The Triangle old fashion values hopefully? (renting, home, move to)

[Indigoblue]

A sling pouch was a lifesaver for me today Some come in very styling prints you know

Originally Posted by Desdemona123

Not all babies like 'slings' and well....they aren't for all mother's either. I think they look sloppy for instance, but several friends love them.

I would never expect friends to cook for me....but other's think it's the thing to do.

Each family needs to make their own choices...what works for you, or me, might not work for others and all of us may have well cared for children.

[Indigoblue]

Originally Posted by TuborgP

Keeping giving these good people like you rep points but not sure how to do with comment. Help

To leave a comment, give rep points by clicking the appropriate icon to the top right of the post. You have to also type in your name (posting name) or people won't know who it's from.

[Debera109]

Originally Posted by TuborgP

Maybe it is generational but that last paragraph bothers me. Both of my children were planned and we wanted to make sure we were able to provide a secure childhood and transition into adulthood. We never looked at them in terms of their financial return nor do I value them today based on economics. We are very proud of their accomplishments and hope that they will value their children for their intrinsic worth and not extrinsic dollar cost. Maybe it is me seeing the words childrearing is a suckers game that scares me about our future. Maybe I have participated in to many real estate discussions about a house vs a home etc. But if I ever valued my sons based on their financial cost vs future value they not only would be devastated but probably wouldn't believe me. Then again maybe I am just old.

I think you missed the point of the article. Children were an economic asset during the 19th century, and earlier. How do you think family farms survived??? Children were also apprenticed to learn new trades which benefited families. Large families were encouraged and expected, and our country was founded on "working children". Ben Franklin comes to mind. He was apprenticed as a 12 yr old in the printing industry.

Obviously in today's world, we do not need our children to be economic assets. They have become among other things, our emotional assets. How much do we want to invest in emotional assets? I see no problem in expecting children to help with the family budget. A few of my friends went to college with the help of their older brothers and sisters contributions to the "college fund". I don't have a problem with that.

I'm not sure why you found the article so alarming. History is history. While you may not expect anything from your children, it's probably true that your great-grandparents expected a lot from their children.

[dcgrl]

Originally Posted by jinxor

I don't have any children of my own, so I don't know that perspective. However, I am sure I was a lousy investment for my parents. I was a pretty expensive kid, definitely a cost center and not a profit center. They dumped tons of money and time into me and got a horrible ROI. Quite frankly, if I had a kid like me, I'd probably have to cut my losses early (LOL).

Heh. They should have outsourced you.

[goat1of2]

Originally Posted by dcgrl

Heh. They should have outsourced you.

Isn't that what other countries are doing these days? Outsourcing their unwanted kids? Think of those lucky enough to be raised by Brangelina!

[TuborgP]

Originally Posted by Debera109

I think you missed the point of the article. Children were an economic asset during the 19th century, and earlier. How do you think family farms survived??? Children were also apprenticed to learn new trades which benefited families. Large families were encouraged and expected, and our country was founded on "working children". Ben Franklin comes to mind. He was apprenticed as a 12 yr old in the printing industry.

Obviously in today's world, we do not need our children to be economic assets. They have become among other things, our emotional assets. How much do we want to invest in emotional assets? I see no problem in expecting children to help with the family budget. A few of my friends went to college with the help of their older brothers and sisters contributions to the "college fund". I don't have a problem with that.

I'm not sure why you found the article so alarming. History is history. While you may not expect anything from your children, it's probably true that your great-grandparents expected a lot from their children.

I clearly understood the article and am well versed in the global history of families and economic security. I think we just have a different definition of the word asset and the concept of family. That is clearly ok. I just work with the traditional definition of asset.
Definition of asset - Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

and am very unwilling to classify my children as such in todays world. Two hundred years ago I might have had 12 children hoping some would survive to care for me in my old age. However while I certainly believe in the strong emotional relationship between parent and child I would not view my children on a balance sheet and try to determine if the cost was worth the reward. Clearly we have different thoughts and it is clear that others have different thoughts. I just wonder in todays world of asset valuations of so much we do, where many parents place their offspring on the balance sheet. I wonder how the 12 year old feels when they realize they are on the debit side?

