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Reading some of the things in this thread make me a little upset. I've tried to write a response multiple times and I struggle to not sound xenophobic, ignorant, and angry.
The issue isn't that someone doesn't like living here. That's fine. But the problem is when they come live here and then complain that (surprise!!) living in central North Carolina is not like back home. I don't know why anyone would assume that living in North Carolina is like living in California, New York, or New Jersey. It's two completely different worlds. Why do people think otherwise?
I love my home state so it is frustrating to see so many people move here and then act as if we should somehow change our lifestyle/culture/cities, just to fit them. That is plain rude. Like people here talking about how degrees in North Carolina don't matter - unbelievably insulting.
I briefly lived in San Diego. I didn't move there expecting that my lifestyle would be like back here in North Carolina. I was well aware of what I was getting into - as everyone should be when they relocate. I didn't like the cost of living, traffic, or job opportunities, so guess what, I left! It wasn't a shocker. I had wanted to try something new and so I did.
There have been a lot of changes here in the last few decades. Some good, some bad. I'm not trying to sound like I'm grabbing my pitchfork and screaming all transplants go home. I've been blessed to have lived in different parts of this country and experience different cultures, and that's been a highlight for me. I just don't want people moving here and then acting as if my own is somehow inferior and needs to be changed.
Exactly.
It's okay. I get accused of hating transplants all the time. Which is totally untrue. Some of my best friends are transplants. Hell, I married one. Twice, actually.
I just get frustrated when people move here and get all ticked off about how "backward" the area is, or how "inadequate" our colleges are, or how "terrible" our pizza is (okay, so the pizza thing doesn't bother me, I find it funny).
The reality is that I, like you, have lived in other areas. I have been a transplant. And I did NOT expect the area I moved to to be like the Triangle area of NC or any other part of NC. I figured it would be different, and it was.
So, when in Rome... that sort of deal.
I moved back here because I like it here. Would I try another place? Sure thing. It's a frequent topic around my house because it's entirely possible, given our careers.
I would not go to someone else's home state and start bashing the place in person or on the local message board here at C-D. And I don't really care for it when people do that here.
Now, I do have a great deal of empathy for people who are having a hard time adjusting. I've been there myself. I get it. Just don't blast the area while you're asking for support. There's no need for all that. Every place isn't going to be right for every person. And that's okay.
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Reading some of the things in this thread make me a little upset. I've tried to write a response multiple times and I struggle to not sound xenophobic, ignorant, and angry.
The issue isn't that someone doesn't like living here. That's fine. But the problem is when they come live here and then complain that (surprise!!) living in central North Carolina is not like back home. I don't know why anyone would assume that living in North Carolina is like living in California, New York, or New Jersey. It's two completely different worlds. Why do people think otherwise?
I love my home state so it is frustrating to see so many people move here and then act as if we should somehow change our lifestyle/culture/cities, just to fit them. That is plain rude. Like people here talking about how degrees in North Carolina don't matter - unbelievably insulting.
I briefly lived in San Diego. I didn't move there expecting that my lifestyle would be like back here in North Carolina. I was well aware of what I was getting into - as everyone should be when they relocate. I didn't like the cost of living, traffic, or job opportunities, so guess what, I left! It wasn't a shocker. I had wanted to try something new and so I did.
There have been a lot of changes here in the last few decades. Some good, some bad. I'm not trying to sound like I'm grabbing my pitchfork and screaming all transplants go home. I've been blessed to have lived in different parts of this country and experience different cultures, and that's been a highlight for me. I just don't want people moving here and then acting as if my own is somehow inferior and needs to be changed.
This is exactly how I feel, and I suspect the reason why people think this is because we've come to the point in the media (and our culture) were we assume that in a world full of Starbucks and McDonalds, that everything should be homogenized and comfortable everywhere we go.
Gone are the days of actual cultural differences within our own country, right?
That's how some people expect it to be, or assume that it already is. The truth is that culture shock between parts of the United States still exists, and strongly so. Most people don't bother to prepare for it, because they no longer think it a reality.
I also feel like television strongly pushes the issue that we should all be like Los Angeles, and that this is the best lifestyle. If not Los Angeles, then certainly New York or another metro area like that. People grow up thinking that this is the height of civilized existence, and I find it's an attitude that is very firmly ingrained into a large group of native Angelinos, as well as natives of other large metroplexes that are similarly structured.
"We have the best of everything..why would you ever want to go anywhere else?"
North Carolina has scary stuff, like RAIN, and SNOW, and HURRICANES. And they don't even have a Six Flags!! What ever shall we do?!
I have heard multiple accusations of this type, and people often tell me that I made a great choice by moving away from NC, even though I have basically regretted every moment of it. Because these people usually never move away from that area where they have "Everything", the belief continues to manifest itself and churn itself out of the media machine like vomit.
"We have everything, why don't you? We have everything, why don't you?" until people start coming to NC and expecting the same treatment.
