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I have heard it said that people get annoyed that Southerners aren't "genuinely nice." As in, they'll act nice enough around you, but they might talk about you behind your back.
Well... I know that might be true, but I've always felt that I'd rather have pleasantries with strangers than have them scowling at me, so what they think when I'm not standing in front of them anymore (about me, I mean) is TOTALLY irrelevant to me.
If they don't like me? Who cares?
Just don't ruin my day by being a jerk to me while I'm out running errands or whatnot and it's all good.
I think people who complain just don't understand Southern culture. Old school Southerners were raised on the principle of "don't be ugly to folks". What this means is that someone you don't know might pleasantly pass the time of day with you in a casual encounter. But it in no way means that they like you or consider you a friend. I have heard many transplants gush about how people welcomed them into the community and "accept" them "like [they] have lived here all [their] lives". In some cases this may be so. But in the majority of cases, I think they don't realize that this is just a social convention. (And if someone has a personal beef with you, all bets are off.) Then people get all upset when they hear that someone has talked about them. They just read too much into daily encounters. Especially in a small town, it will take awhile to be considered "part" of the community, and that's normal.
Back in Florida, I had a close female friend from NYC who lived with her extended family. The first few times I visited her, I was shocked when everyone in the house yelled at each other. They argued and bickered incessantly. At dinner, her father told me "Heeeeyyyy, don't be polite! Around here, if you don't dive right in and grab some food, you'll starve!" This was completely different from how I was raised.
I was hurt when her teenage daughter began belligerently arguing with me one night. But then I realized that this is what she did with her mom, uncles and grandparents. This is what they all did. I got used to it.
I agree with meh whatever: everyone you meet is not going to like you. As long as nobody gets in my face when I'm minding my own business, I don't care.
Are you purposely being daft? I am talking about when it is clear and you are halfway pulled out of a parking spot and someone comes flying down the lane and swerves around you.
I am very capable of being daft without even trying, thank you very much.
Your original scenario wasn't clear. As you've now stated it, yes I agree with you. I don't see that kind of behavior a huge amount though.
Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Strelnikov
I think people who complain just don't understand Southern culture. Old school Southerners were raised on the principle of "don't be ugly to folks". What this means is that someone you don't know might pleasantly pass the time of day with you in a casual encounter. But it in no way means that they like you or consider you a friend.
I think you make a good point here. It's like the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus except with Northerners and Southerners. If people up North don't care for you, they snub you. So if someone from the South is friendly to them, I can see how someone from the North would think it means that person likes them. Of course, I'm talking generalities here. But I think that's why people from the Northeast think people from the South are kind to your face and stab you behind your back, not because Southerners are being fake, that's just their culture - you're kind to everyone even if you don't care for them, and other Southerners understand that but Northerners don't. In the North, people wouldn't be kind to your face if they didn't like you.
I think people who complain just don't understand Southern culture. Old school Southerners were raised on the principle of "don't be ugly to folks". What this means is that someone you don't know might pleasantly pass the time of day with you in a casual encounter. But it in no way means that they like you or consider you a friend. I have heard many transplants gush about how people welcomed them into the community and "accept" them "like [they] have lived here all [their] lives". In some cases this may be so. But in the majority of cases, I think they don't realize that this is just a social convention. (And if someone has a personal beef with you, all bets are off.) Then people get all upset when they hear that someone has talked about them. They just read too much into daily encounters. Especially in a small town, it will take awhile to be considered "part" of the community, and that's normal.
Back in Florida, I had a close female friend from NYC who lived with her extended family. The first few times I visited her, I was shocked when everyone in the house yelled at each other. They argued and bickered incessantly. At dinner, her father told me "Heeeeyyyy, don't be polite! Around here, if you don't dive right in and grab some food, you'll starve!" This was completely different from how I was raised.
I was hurt when her teenage daughter began belligerently arguing with me one night. But then I realized that this is what she did with her mom, uncles and grandparents. This is what they all did. I got used to it.
I agree with meh whatever: everyone you meet is not going to like you. As long as nobody gets in my face when I'm minding my own business, I don't care.
Yeah... it's just Southern culture. And it's not unique here, I don't think. I'd imagine there are other areas where this is true. I've never been anywhere on the West coast where people weren't generally friendly... maybe not quite as genteel as the South, but still.
The thing where people who really like one another yell at each other all the time would stress me out. I mean, it depends on the tone of voice and how loud they are, mostly. I know it's just another method of communication, but I didn't grow up with it, so it'd take time to get used to.
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I am cool with NYrs, and other Yankees from Mass, etc, and I am originally from WV and many years in VA. In fact, the only good friends we have made in Raleigh (Clayton) have been Yanks. Not saying some of them aren't rude and weird, but we have met some that are good folks!!!
Sure she will, but the thread would make someone feel unwelcome. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer to everyone's vent posts, but I figure, if the vent posts can be made I can certainly post as well.
This thread is making me (British) slightly panicky about moving to the Triangle lol Are people really friendly but cold?
I have been all over the USA (15 states I can remember) and I have almost always thought people were very very friendly and super polite and the people I met in the Triangle were no different - maybe nicer! I was once shouted at by a person on the end of the phone at room service in Manhattan - at the Waldorf Astoria! That was the the only time I have ever been spoke to like that by a service person
This thread is making me (British) slightly panicky about moving to the Triangle lol Are people really friendly but cold?
I have been all over the USA (15 states I can remember) and I have almost always thought people were very very friendly and super polite and the people I met in the Triangle were no different - maybe nicer! I was once shouted at by a person on the end of the phone at room service in Manhattan - at the Waldorf Astoria! That was the the only time I have ever been spoke to like that by a service person
Why? Our children are not terrorized in schools here and people, as a general rule, are very polite and certainly more friendly than the average person in London you'd run into on the street.
People will be going out of their way to be nice to your family, because they will understand that you aren't from the US.
If the fact that people here are having an honest conversation online about the differences that are found between people raised in the North and the South has you scared...than bless your heart...maybe you should stay where you are at....because there is no getting around it.
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