[NYer]

Originally Posted by Desdemona123

Not all babies like 'slings' and well....they aren't for all mother's either. I think they look sloppy for instance, but several friends love them.

I would never expect friends to cook for me....but other's think it's the thing to do.

Each family needs to make their own choices...what works for you, or me, might not work for others and all of us may have well cared for children.

Des, I'm not talking about slings or dinners as much as about the expensive things people feel pressured into buying- ex.: fancy vibrating teddy bear instead of loving arms, or $50 baby outfit, when, what the mom needs ishelp (of whatever kind)

[plattsburgher]

Know this may offend some readers in their twenties and even thirties (I am early fifties), but my female coworkers who have children seem to be so focused on the brand new car payment, astronomical cell phone bills, highspeed computers, newest video and HD home theatre equipment and working x amount of hours to pay for these and the McMansion "necessities" that in order to make them feel "less guilty" for being so stressed that they tend to buy anything and everything for the kids. I do not think many younger people have idea what delayed gratification is. I don't think too many modern children ever have the opportunity (from what I hear anyway) to ever "save up" to buy a certain video game, or CD or have any idea what it is like to wait to have to get a particular item. If parents could just not have to keep up and buy everything that is offered to them on a commercial, then maybe children wouldn't feel the same way.................Today's children have a sense of "entitlement"............they have to have the best birthday parties, the newest video games and even the portable DVD player to amuse themselves when Mom is driving..............Anybody ever play a board game or cards with their kids anymore? Drive that "OLD", "USED" car (2005??????) an additional year or so, save on the insurance bill, don't give in to every tv commercial promising you a "better life" if only you.................switch to Highspeed Comcast, bundle it, supersize it, new and improve it and just use some time to slow down a minute and when the cell phone rings while your child is trying to tell you something.........just let the voicemail pick up. It will teach your children that maybe they are a little bit more important than that phone call from your BFF of the month.
This is what I see from the workplace of young Moms around me. I actually had one girl tell me that she couldn't imagine why anyone would have a cell phone and let voicemail pick up. This is while we were both at work and I let mine ring and she picked hers up for every single call and wonders why her boys don't respect her or listen to anything she tells them to do. As I said.......just what I see around me all the time now.............Priorities are everything!!!!!!

[VickiR]

I have 4 kids. Youngest is 14. BLESS HER HEART! I always stayed home with my kids. I was lucky that I was able to do that. I WANTED to do that and we did whatever was necessary, including hubby having a part time job 2 nights a week. As they got older, I worked part time a couple of nights a week so that either hubby or I were home with them. It was our choice. My job is flexible enough NOW that I can usually get home by 3:30 or 4PM and work from my home office so I'm home when my daughter gets home from school. I'm very lucky that way.

I have two friends that are in their late 20s and work in my office. Neither one had kids and when they talked of having kids, their comments were usually about the cost of having kids and the cost of day care. When I mentioned that they had the option of staying home, they looked at me like I was nuts. The questions usually were something like..."If I didn't work, who would pay for my Lexus?". Or..."As much money as I spend on MY clothes, I have to work.".

Each of my friends recently had their babies. My, my, how things change when you actually have the baby!!! Both are working part time, because they WANT TO STAY AT HOME WITH THEIR BABIES! Neither one seems so preoccupied with their fancy car or their fancy clothes anymore.

I think with age, comes maturity. Having children today doesn't mean you have to give them everything. I'm sure these children will grow up much happier with a mom who stayed at home to care for them then any toy that the extra income would have produced.

Not that this situation is right for everyone. But I always wondered why people had babies and then shipped them off to daycare at 6 weeks.

Vicki

[sundaze]

I don't even live in Raleigh yet. I do know, though, that in a lot of families mothers work because they have to. In today's job market, many have little job security and may not have health insurance provided by their employers. People who have a choice should consider themselves lucky. My husband died when my son was young, for example. I think that not that many families are able to get by on one income, and I'm not talking about expensive extras, but about food, rent, health care, etc. Even for people who have a choice, we shouldn't be too quick to judge. If a mother is not comfortable staying home with her children they may be happier with a day care provider who enjoys child care. If a woman chooses to stay home and something happens to her husband, she may find it difficult to find employment adequate to support a family. I think all families need to look at their own needs and make the choice that is right for them. To me, this is not an area to judge someone else.