There is an expectation that certain things should be the same everywhere, at least when it comes to capitalist consumption. The truth is, it doesn't matter if we have a Walmart the same size, shape, color, etc...of California, it will still contain different items that Californians want to buy, and we don't. Demand is completely different there.
People really, REAAAALLY want to simplify things and stay in their comfort zone, though, so they try to make everything the same.
Oh, another insulting one I've heard: "The south is at least 10-15 years behind Southern California, and if they had their way, they would still have us living in the same crap we had to deal with in the 50's"
Meaning racism, sexism, and other old fashioned ideals like that. My roommate still says this on a regular basis and acts as though we're all raging Republicans. It's really hard to watch movies with her that have anything to do with those subjects.
Oh, another insulting one I've heard: "The south is at least 10-15 years behind Southern California, and if they had their way, they would still have us living in the same crap we had to deal with in the 50's"
Meaning racism, sexism, and other old fashioned ideals like that. My roommate still says this on a regular basis and acts as though we're all raging Republicans. It's really hard to watch movies with her that have anything to do with those subjects.
Sounds like she's never been here. There have been progressives in the South for many years. All the progressives are not transplants. In fact, some transplants move here under the mistaken assumption that the Triangle is more conservative than it is, and wind up disappointed.
The NCGA is a topic for another thread, though.
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Sounds like she's never been here. There have been progressives in the South for many years. All the progressives are not transplants. In fact, some transplants move here under the mistaken assumption that the Triangle is more conservative than it is, and wind up disappointed.
Nope. She's been to Florida and a few other select places, I think, but she hasn't really spent much time in the deep South as far as I know. But, she's really good at making assumptions, like most SoCalians of her ilk.
TV is EXACTLY like real life! I should be able to get a Starbucks in every corner of the world and it should taste EXACTLY the same!
I've actually tried to point out to her a few times that she would probably just love places like Savannah and Charleston, as well as any other old Colonial town (she's really into British culture) but apparently unless she can actually pop into London on a regular basis, it isn't the same. :roll eyes:
It's funny because some of those pubs have really great English food, the same stuff she eats in Cali. The same imported stuff that she buys, and the same (if not better) charming feel of the old world. PLUS cool stuff to do that is unique to those spots in particular. But hey, what do I know? I'm just one of those backwards Southerners, right?
On the other side of the coin, another thing I've noticed is that people here can be just as backwards, racist, and ignorant as people in the South. There's always some idiot wherever you go, even if you claim to be super liberal or "culturally advanced" or whatever. A hater is a hater, is a hater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin
The NCGA is a topic for another thread, though.
I've never really understood that sport. Or the people who play it. They might as well be aliens to me.
To quote Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
Nope. She's been to Florida and a few other select places, I think, but she hasn't really spent much time in the deep South as far as I know. But, she's really good at making assumptions, like most SoCalians of her ilk.
TV is EXACTLY like real life! I should be able to get a Starbucks in every corner of the world and it should taste EXACTLY the same!
I've actually tried to point out to her a few times that she would probably just love places like Savannah and Charleston, as well as any other old Colonial town (she's really into British culture) but apparently unless she can actually pop into London on a regular basis, it isn't the same. :roll eyes:
It's funny because some of those pubs have really great English food, the same stuff she eats in Cali. The same imported stuff that she buys, and the same (if not better) charming feel of the old world. PLUS cool stuff to do that is unique to those spots in particular. But hey, what do I know? I'm just one of those backwards Southerners, right?
On the other side of the coin, another thing I've noticed is that people here can be just as backwards, racist, and ignorant as people in the South. There's always some idiot wherever you go, even if you claim to be super liberal or "culturally advanced" or whatever. A hater is a hater, is a hater.
I've never really understood that sport. Or the people who play it. They might as well be aliens to me.
To quote Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
Two thoughts: Starbucks on every corner is pretty much what we have in the Triangle now and.... NCGA is the general assembly. I drifted off into politics. Not that I understand most sports, so I'm right there with you on that.
She would love Savannah and Charleston... maybe if you blindfolded her and she didn't know where she was when she arrived.
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Two thoughts: Starbucks on every corner is pretty much what we have in the Triangle now and.... NCGA is the general assembly. I drifted off into politics. Not that I understand most sports, so I'm right there with you on that.
She would love Savannah and Charleston... maybe if you blindfolded her and she didn't know where she was when she arrived.
Haha, I wasn't sure what the abbreviation stood for, so I googled. The joke made sense either way, somehow! The people that are into golf are usually also the rich republican types, so..double win?
Yeah, you think it's bad over there...here, they just built a Starbucks in front of a grocery store with another, smaller Starbucks inside of that grocery store. There's also a Starbucks across the street from the mall, which also has a Starbucks inside. We have like 25 of them in a space the size of Cary. And they're always all packed.
