How progressive is Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill for women professionals? (Charlotte: real estate, lawyer)

[LovesCatsandDogs]

I am curious about working in Raleigh and Durham. I lived in Charlotte during the early 90's and was a single, woman attorney. Unfortunately, the overall culture of Charlotte was very conservative/retro. Most women got married, had babies and stopped working by 26. Charlotte was very gender and racially segregated with white men "native sons" running almost everything. I was constantly asked if I had been born in N.C. (I was not) and to which church did I belong. Also, the country clubs had "men only" dining rooms that were fancy, nice dining rooms for business lunches. The "women allowed" dining rooms were very casual and served hot dogs for the daytime "country club moms" and their kids. Almost everyone went to church every single Sunday (and maybe Wed. also). The men had a very similar look in their appearnce (sort of Stepford-like). There was a narrow mould that they seemed to fall in if they wanted to be successful and accepted. Bottom line: it was not a welcoming place for women (or minoirities) -- especially if they were not native to N.C. I do not want to join a church. I am a Democrat. My look is more relaxed than ultra-preppy/conservative. I have traveled all over the U.S. and never saw so many churches and strip joints in one city as Charlotte -- a lot of the same men visited both establishments -- one hypocritical city.
Are Raleigh and Durham like that? Are there a good number of women professionals working who are in their 40's or is it mostly younger, single women who work? Are there a good number of women professionals that are not from N.C. or adjoining states? Do men and women professionals lunch and network together (in Charlotte women attorneys ate with other women attorneys only and male attorneys ate with other male attorneys)? Do most professionals join a church in Raleigh and Durham? Thank you for your honest answers.

[tabbcat]

I haven't noticed anything odd about the work environment in R/D I'm a lawyer too, but not in the legal field, so I can't speak to that... but in corporate settings, everything is fairly laid back and not uptight/segregated. Everyone mixes pretty well (at least in my office). I'm originally from Detroit so I have a fairly "big city" frame of reference. Or "big wasteland"... depending how you categorize Detroit

I'm surprised you had that experience in Charlotte though... I visited a few times on business and didn't feel unwelcome in any setting. That's disappointing to hear

[lovebrentwood]

I don't think Raleigh has never been as conservative as Charlotte.

I think there are so many newcomers here that the culture is more all-American versus "Old South." The most "Southern" place I've worked has been the state government, and I don't mean that in a demeaning way whatsoever. It's just Southern.

Other companies have been much more mainstream America.

I would guess Charlotte may be different because of newcomers, but I've always thought of Charlotte as being conservative. I guess if your main industry is banking, it makes sense the area may be conservative.

In the early 90's, when at a family wedding in Charlotte (my husband's family), we were asked multiple times which church we attended. (We didn't attend any church, and we were met with looks of disgust.) The only time I was asked about what church I attended in Raleigh was by a Raleigh real estate agent who grew up in Charlotte. She was also disgusted by my response. Up North, of course, no one ever asks what church you belong to; it's too personal a question.

You're in your 40's? You're a kid. Of course, the older you get, the younger everyone else looks. You looked young to your older co-workers when you started. No big deal.

I don't know the number of working women in their 40's in this area, but I would guess it would be the same as anywhere else in the country.

[Hamish Forbes]

LovesCats -- Raleigh may be a little more to your liking than Charlotte, but probably not much. If you came here with a chip on your shoulder based on what you claim to have been your experience in Charlotte, my guess is that the cycle could repeat. The cultures are not all that much different. Why not go somewhere else?

[lovebrentwood]

Correction to my earlier post: "I don't think Raleigh has ever been as conservative as Charlotte."

And Hamish Forbes, obviously you were never a female in the South in a workplace in the early 90's. She is merely stating facts and wondering if things have changed. I think they have.

[sundaze]

Hey, are you a member of other bars except for North Carolina? Maybe you would find someplace more compatible. Seriously, Raleigh went for Obama in the last election, and I can't answer your specific questions, but it is still North Carolina. If you have a reason you need to be here I am sure you could adjust if you want to, but why not go someplace where you have fewer questions?
Good luck!

[lovebrentwood]

LovesCatsandDogs, one thing hasn't changed. NCers don't take kindly to criticism of any kind...implied or direct.

[no kudzu]

your description of Charlotte sounds alot like Atlanta, except the part about minorities. In Atlanta white people are rapidly becoming the minority but the church based culture is so true.
Chapel Hill/Carrboro I think is the most progressive area in N.C. probably more so than Raleigh or Durham. That being said you will always find folks who think an unmarried,childless, non church attending professional woman is like a three eyed monster. I have been married 34 years -to the same man- and never did take his name. You'd think folks would be used to that by now but I still get some questions but not nearly as bad as I did in Atlanta. Change is so hard for some people. Good luck .

[Francois]

Culturally, Charlotte probably is and has been more conservative than the Triangle, many parts of which are "the Liberal spot of the Southeast".

Also, don't forget that besides geography, time has changed since you were here almost 20 years ago. EVERYWHERE is more open to women and minorities than they were 2 decades ago--we're a whole generation later, socially. Who could have guessed that we'd have a non-Caucasian president and same-sex marriage would be legal in Iowa, even 10 years ago, let alone almost 20?

So yes, the Triangle of 2009 is definitely more progressive than Charlotte of 1993 or so. While I'm not a female, I don't know any female professionals who have ever mentioned any work-related issues along these lines. Raleigh is more conservative than Durham and Chapel Hill, but is still generally moderate, not "conservative", in most industries. The younger the workforce, the fewer problems of this sort you'll find, and the Triangle has lots and lots of young lawyers, due perhaps in part to 4 law schools being right here in the Triangle

[LovesCatsandDogs]

Thank you to those of you who described their personal experiences in Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill. I do hope that the sexism and racism I witnessed in Charlotte in the early 1990's have improved. We do after all have the first African American president. I am a white woman but I still did not like or agree with the racism and racial segregation I saw in Charlotte. I was also shocked that women members were not allowed into the nice dining room at the Myers Park Country Club (a country club in Charlotte). I do hope they are now letting women eat in both dining rooms at the country club. I had heard that the R/D/CH area was more progressive than Charlotte because of all the universities and the state capitol. Thanks again to those who shared their experiences.