations if they can possibly be avoided. Naturally. And certainly people are understandably going to be quite a bit more on-edge about potential threats when they have young children with them. Of course. I just still don't see how simply being approached by a stranger in a public place who is politely and non-threateningly asking for money (or something else) constitutes enough of an intrinsic threat or potential danger that one would need to feel that they or their children are at particular risk. But, clearly different people perceive things differently, and you and everyone need to operate based on your own personal perceptions and instinct and sense of things. So it is what it is.
And, to the specific point and discussion of this thread, Sagarian (the OP) didn't even indicate whether he or she is male or female, and didn't indicate whether the three people who had approached him or her recently asking for money were male or female. And Sagarian didn't say anything about even having kids, let alone whether he or she had kids with them when they were approached. So those factors are not necessarily directly relevant to his or her original comments and questions, nor my initial response to them. mocharoman did not indicate being male or female, but did mention being approached while with young kids, which I agree can change the equation to an extent. And Sagarian didn't mention anything about having been singled-out by the panhandlers at Target or the gas stations. I do agree that if you're in a public place with lots of people around, and a panhandler appears to single you out specifically to approach for money, and you're female or distracted or have young children with you or otherwise may be prone to feeling particularly vulnerable, that does seem like a red flag. That still doesn't necessarily mean that that panhandler is a threat to you or that you're in imminent danger in that situation, but I can certainly understand it causing alarm bells to go off.
Ii haven't had it happen here too much, but it was common where I used to live. My DH gave someone $$ when they said they needed to get bus money (city bus stop right by gas station) to get across town in a hurry. After getting the $$, he walked across the gas station parking lot and hopped into a car and drove off!
There were a couple times when I felt threatened when I told the asking person I didnt have money, "you know you got money in your fancy purse" (I dont have a fancy purse) and even a teen that rode up on his bike and followed me from the door of the post office back to my car. People just asking is one thing, but when they make you feel unsafe, it's another story. I havent had any of the threatening ones since i've been here, although last weekend-I dont know where in Raleigh we were since i'm still learning the area-but each corner had a person with a sign walking up to car windows-and on the side in a parking lot was a group of people with signs, coolers, etc-like they were taking shifts. I dont think they should be able to approach car windows.
I'm sorry to say that I've gotten to the point that I don't open the windows when I'm in my car anymore. The recent case of the young man who was kidnapped by the Boston Terrorists explains why:
And, not to be preachy about it, but I do think it's worth keeping in mind how you'd want to be treated if and when you were in a situation where you had to/felt compelled to ask a stranger for money or some other kind of help.
I think it's fine to give money to panhandlers, but they are DRIVING up and asking the OP for money. They have money for a car, gas, insurance (I hope).... this reeks of a scam.
I'm sorry to say that I've gotten to the point that I don't open the windows when I'm in my car anymore. The recent case of the young man who was kidnapped by the Boston Terrorists explains why:
Yeah, that or something like it is pretty likely to occur...
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