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Old 03-22-2008, 04:40 PM
 
5,265 posts, read 10,539,014 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeJaquish View Post
My question to unhappy people is, "Where were you unhappy before you were unhappy here?"

Or, "Where did you used to do your complaining?"


These are likely the people who originaly complained about everything in their hometown too. Thely thought that moving somewhere else, somewhere that a lot of other people were moving too becuse it must be so great, would solve their problems and make them happier. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! I know a lot of people on this forum think tha I hated the triangle and "whined" about so many things I didn't like when I lived there....but in reality, I lived in the area for 13 years so that in itself shows I didn't hate it. I actually was unhappy with the way the area had CHANGED so much from the time we moved to the few years right before we left. lol...a big part of that being people from the North and other places that moved there and complained it wasn't "good enough yet" and demanded so many things be different.
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Old 03-22-2008, 04:49 PM
 
305 posts, read 474,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Funky Chicken View Post
I've been here a little less than 5 years-came from metro NY. My workplace is about 50 people, 90% of which are native North Carolinians. My boss is a Cary native in his 50s.
About a year after I got here, I went to a holiday party given by the company. After a couple of drinks, my boss loosened up and we talked for about an hour about the northern migration.
What he said to me made a lot of sense. He said that what really bothers the natives is the way that some people relocate here without respect for the difference in culture, and don't make an effort to assimilate. They make a point of it to advertise their northern roots every chance they get. Nothing here is EVER as good as it was back home. It's in everything from the way they drive to the way they talk to the bank teller or the checkout girl at the market. Then he said the thing that really stuck with me- If you move here but your head is still there-if you refer to where you used to live as "back home"-it will be a lot harder to get comfortable here.
Your boss really said a mouthful! He hit the nail right on the head and he's FAR from being the only NC native who feels that way (no matter how in denial some may wish to be about that).

That failure, reluctance or lack of concern to assimilate is probably the number one reason for any resentment that does exist towards transplants.
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Old 03-22-2008, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
2,574 posts, read 4,439,382 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyNCGirl View Post
Last year I had the pleasure of working with the most delightful gentleman named Vik. He was Pakistani, but born in India. He has been in the US for more than 20 years, living in the Northeast. One day he stopped by my model home sales office to visit me. Vik was very perplexed by a conversation he had had that day with a total stranger. The stranger made some assumptions about Vik's original homeland that made him ask where the lady thought he was from. When she replied "Mexico" he was just dumbfounded. I was very amused, mostly by his surprised reaction. From that day forward, I always addressed him as my Mexican friend, Vik. He always started our conversation with "hola" after that. We got many giggles out of that whole situation.
Hahahah! Great story! My mom gets it more than us b/c she's lighter-skinned. We're Indian though. One time when I was in college (about 4 years ago) I told my friends roommate that I was of Indian descent. She looked confused. She then asked if that meant we were from Indonesia. DOH! I didn't blame her though only because she was from Halifax county. Maybe she was related to Miss Teen South Carolina...the map girl?
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Old 03-22-2008, 07:41 PM
 
403 posts, read 37,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeJaquish View Post
My question to unhappy people is, "Where were you unhappy before you were unhappy here?"

Or, "Where did you used to do your complaining?"



Ditto on this.

Some people just spend all their time complaining, it's just who they are. If they are just generally unhappy, then this area won't make them change that. I have a feeling that many of the people that feel they are not welcomed here are people that just complain about the area until they p**s someone off.
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Old 03-22-2008, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Apex, NC
31 posts, read 71,610 times
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Good discussion! I hope no one thinks that I am one of those "unhappy people" - I'm not unhappy (or....I'm happy!) I am just adding another POV and things to consider.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JJingle View Post
I have to agree with Mrs. Steel. Two-faced people are everywhere, not just in the Triangle. In the situation you described, where someone said "don't worry about it" when he/she really wanted you to fix it, is more a non-confrontation position.
So does this mean that is a typical response from a southerner when they are trying to not be confrontational, yet they believe there is a problem, but are misleading me into thinking there isn't? Help me to understand this cultural differenece, please.


