Walking across backyard.... (Raleigh, Cary: house, neighborhood, living)

[scooby55]

Hi Everyone-

We live in Cary and don't have a fenced in yard. Yet we see our neighbors and thier kids often walk through our backyard to get to someone else's house. It happens on occasion and I have told my children to use the sidewalk to get to anyone else's house because I find it rather rude to walk through people's yards. Sometimes the kids do it when we are outside on the back deck or working in our yard. We don't want any problems with our neighbors yet it is something that really bothers us. We want to put up a fence eventually as we have dogs and would like the privacy as well, but can't do it just yet. I also had many occaisions where the kids would come over to my home cross thru the yard and knock on the back door-sometimes every 15 minutes until my kids could go play. That finally stopped but when I mentioned it to the parents, they seemed offended. All I wanted was for the kids to use the front door-maybe it's just us, but that's how we were raised.

I have a friend who said this was happening to her as well. Not only did everyone walk through her yard to get somewhere else, but when they weren't home or inside eating dinner, the neighborhood kids would come over and play on their swingset. They lived in a really nice neighborhood and ended up moving because they couldn't stand it anymore.

We want to be good neighbors but don't really feel that our backyard should be used as a common ground for people to use whenever they want. Has anyone else have this problem and if so, how did you handle it?

[lamishra]

I have dealt with a similar problem in Cary (only it's group of rude teen boys). We've asked them to stop on multiple occassions and the last time a police officer was here (for a neighbor whose canoe was stolen by the same teens) he said we needed to 1.) tell them to stop (which we have repeatedly) and 2. if they keep doing it, take pictures, file a police report and give them the photos.

It doesn't sound like in your situation you need to go quite that far and I know that NOBODY wants to be the grouchy neighbor (we sure didn't and let it go on for WAY too long), but you need to stand your ground and keep telling the children in your yard to leave and ask the parents to keep them out as well. Not only is it rude, but it's also a liability for YOU. If one of those kids gets hurt on your property, guess who can be sued? It sucks that you have to police your own backyard, but that's what you have to do. (And get a fence ASAP!) Although we DO have a fence and the teenaged kids keep jumping it!

[Fresh Start Today]

Fence the yard now and avoid the situation with them all together. Parents never believe their kids have done anything wrong. It will not be a happy ending with the kids and parents. It will just blow up into a bigger problem. Been there, done that.

[ljd1010]

Originally Posted by lamishra

I have dealt with a similar problem in Cary (only it's group of rude teen boys). We've asked them to stop on multiple occassions and the last time a police officer was here (for a neighbor whose canoe was stolen by the same teens) he said we needed to 1.) tell them to stop (which we have repeatedly) and 2. if they keep doing it, take pictures, file a police report and give them the photos.

It doesn't sound like in your situation you need to go quite that far, but you need to stand your ground and keep telling the children in your yard to leave. Not only is it rude, but it's also a liability for YOU. If one of those kids gets hurt on your property, guess whose fault it is???? It sucks that you have to police your own backyard, but that's what you have to do. (And get a fence ASAP!) Although we DO have a fence and the teenaged kids keep jumping it!

Excellent point about the liability!! I wasn't able to give you rep points but wanted to mention how important this aspect is.

[1966]

It's just a suggestion, I know we all raise our children differently but sometimes we have to have a hand in raising our neighbors kids also. When the kids come to the back door, with the door shut tell them to go around to the front and then you'll let them in, if you do it enough times they'll get it. As for the adults crossing they must feel comfortable enough to do it, so make uninviting make cute little yard signs ( NEIGHBOR XING ---> ) point toward the side walk and another up ahead a bit saying (THANK YOU ) with a smiley face. I'm sure they'll get the hint, if they get offened that is not your problem they should feel embarrased instead. I think it's just rude of them and you shouldn't have to put a fence up to keep them out. Let us know what happens. Good Luck

[scooby55]

Thanks for your suggestions. My husband was also concerned with the liability issue. He's worried that if one our dogs, who are always leashed, jump on one of the kids and hurts them, then we are to blame. Our dogs are super friendly, but you never know. It is so sad that people just don't use common courtesy.
Thanks and I will keep you posted with the outcome!

[seattlenextyear]

The concept of "owning" the land is an American, adult one. Its not intuitive to a child.

[Jenny_B]

This strikes me as sort of funny, because when I was a child, we were *supposed* to go to the back door! We were "varmits" and not guests. Guest enter the house through the front door. Neighborhood yard-apes such as myself were to go to the back door.

We all ran through each others' back yards, and I think my mother preferred that because we were further from the (potentially dangerous) street.

Our next-door neighbor had a son who was exactly my age. He was my constant companion until we were old enough to think members of the opposite sex were yucky. We were allowed in only one room in his house, which was entered through the back door. The living room was a grand an mysterious place with white carpet where only adults were allowed to go.

After I'd grown up and married and moved away, I was back home visiting my mother one day. We went next door to call on my old neighbor, and I remember feeling this funny "I'm not supposed to be doing this" feeling in the pit of my stomach as I walked through the front door and then -gasp!- sat on the living room furniture! LOL!

Of course, we also did not call adults by their first name as seems to be the American custom now too.

And by the way... I'm not that old... I'm only 38! This is not memories from the dark ages. It just seems that things have changed a lot in the past 20 years.

Jenny

[uncletupelo]

We did the same everyday in my neighborhood 30 years ago. So did all of the other kids in my Raleigh hood. NONE of the parents minded. Most of those folks still live there today. I would have no problem with this if they were neighborhood kids.

[nclover]

The idea that this is a big issue for you is strange to me. Back door vs. front door? Does it really matter? I grew up in a tight knit neighborhood and felt welcome in many neighbors homes, yards, etc. The same could be said for our home. I love the idea that my neighbors and my childrens' friends feel comfortable at our home. My house is your house. It will keep your kids at home too...