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I live in Charlotte and I've always thought Raleigh and Durham were a lot easier to drive around in despite the infrastructure of all 3 being behind by at least 5 years if not more.
The biggest difference I've found is that with Raleigh/Durham drivers, you can get more of a sense of what other drivers are trying or going to do (i.e. change lanes, beat the red light) whereas Charlotte it's hard to tell most of the time what is about to happen. It also doesn't hurt that the roads in the Triangle are a lot wider and better maintained than they are in Charlotte.
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