Quote:
Originally Posted by TarHeeler View Post
With the utmost sincerity, you truly sound like a wonderful addition to the area. Glad that you were able to escape the aggressive, unfriendly north. You definitely belong here.
Thank you for picking up on that. I was a bit worried that my thoughts and questions may come across as a complaining northerner. I was just participating in an already existing thread, and I added my thoughts in hopes of gaining insight.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Funky Chicken View Post
He said that what really bothers the natives is the way that some people relocate here without respect for the difference in culture, and don't make an effort to assimilate. They make a point of it to advertise their northern roots every chance they get. Nothing here is EVER as good as it was back home. It's in everything from the way they drive to the way they talk to the bank teller or the checkout girl at the market. Then he said the thing that really stuck with me- If you move here but your head is still there-if you refer to where you used to live as "back home"-it will be a lot harder to get comfortable here.
I understand this, and actually, as a northern transplant myself, I kinda worry that others will do this! I think people who move here should be doing so because they like the way of life here and not want to change it.

Perhaps this is where the problem lies - a misunderstanding on both sides. perhaps the natives think that others may try to bring change here, and from that concern, they hold some animosity, and from there, it somehow comes across to the transplants, and from there, the transplants believe that "natives don't like transplants". And, perhaps the transplants, in trying to work through their transition, compare their old home town with their new home, and natives, who already may suspect that transplants may be bringing their ways here and changing the culture (maybe not for the better), misunderstand and not realize the transplant is sharing and adjusting to a big move, which may cause the native to be somewhat defensive...I hope all of this makes sense! It could all be misunderstandings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by VickiR View Post

It used to really annoy me when my neighbor from Buffalo used to complain about the schools and say "back home we...blah blah blah".
I think when anyone moves away from one area and into another, there is a lot of that comparison going on during the first bit of time, that initial transition time. I'd ask for natives to be a little patient about that. Perhaps it may help if a response could sound like this: "Well, I'm sure you'll get adjusted soon." Or "That's interesting." maybe they aren't complaining, but maybe trying to share the differeneces, because if you are a native, you probably don't know how it is in other places, so maybe the new neighbor/coworker/whatever is just sharing information, as an FYI, and as something more to know about him/her, as that person tries to get settled. maybe that transplant is looking for that southern hospitality to help him/her adjust. If a native misunderstands or is annoyed, a problem could arise.
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Old 03-22-2008, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Cary,NC
41 posts, read 148,918 times
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I can tell you the people of the Triangle are the nicest you will find anywhere, I am a transplant myself of Asian decent, and I never had any problems in Raleigh. I married my husband a native southerner and I consider myself a southerner at heart as well. I live in Cary now, and I have never felt my self to be a stranger here. People are friendly , helpful, and cheerful in Raleigh NC.

Last edited by Anjana; 03-22-2008 at 08:56 PM.. Reason: final statement
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Old 03-22-2008, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
2,574 posts, read 4,439,382 times
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People down south can be fake in a back-handed compliment type of way.

"Aren't you just a mess...Bless your heart."
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Old 03-22-2008, 10:48 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
10,418 posts, read 18,055,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saturnfan View Post
My buddy Joey who moved from NJ to FL has a sign on his work truck"

"If you love NY, take I-95 North".
Oh, I like it!!!

Vicki
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Old 03-23-2008, 10:56 AM
 
544 posts, read 1,255,400 times
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Transplants do change places, not just Raleigh. The newcomers pick up attributes from their new home and bring attributes from their old ones. This is part of the transient nature of our whole country. Portland and Seattle, where I grew up, are totally different than the places I left. I am very new to Raleigh after over 30 years in Maryland (which I also saw change) and while I like it here I am not going to become like a native, I am who I am. I hope I have brought something good -- ME, a nice friendly helpful person and a good neighbor. I think I have learned to respect people from other backgrounds but I can't be other than myself if I want to be real. I have found people friendly and welcoming and am happy to be here. One has to be flexible in this world.
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Old 03-23-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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What bugs us as longtime residents of Raleigh is:

1. Aggressive and discourteous driving has dramatically increased
2. Prices are going up since folks from higher cost areas don't know what things ought to cost here.

Otherwise, the new residents do add to diversity.

See Vicki, I listened to the pastor today and am in a very mellow mood.

Happy Easter to all. He has risen!
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