She would love those two places--that I have no doubt. It's getting her to see that. She tunes out any rational conversation from other people if she doesn't think she's interested in the subject. But this is likely drifting off topic and so I'll save my fascinating stories of her (and oh, they are fascinating) for another time.
Exactly.
Now, I do have a great deal of empathy for people who are having a hard time adjusting. I've been there myself. I get it. Just don't blast the area while you're asking for support. There's no need for all that. Every place isn't going to be right for every person. And that's okay.
I found myself recently complaining about the area and realized that it was just that; an adjustment that I was growing into. I can find things to snipe about anywhere I've lived. And, honestly, there are very few things about the area that I dislike (mainly, lack of accessible bank fishing, but I'm working on it and expect to have more spots developed soon.) Even the Pizza is fine with me. Culturally, the South is similar (but certainly different) than much of the Midwest. I fit perfectly fine; it was the network that I left behind that I didn't appreciate the importance of. I went from working in an office with a fair amount of people my own age, to working from home, with an office that was mostly people not in my age group. I went from working part time at a bar in the neighborhood I lived in, and therefore knew tons of people all over the neighborhood, to moving in knowing no one. You do things to plug in but it takes time, and even for a gregarious and social person like myself, it is tough. Also, it seems like you kind of need to meet not only people your socially compatible with, but who are at similar places in their life, even within your age group.
Also, I think that some people think that moving here is going to fix problems they're having. Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. If your relationship has issues (even minor ones) then moving away from your network and family is only going to massively inflame your problems. If you aren't meeting people where you are, unless you're in an odd outlier type of location, what makes you think NC is going to fix that? If you're having trouble finding work in a job center like NYC or NOVA or Chicago, then coming here certainly isn't going to help you. You lowered your tax burden and got a bigger house, but you didn't fix anything.
Also, people read about how great the area is, but don't stop to think if its great FOR THEM. If you go to the theater two nights a week, then maybe it isn't a great area for you. If you are a serious walker/public transport person, then this area isn't for you. My friend initally relocated to Cary on the advice from her supervisor who had taken a big drink of the Cary Cool Aid. Cary wasn't a great place for a single person who liked nightlife. She moved ITB Raleigh and was much happier. And I told her to skip Cary in the first place.
I found myself recently complaining about the area and realized that it was just that; an adjustment that I was growing into. I can find things to snipe about anywhere I've lived. And, honestly, there are very few things about the area that I dislike (mainly, lack of accessible bank fishing, but I'm working on it and expect to have more spots developed soon.) Even the Pizza is fine with me. Culturally, the South is similar (but certainly different) than much of the Midwest. I fit perfectly fine; it was the network that I left behind that I didn't appreciate the importance of. I went from working in an office with a fair amount of people my own age, to working from home, with an office that was mostly people not in my age group. I went from working part time at a bar in the neighborhood I lived in, and therefore knew tons of people all over the neighborhood, to moving in knowing no one. You do things to plug in but it takes time, and even for a gregarious and social person like myself, it is tough. Also, it seems like you kind of need to meet not only people your socially compatible with, but who are at similar places in their life, even within your age group.
Yeah, this was one issue I found when moving to California. The lack of family was harder than I expected, and I am used to making more friends than this. One problem I found is that everyone was a bit younger than me at all the places that I could find work, and the generational gap seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Even a few years difference can be very tough, depending on how the person was brought up.
I found that I ended up attracting only people who were like me, and either could not drive, did not have a car, or had lost their car recently. Which, for someone that does not have a car..is a terrible similarity to have to someone. It's like you'll always only know people who don't have cars, because you don't have one, or you'll always be driving around all your friends who still don't have cars.
I think the world, our country, whatever...simply isn't as globalized as we assume. We can't just pick up and move like we are led to believe..everyone moves for work now--a new job, a new city, and it sounds so easy.
Nope. She's been to Florida and a few other select places, I think, but she hasn't really spent much time in the deep South as far as I know. But, she's really good at making assumptions, like most SoCalians of her ilk.
TV is EXACTLY like real life! I should be able to get a Starbucks in every corner of the world and it should taste EXACTLY the same!
I've actually tried to point out to her a few times that she would probably just love places like Savannah and Charleston, as well as any other old Colonial town (she's really into British culture) but apparently unless she can actually pop into London on a regular basis, it isn't the same. :roll eyes:
It's funny because some of those pubs have really great English food, the same stuff she eats in Cali. The same imported stuff that she buys, and the same (if not better) charming feel of the old world. PLUS cool stuff to do that is unique to those spots in particular. But hey, what do I know? I'm just one of those backwards Southerners, right?
On the other side of the coin, another thing I've noticed is that people here can be just as backwards, racist, and ignorant as people in the South. There's always some idiot wherever you go, even if you claim to be super liberal or "culturally advanced" or whatever. A hater is a hater, is a hater.
I've never really understood that sport. Or the people who play it. They might as well be aliens to me.
To quote Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that."
interesting.....
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