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RR,
We haven't lived here long enough to know whether your glass half empty version of the locals is correct or if meh_whatever is closer to the truth.
That's because the attitudes I'm discussing are subtle, yet very pervasive and important in determining how one interacts with the natives. For example, I would not place alot of importance on how the person at the hat shop interacted with you in that passing moment. I would however, look back in a year or so and see how many natives you have developed meaningful friendships with.
I'm a native North Carolinian from generations back and have lived in NC almost 50 years. I count among my friends many "transplants" from places like upstate NY (including one of those early IBM transfers), Ohio, Michigan, California, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Coney Island NY, New Jersey, Maine, New Hampshire, England, Germany, India, Mexico, Tanzania as well as VA, TN, NC, SC, GA, FL, AL, MS, etc. I genuinely like my friends from other states and other countries. I am not averse to them or suspicious of them. Now, there are some people out there in the world (from NC as well as from other states) that I don't really like, but that has to do with the people—not where they're from. If somebody gives me an abrasive, snotty attitude from the get-go then I'm not likely to want to get to know them, but if people are friendly, interested, and interesting then I'm happy to get to know them.
I really think most Southerners are like me, at least the Southerners I know are. My elderly parents, for instance, in SE NC lived next door to a great guy from Pennsylvania for many years and they couldn't have asked for a nicer, friendlier neighbor. They loved him!
I'm a native North Carolinian from generations back and have lived in NC almost 50 years. I count among my friends many "transplants" from places like upstate NY (including one of those early IBM transfers), Ohio, Michigan, California, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Coney Island NY, New Jersey, Maine, New Hampshire, England, Germany, India, Mexico, Tanzania as well as VA, TN, NC, SC, GA, FL, AL, MS, etc. I genuinely like my friends from other states and other countries. I am not averse to them or suspicious of them. Now, there are some people out there in the world (from NC as well as from other states) that I don't really like, but that has to do with the people—not where they're from. If somebody gives me an abrasive, snotty attitude from the get-go then I'm not likely to want to get to know them, but if people are friendly, interested, and interesting then I'm happy to get to know them.
I really think most Southerners are like me, at least the Southerners I know are. My elderly parents, for instance, in SE NC lived next door to a great guy from Pennsylvania for many years and they couldn't have asked for a nicer, friendlier neighbor. They loved him!
Nice post, poppydog. Perhaps you and I are rogues. Anomalies.
I don't think so, though.
My step-grandfather was from Pennsylvania. My grandma married him when I was 4. I really loved him. Didn't care where he was from. He told great stories.
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Naturally it is a general statement, not sure in every single but in my experience, true much or most of the time. Anyone who's been in on the inside knows that the general attitude towards outsiders is one of aversion, suspicion, and general dislike (mostly not to their face). Southerners are isolationists in a sense, and that's OK, but a frank discussion about this attitude is better than trite, feelgood statements.
Although the proportion of transplants was higher than other parts of the state pre 1990, it was still much lower than it was starting in the 90's forward. There was a much more distinctive "north Carolinian" character to it.
Now this is a gross over generalization if there ever was one!
Why is this "frank discussion" so important?
I moved to the suburbs of Chicago when I was 19. Lived there about a year or so.
Some people I met were nice. Some were not. Some were direct. Some were not.
I stand by my common sense generalization. People are people. There is no Southern conspiracy of faux friendliness.
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Great post. I haven't read all the replies, but I did want to respond that I was born in Durham and have lived in the area for most of my life (spent some time in Asheville and Wilmington as well), and I have literally never been flipped off while driving in my life. I don't drive fast or crazy, either - never had a ticket. Sooooo...that's strange.
Great post. I haven't read all the replies, but I did want to respond that I was born in Durham and have lived in the area for most of my life (spent some time in Asheville and Wilmington as well), and I have literally never been flipped off while driving in my life. I don't drive fast or crazy, either - never had a ticket. Sooooo...that's strange.
Hehehe. My first time being flipped off while driving was 1987. In Naperville, Illinois. I remember it like it was yesterday.
It happened there pretty often.
Here? I dunno. Two or three times since 1988?
People have always driven rather unpredictably here, though.
Something there is WAY more of here in the past 5-10 years? Honking. Good grief, the honking.
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I have more than one relative (born and bred Southerners) who married someone from upstate NY, heavens-to-Betsy!
Royals, I hope you continue to enjoy NC and get to meet some friendly North Carolinians and transplants alike.
The scandal!
I'm married to a Mighigander. Well... He was born in Colorado.
My ex is Asian. Raised in Upstate NY. My long-term BF from high school-early college was from Brooklyn and the first guy I was engaged to was from Maine.
So much for that theory about me hating Yankee "interlopers."
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boocake, I've been driving for 17 years and have maybe been flipped off 6-7 times. 2 have come in the last month. I can't explain it. I am new to the area so I do slow down at intersections and certain crossroads to make sure I'm turning onto the right street. There is just no patience here. You brake for a half a second and the person behind you goes insane. What's the rush? Isn't this the slow pace south everyone talks about?
Just so you don't think I'm crazy I'll tell you exactly what happened this last time I got flipped off and run off the road. I'm exiting 1 onto Cary Parkway.. I just get on the ramp to exit and the guy behind me lays on his horn.. non stop laying on his horn. I realized the van in front of me was going fairly slow down the ramp (maybe 30-35). Sure I was going maybe 40-45 and had to slow down but no big deal. But this guy wouldn't stop with his horn and the lanes were full to the left and right so he couldn't get around me. So I swerved a bit to show him the guy in front of me was driving a little slow and holding us up. And still he doesn't let up on his horn. Finally we turn onto cary parkway and at this point he's maybe 2 inches from my bumper revving his engine still laying on his horn. Then when a space opened up next to me he flies into it and swerves next to me almost touching my car and flips me off. My blood was boiling and I lose my cool and flipped him off back and mouthed some choice words at him. This was stupid as I had my toddler with me. He continues to swerve into me forcing me off the road. So I gave up, slowed down and he sped away.
Never in my 17 years of driving have I come close to anyone being that rude and careless and selfish... never.
One more story for you of the biggest jerk I've met that happened here. My wife and I are in line at cowfish at northills to put our name in to the hostess. The couple in front of us get to the hostess and are talking to her for maybe 30 seconds when this guy behind me sticks his face over my shoulder (literally maybe 8 inches from my face) and says what the f*** is this pr*** saying to the hostess is he just f***in around. My wife and I were both floored. We thought maybe he was just joking so we sort of laughed in awkwardness and it was clear he wasn't joking. It happened on our first house hunting trip here so we took it for an anomaly but after driving here for a month now I'm not so sure. There are some people here that are just some of the rudest selfish inpatient people I've ever come across.
Fortunately for every jerk I've met I've met some really awesome people. So it evens itself out, but seriously the driving and road rage stuff needs to stop. Someone in the govt needs to address this issue. The first impression of a city is usually driving into it or driving from the airport to your hotel. It's embarrassing.
Ugh. So sorry you had to deal with that Royals. Hope that's the end of it. While I don't like the traffic around Cary and Raleigh I haven't had to deal w/ anything like that or the rude guy at the restaurant, either.
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